Talking with Your Child about Their Autism Diagnosis

Having 2 daughters on the spectrum I jumped at the chance to check this book out; my daughters are still young enough that we haven’t had that conversation but I know the day will come.

I truly appreciated this book and felt the advice it contained was helpful, healing and straightforward. The author obviously put tremendous effort into the research and poured her heart into creating a tome that is both educational and uplifting. She went beyond just telling you what to say and how to say it.

You get to start at the beginning with those words that seem so incredibly hard to hear – the diagnosis, the end to one path and the beginning of another. You have to accept the truth and new reality that will be your child’s life when those seemingly simple yet heavy words are spoken and what your new responsibilities will be as a parent.

Autism can be such a hot button issue that depending on where your child fits on the spectrum you will have to decide who needs to know, what effect letting others know has, what kind of people will be involved in their lives or not and most important of all how are you even going to start that conversation?

When my girls were first diagnosed at 4 (my oldest) and 3 (my youngest) it was so obvious we had to offer explanations if only just so people would back off.

I had a father stand by while his children bullied my oldest for not understanding the ‘social rules’ of the games they were playing on the playground.

At another time a mother went off on my youngest in a Barnes & Noble for not sharing legos with her daughter when her child ask mine for them; my youngest at the time was non-verbal and didn’t understand what the child was asking and personally I didn’t see the need to explain as there were TONS of legos on the table so there was no need for my daughter to turn over the ones she had to the other.

In both instances I let the parents know they were bullying a special needs child and explained that being on the spectrum meant my children didn’t understand what theirs were wanting.

I admittedly began isolating my kids from neurotypicals for a few years in order to protect them not just from other children but their parents.

One of the things I loved is that the author point blank stated that autism cannot be cured which is a belief I share; I do not think it can be cured any more than down syndrome yet you don’t hear people touting cures for that. She also provides worksheets, questions, illustrations and a great fill in the blank that allows your child to take an interactive part in your discussion.

It was easier for me to want to read and take her advice because she has a son on the spectrum and this is her personal journey along with his. I’m more apt to listen to a fellow mom who has walked in my shoes than someone who has just spent time researching it.

At its most basic this is just an intimate guide that tells you how, when, why and what to do if problems come up but it’s also more than that; it’s a story, a journey, a life many of us lead and we are all just trying our best.

This is a comprehensive and useful addition to the body of literature on Autism. Written by a psychologist who is also the parent of a child with autism, it is full of useful, sensible and above all well researched advice. It goes into depth about whether to tell a child about their diagnosis and how. As you might expect, there is no definitive answer and the author is careful to emphasise the differences between children and how this might affect what a parent does. There is also a discussion about whether to tell others about the diagnosis and why it might be a good idea. The book is well illustrated with examples from the author's own experiences both as a parent and as a psychologist. In addition there is a section with downloadable worksheets for a parent to work through with their child to help in the discussion of the diagnosis. It is never going to be an easy task to tell a child of their diagnosis but this book would certainly make it a little easier and help the parent to feel they are not alone. As a psychologist involved in the diagnostic process I would certainly be happy to recommend this resource to parents. Thanks to NetGalley and Jessica Kingsley books for the ARC.

Set out with clear chapter headings/themes, this book just about covers everything, and more. Themes include: thinking about where you are on your journey of acceptance before you begin to think about telling your child; ensure you know the facts about autism; reasons to tell them; when to tell them; how to tell them. The author has some lovely new ideas about discussing autism with your child, as well as signposting useful books and video clips. I imagine that the most useful part for many parents will be the real-life examples she provides, and the questions that arise as a result of parents telling their children. I'll definitely be recommending this one to parents!