http://www.chicklitcentral.com/2017/04/book-review-it-happens-all-time.html

It Happens all the Time by Amy Hatvany took me less than a day to read. As I have been struggling with a reading slump last month, I hope it reflects how spectacular this novel really is. It made me pay attention. It made me want to know how things were going to end. But most of all, I felt so much for the main character, and that is what matters most of all, because for this kind of novel you need this.

At the beginning of the novel there is a letter from the author to the reader, and if you don’t usually read those, I recommend you do this time. The author herself is a sexual assault survivor, and I already knew that this story was going to be personal, and really dig deep into those emotions which surround the topic because of this. This novel is also told from the point of view of both the rapist and the victim. It was quite eye opening.

If rape is not something you want to read about, then I must clarify that this is not one for you. Although it does explain the scene, it’s not as explicit as it could’ve been. But that doesn’t mean to say that it isn’t explicit. There is also the mention of anorexia in this novel, so if that is a trigger for you, then consider yourself pre-warned as of now.

The plot of this novel is quite simple. It’s a very character driven read, and it follows Amber and Tyler, who are best friends. There are time jumps as we get to see them in the present day, and see flashbacks of their past together which relate to what is happening at the current time. That way, we get all the background knowledge on how they met, how their friendship works, and what has been happening in their lives up until the point of the rape scene. The novel goes past that as well, and we get to see the aftermath and the outcome of everything that happens as well.

I have to admit that sometimes the time jumps were a little jarring and confusing to me. It took me a while of reading to realise that I was reading about a scene in the past. But then at other times, the switch was quite obvious. I think it is the only issue I had with the novel at all.

Hatvany’s writing style is also very simple and straightforward as well. I wouldn’t say that we are lacking imagery or beautiful descriptions. More so, she simply describes what is necessary for the story, and that is it. I think that was a good element to this novel, because the story is not about her writing style, or the setting, or anything like that. What it is about is rape, and how it makes both people feel afterwards, and what they can do about it. The style doesn’t take away from the author’s intention, but adds to it instead.

The characters were what really made this novel. Amber is a girl who struggled with anorexia a lot in her teenage past, and Tyler was there to help her through it every step of the way. She came close to death, but she has since used her experience to learn and conquered it with her career choice. She’s bubbly and lively, but that all changes… Tyler has had issues with his father since he was a child, and his parents have divorced since. He has anxiety, but he keeps it secret and to himself. He loves Amber with everything in him. To hear that she is dating someone else crushes him, but he tries to be happy for her.

They’re best friends, and yet rape still occurs. To see how this happens, and what happens afterwards, you’ll have to read the novel yourself.

This book made me feel so emotional. My heart broke over and over again for Amber… for her parents as well. I felt such a deep routed connection to her because Amber is someone who is strict with herself and ambitious, always trying to reach her set goals. Which I feel is much like myself as well. I also felt sorry for Tyler. His parents weren’t the best. He had a tough childhood. I felt angry at him, but also sorry for him at the same time? It was so confusing… and I think that is what Hatvany wanted us to feel. The secondary characters, such as the parents of both main character’s, and their friends, were very well fleshed out. I understood their emotions as well, and how they contributed to the story.

The novel is story, but that isn’t it. There is another step. It taught me something about consent, and about the importance of teaching your children what it means, how to identify it, and how to know when it is missing. It taught me that importance myself. Hopefully this is something I will remember all my life, because it is so important. I hope that is something all readers can take away from this novel at the end of it.

This review and others can found on Olivia's Catastrophe.

Amber and Tyler have been best friends since they were kids and their families have been entertwined for years. They have been through thick and thin - including Amber's life-threatening battle with anorexia. Now they are both adults and Amber has graduated from college and is back home before she moves to Seattle to be with her fiance. The summer is fun and carefree for Amber, she and Tyler are spending more time together than they have since they were kids. He takes her to a Fourth of July party where they both had too much to drink and Tyler crosses a line that will destroy their friendship. Amber's life is turned upside down and she falls into the bad habits that nearly killed her all those years ago. Meanwhile, Tyler denies that the events of that night were as Amber remembers them. Will either one of them be able to get past that night?

It Happens All the Time is a book with a mission. The author has a story to tell and she tells it from the alternating perspectives of Amber and Tyler. Frankly, I didn't find myself connected with either character, but less so with Tyler. Her spent a lot of time trying to justify his behavior that night and it on the cusp of being ridiculous. His character just didn't seem authentic - at all. I didn't really connect with Amber either, even though her history with an eating disorder was well document I took issue with her outlook on food, weight, and those who needed to lose weight. Including her own parents. I found it incredibly judgemental and disrespectful. My heart ached for what she went through that night with Tyler - her anguish was real. She kind of turned into a trainwreck after that night and it was hard to watch her spiral out of control. There is no "right" way to handle what happened, but man - Amber was out of control. I think the author gave both Amber and Tyler the endings they deserved and I was good with the conclusion.

Bottom line - It Happens All the Time was a difficult book to read. The characters were far from perfect and the subject matter could cause all sorts of triggers. But, it is the kind of story that "happens all the time" and rarely gets told. Be warned - the subject matter is tough, but the story is good.

Details:
It Happens All the Time by Amy Hatvany
On Instagram
Pages: 320
Publisher: Atria Books
Publication Date: 3/28/2017
Buy it Here!


Posted in 2017 , ARC , Fiction , Netgalley

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME is my first read from Amy Hatvany. I'm surprised it's taken me this long to find her. I'm certainly looking forward to reading more from her after reading this novel.

When I requested this book, I had no idea what it was about. I saw a few five-star reviews and requested it without even reading the reviews or descriptions. Even if I had known what it was about, I am sure that I would still have found this to be a very engrossing read. It's an honest and unflinching look at some important issues that desperately need addressing.

Twenty-four year old Amber and Twenty-five year old Tyler are best friends. Both have had their own personal struggles, and they have been there for each other for many years, helping each other throughout some of the roughest times in their lives.

But one night everything changes for Amber and Tyler....their friendship and their lives will never be the same.

The very first sentence grabbed me and didn't let go. The story is told alternately from Amber and Tyler's perspectives. The chapters alternate following two timelines, the past and the present. With each chapter more information about the night in question and their history is unveiled.

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME deals with many heavy issues. Amy Hatvany is a fantastic writer and draws from personal experience in regards to some of the things addressed in this novel. It's brutally honest, compelling, and almost impossible to put down. I think that many necessary conversations could and should be started about these issues. This truly was an excellent, emotional, and very important read.

Thank you NetGalley, Atria Books, and Amy Hatvany for providing an advanced readers copy of this book for me to read in exchange for my honest review.

There’s no doubt, regardless of your feelings for the topic at hand or the characters themselves, this is a thought-provoking read at its core. Amy Hatvany takes a bold step and strives to open a much-needed conversation with a story told not only from the perspective of a woman who gets raped, but from her rapist. Powerful in its prose, bringing light to the controversial topic of consent and victim blaming, it’s unwavering in its delivery. As a woman and a reader, I was a twisted knot of emotions, reflection and rivaling thoughts. How is it that situations like this one continue to happen, all around us, with no consequences?

Diminished self-worth, mental health issues and upbringing collide in a perfect storm of bad choices—a night that ends with a rape. It’s easy to fall into the victim blaming trap, to question—why was she acting that way? - why would she put herself in that situation? - what about her fiancé? - why didn’t she fight harder?—but, at the end of the day, is any of that an excuse for what Tyler did? Do any of those things negate the fact that Amber said no or told him to stop in the heat of the moment? Of course, not. Not in the slightest.

What compounds Amber’s situation is the reality that the man who mars her outlook on life is none other than her best friend, Tyler. This is where things get a little tricky for me. Having read the synopsis, I knew exactly what I was in for and who was responsible. It might not be fair to say that alone tainted Tyler in my eyes, but it’s true. My headspace was so clouded with what was to come, there was no way I could make it through the chapters of Amber and Tyler as “best-friends” and not feel an underlying sense of disgust or hone in on his flaws. Forget trying to find something redeeming about him or trying to understand their connection because . . . I couldn’t. I don’t know if it was that blatant disregard I had for Tyler from the start or the matter-of-fact way the memories of him and Amber together were written, but I struggled to feel their friendship on a deeper level. There wasn’t enough emotion behind their shared scenes, for me. Not that that made what happened any easier to stomach.

One of the most difficult, but significant, things about this story is seeing the world through the eyes of a rapist. Not many authors have approached the topic from this side of the situation and I can understand why. Do you hit the reader over the head with the obvious conclusion, he’s a total dirt-bag, or even worse, try to garner sympathy for a rapist? In my opinion, Ms. Hatvany struck a happy medium. For me, watching Tyler justify his actions and struggle with his delusional thoughts surrounding Amber made my skin crawl, but it was also eye-opening, on some level. It was a reality check of sorts; a reminder that there are actual men walking around with this mindset and his father's twisted view of women. After everything, I’m sad to say, I’m not sure Tyler understood that what he did was wrong and more importantly why.

The ending is a bit dramatic, toeing the line of too happy territory, and punctuated by a glaringly hypocritical situation. Are Tyler’s actions a valid excuse for Amber’s? Why would one person tell the truth and not the other? Those are only two of the hundreds of questions that raced through my mind during this emotionally laden journey.

My decision to pick up a book is often influenced by several things. This time around, it was a heartfelt review written by my friend, Chelsea. If you haven’t had the chance to read her moving review, I urge you to check it out -->here. I applaud Chelsea and Amy Hatvany (be sure to check out her letter to the reader) for having the strength to share their experiences in the hopes that their words might help someone else and bring awareness to such a controversial issue.

This may be one of the most difficult reviews I've ever had to write. I mostly read light hearted fiction novels so It Happens All the Time was a little out of my comfort zone. Hatvany tackles an uncomfortable topic, but one that is often pushed aside and ignored. She wrote a story about rape, but not just an assault or abuse story, one that is relevant and incredibly important to men and women today. This is a story of a young girl and her best friend and how they are put into a situation that many have faced and have been afraid to come forward about. Hatvany attempts to shed light on the ugly truth of rape and does a fantastic job.

There were so many emotions running through my mind while reading this book. The main thing I kept thinking about was advice that I was given back in college from a mentor. She always reminded me that "no" means no, but she also reminded me again and again to always be aware of the situation that you put yourself into. I am by no means saying the incident was Amber's fault, it absolutely wasn't, but you are in control of your surroundings and your consumption of alcohol and drugs. Always be mindful of how much you have to drink, where you are, and how you present yourself. You have to protect yourself against similar situations.

The other side of the story is the male side. Amber told Tyler no, but he didn't listen. At that point, it didn't matter what Amber did leading up to that moment. She said no and she meant it, but Tyler didn't respect her decision. Rape is a pretty black and white term to me and Tyler definitely crossed the line. In the end, I believe Tyler faced his mistakes and wanted to make sure a similar situation didn't occur again.

All in all, It Happens All the Time is an intensely heartbreaking story about what rape can look like. I think the story was incredibly relatable because Hatvany formed the characters into people we could know and love. I personally didn't love the book, but it did open my eyes to the topic of rape and I think it was an enlightening read. I am not giving it a full star rating because I don't think it is a book for everyone. You have to be in the right mindset and prepare for the intensity of the novel. I would definitely recommend it to people who have gone through similar situations as it might give you some peace of mind about your feelings and experiences.

“Amber kisses Tyler and what happens next will change them forever.” These words in the book’s summary grabbed me but made me uncomfortable. Rightly so. This was not an easy book to read. In fact, it was heartbreaking and brought back upsetting memories of my own experience back in the 70’s as a young teen. I commend Amy, who herself is a survivor of sexual assault, for the courage to write this book and and start a conversation about victims’ rights. She writes a memorable story which will solicit strong emotion from most readers, I suspect. As far as I know, we haven’t made much progress since the 70’s in the US, rape victims continue to be afraid to turn to the criminal justice system for fear of being second guessed or ridiculed. We can do better.

I found this book difficult to read because of the subject matter. That should not deter you from reading this well crafted novel. I just want you to be aware that the rape scenes and subject matter may be a trigger for some. That being said, the writing is superb and quite sensitive. The author has included a poignant introduction and shares personal info and feelings. The story is interesting and well paced. Amy Hatvany writes with passion and compassion and that made the story more palatable. It might be appropriate as a book discussion selection, because it lends itself well to discussion and debate.

This story follows Amber and Tyler, two best friends whose lives changed after one tragic night, told from both POV's, before and after what happened.

"I think about how there are some wounds unreachable by words, some sins immune to apology. I think about this, and then I think about Tyler. How there are some things you just can't forgive."

I wasn't prepared for how much I would feel reading this story. I really wasn't. Amy Hatvany was real with her depiction of how a rape victim feels after it happens and... I wasn't prepared for how much they feel. It tore me apart. My heart was aching with every word I was reading, suffering along with Amber especially to have it done by someone she considered her best friend. That one event changed her life drastically and for the worse.

"This was some other man, some animal, not the boy I'd known and loved. He was a stranger violating my body, a monster taking what he wanted and not caring about the carnage left in his wake."

In the end, all she wanted was justice. But to try to get to that point, she had to speak up and she just wasn't ready. How disgusting and shocking it is that assault victims feel like they can't come forward and speak up because "justice" simply isn't in their favor. Everyone ends up putting the blame on the victim. That's beyond sad and it infuriates me. Reading Amber's story reminded me of the cruel world we live in and how if she was into it at first, she wanted it. The title is very fitting to this novel because it really does happen all the time. Just because we don't hear about it every day, doesn't mean it isn't happening.

It's easy to understand why this story and the feels felt so real. It's because the author went through something like this. I can only imagine that all the anguish Amber went through, the author did as well and it's why this story really hit me hard.

It Happens All the Time is a shocking, compelling and gut-wrenching realistic novel on how drinking can really be dangerous and lead to committing crimes you never thought someone would do. It also deals with the aftermath of what happened and how painful it is for a victim to go through it.

An issue-oriented novel that focuses on the timely topic of consent, in this case between two drunk friends at a party. Unique in that chapters alternate from victim/perp POVs, neither character vilified nor entirely abdicated of responsibility. Still, it felt a bit like After School Special. Picoult fans will enjoy this one.

This is probably one of the most difficult books I've ever reviewed. My heart was completely shattered. I stayed up until 4AM because I couldn't turn the pages fast enough. I hoped for a miracle, of happy resolution for all parties. I KNEW THAT WAS IMPOSSIBLE. I ached for all parties involved. I would have done anything to stop Tyler. His parents ultimately failed him. Is that excuse absolutely not, but I was just so incredibly sad because Amber was the only good in his life. The only person who truly cared about his well being, Amber and her family. And Amber, oh sweetheart no it wasn't your fault at all. Thank you Atria for allowing me to review. This should be a requirement for any parent. We so easily put the blame on the victim or even the rapist. Reading both POV completely changed my perspective on rape and rape culture. I never ever thought to think in the POV of the rapist. Seriously Atria thank you again. This is a book I will continue to recommend over and over.

Amber and Tyler have been friends since they were kids. Both had difficult issues to deal with growing up- Amber struggled with anorexia despite a solid home life and Tyler had to deal with a demeaning father whom he was never good enough for- and when times were tough they leaned on one another.

As they grew older Tyler began to have feelings for Amber, feelings that he confessed but weren't reciprocated. Both wanted to continue being friends, but things were awkward.

Coming home after her college graduation, newly engaged and just a little unsure about how fast things were moving in her life, Amber finds herself turning to Tyler for comfort. One night, fueled by her own uncertainty and the addition of alcohol to the mix, Amber finds herself kissing Tyler. What happens next will destroy both of their worlds.

This is, no doubt, a hard book to read. The subject matter, rape, is not one that is easy to read about, however author Amy Hatvany has handled it with sensitivity and grace. This story isn't about rape between strangers, but rape between friends, so the subject is even more difficult to read about. Rape between friends changes so many things in your day to day life, and after a rape like this occurs there is so much aftermath to deal with.

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME brings up a really important issue, the issue of consent when it comes to sexual activity. When does "no" mean "no"? What about the events leading up to the rape? Does what a person wears or how a person acts translate into unspoken consent? Hatvany delved in to this topic, and she did such a great job examining it from all angles. She wrote this story from alternating perspectives and presented a well-rounded version of the story. I appreciated this. It may have been easier to write this solely from the female's perspective, but Hatvany didn't take the easy way out and she presented this from both points of view.

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME is poignant and thought-provoking. It brought some delicate issues to life on the page and it made me consider how I would deal with a similar situation should it arise. Well-written and timely, IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME is a must-read for women everywhere that will have you thinking about it well after you've closed the book.

There is nothing - and I do stress NOTHING - easy about this book. Every word, every page - everything - is difficult and emotionally draining. Here's the thing, though: this is a good thing when it makes you consider what and how you think about rape.

Like the blurb says, Amber and Tyler have been best friends since their teen years, each helping the other through family angst and agony. In Amber's case, Tyler's friendship literally saved her life. Even through life's ups and downs, they have remained close friends.

But Tyler always wanted more. His love for Amber is not brotherly. He loves her in every sense of the word. Just looking at her arouses him, and he finds himself battling his jealousies when she returns home after graduating from college and announces she is engaged. When you love someone the way Tyler loves Amber, news that this person has given her heart to someone else hurts. It devastates.

As Amber considers where her life is taking her, she feels some doubt and insecurity. The latter emotion is as familiar a friend as Tyler. Amber has battled insecurity since childhood and nearly let it kill her. Now she looks at her fiancé and wonders if it's too soon, if perhaps they are fast-tracking this next stage of their lives. She is grateful to Tyler, whom she loves dearly. There have been times when she's felt herself attracted to him, but she loves their friendship too much to jeopardize it.

Amidst this backdrop of unrequited love and self-doubt, Amber and Tyler go to a party. They drink too much. Alcohol is a powerful aphrodisiac, you know. It's also an evil manipulator, able to make you see feelings where they are not and able to make you to convince you of things you know, in your heart of hearts, are not true.

What happens that night is horrifying, and Amy Hatvany does not protect you from that. She puts you in both Amber's and Tyler's perspectives, letting you see how Tyler allowed himself to believe that his love was being reciprocated while also showing you Amber's confusion and powerlessness. There is a line - "He kissed me again, forcefully this time, slipping his tongue inside my mouth and rolling it around like a fat slug" - that devastated and sickened me.

By telling this story through both the victim and the perpetrator, Hatvany lets you see how acquaintance rape can result from misunderstanding, even as she shows you the havoc it wreaks. Tyler knows what he did was wrong, yet in that moment, he felt like his years of yearning were over, that he was finally getting the girl he loves. Rape is about power, and Tyler felt full of the power of believing he was getting what he wanted.

While Hatvany allows you to feel some sympathy for Tyler, she leaves you with no doubt about the horrors of rape. Amber, already a fragile young woman, is broken by this experience. She is not always an easy character to like, yet she makes it clear that you should feel no ambivalence about Amber's victimization. Tyler committed a crime, and in doing so, he wrecked Amber's life and his own.

Like I said, this is a difficult book to read. It hurts, at times. Yet it also gives you hope that you can recover from something like this, whether you are the victim or the victimizer. Hatvany leaves you hoping for the best for Amber and, yes, Tyler.

*** Schedued for publication on the blog on April 7

This novel is about acquaintance rape -- in fact, the two were best friends. Until the night when they both got seriously drunk and Tyler did not stop when Amber first seemed enthusiastic and then said NO.

"It happens all the time -- these drunk hookups between men and women, both of them remembering different versions of the truth."

I really didn't like anything about this book or any of the characters, especially not Amber or Tyler. Part of this probably stems from my belief (after working with teenagers and young adults for most of my working life) that there is no such thing as a purely platonic relationship between a boy and a girl. Seems that one of them is always harboring a secret desire for the relationship to be more, or in fact, one of them is already in love with the other. So it was with Amber and Tyler -- though she had moved on and was engaged, Tyler still harbored deep feelings for Amber. Amber was a mess -- previously anorexic, she still had lots of psych issues that she'd flipped to a degree in nutrition and exercise science to compensate. Tyler was also whacked due to his idiot misogynistic father's advice and treatment of Tyler. Those two should have kept a big distance from each other and things might not have gone that far had the both had enough sense not to get drunk. Drinking to excess is always a bad decision. Defenses are down, libido is heightened, sense and judgement go out the window. But she still, at the last moment, did say NO and Tyler either did not hear or did not want to hear that word and raped her.

So yes, this is a very timely topic and a serious one for all parties involved. So why didn't I like it, why wouldn't I recommend it to young people, why can't I feel rage against Tyler and why can't I want revenge like Amber? Part of it is because I didn't like Amber in the first place, but make sure to understand that I am not excusing Tyler or in any way condoning what he diid. I think it just makes me mad that young people give alcohol control of their lives and then are surprised when consequences occur. Is Amber at all to blame for what happened to her? Is Tyler a monster? We all know that NO MEANS NO -- everyone has heard it so many times. Would the situation they got themselves into have occured if they had been sober? I blame drugs and alcohol -- any sense one has seems to go out the window. You don't own yourself when you're in a stupor of drunkenness but you are 100% responsible for what you do or don't know while under its influence.

This trips every emotion that you have and keeps you reading. I finish a Hatvany book and want to start all over again!

Amy Hatvany books always give you feelings that linger long after the last page is turned, and in This Happens All the Time she does an even bigger job by bringing women's issues to the fore front. Told in alternating views we see how Amber and Tyler childhood friends end up somewhere they never thought possible.

Tyler has always loved Amber but to her, he was always just a friend, until one night after drinking she kisses Tyler and that one action sets Tyler off to actions he can never take back. I loved how Hatvany uses the alternating chapters to show us how each of the characters sees their actions. Like the saying goes there are 3 sides to the story yours, theirs and the truth. We see how they both viewed things in completely different lights.
When one hears “rape” we usually think of it as done by the hands of a stranger but most of the time it is done by someone we know, so when it came to this storyline we see Amber dealing with the fact that it was someone she grew up with leaving her with questions why? Amber’s pain will rock you to your core leaving you wanting justice. I won't make a case for Tyler what he did was beyond words but seeing his side lets you into his mind and how he saw things.

This is a book that demands to be read. It’s a hard topic to read but for that reason it must be read. We tend not to talk about issues that we aren’t comfortable with but we have to get over it in order to learn. While this isn’t a light read by any means it is one that you will learn from and sometimes those are the greatest ones we will remember.

This is my second book by Amy and I have to say this one is much harder to read because of the content. Some parts were harder to read than other scenes The attack itself and the flash- backs or descriptions was the hardest as the imagery i got in my head.

I was surprised how the story ended up but it was a powerful story and I hope it helps women who have been through violence in their life. I thought Amy wrote the book very well, and delicately

Thanks goes to net galley and the publishers for providing me with a free in exchange for an honest review.

It Happens All The Time wasn't an easy book to read!It's a powerful and poignant read!This is one of these stories that must to be read!It is raw,honest,emotional and real.It is one of these stories I'll never forget!

The storyline is very good having both POVS and how Amber and Tyler are friends.Also about the night that changes everything.

The title is perfect for the story.If you are looking for a poignant story this is perfect for you!

Wow. Powerful. I knew this novel
Was going to be intense from the moment I read the letter from the author to the reader and to know that this was a pain she had experienced. When an author stated "I don't want to argue I want to discuss" you know as a reader that you are in for a roller coaster of a story and a novel that will impact you positively or negatively after finishing.

It is sad that in society when a female is raped that our first instinct is to ask what the victim did to "help" the rape happen. Sometimes when lines of friendship and love are blurred or crosses on more than occasion the lines of what happens between them also gets blurred. And maybe that gives someone the right to toe the line but not cross.

I like the style of narration. I liked hearing both sides. The character development was strong and the story was realistic. I felt that this could have been non fiction because it was very true to life and strong.

This is a novel that should be read and discussed. The author's writing is strong and on par with Jodi Picoult and other greats of this genre. This is the first I've read of this author but won't be the last. Not meant as a beach read but a strong read to be digested and discussed. This will defiantly be a novel I'd like to read at a future book club or just to discuss in general. This could jot have been easy for the author and I admire her bravery and strength!

This novel releases at the end of March. Fans of Picoult, Moyes and novels that are controversial should not miss!!

Thanks to netgalley, Atria and the author for an early read!!

I started reading this with an open mind. I didn't care for the book, there is no way a woman can think like a man to begin with and as a mother of two boys this book just pissed me off. I'll start by saying no means no period. Having said that these young girls put themselves in situations that they should be smarter than. This girl was throwing signals at this guy for weeks, she then gets drunk and is all over him but (I feel) when things have gone to far for logic she puts the brakes on. Should he have stopped? Yes without a doubt but I can also see where logic was out the window. Please people don't put yourselves in positions that lead to tragedy