What If?

*3.5 stars*

I’ve read a number of these hi-lo fiction novels recently and this one was definitely my favorite of the bunch. This is what is considered “hi-lo” fiction—short books that are designed to encourage young, reluctant readers to read more. This one seems like it is aimed for an early middle school to early high school audience, so basically mid-middle grade and early young adult.

In this novel, we follow a teenage boy named Josh who is struggling to understand the way his brain is functioning. Something just does not feel right to him—his mind is driving him to do things he knows others don’t tend to do such as to repeatedly check door locks and counting cracks in ceilings. Deep down, he knows he does not need to do any of this, however, he feels that he must or harm will come to his loved ones. When he is diagnosed with OCD, Josh finally knows what is wrong, but overcoming it is a daunting obstacle looming ahead.

I feel a very personal connection to these types of stories as I have struggled with OCD for many years. In fact, I was around the same age as Josh—early high school—when I was officially diagnosed. This personal connection can be either good or bad. It can make me quite picky about the way it is portrayed. I think that Anna Russell ended up doing quite a good job with this. Josh’s struggles felt very realistic and accurate to what experiencing OCD is like and I believe it will be quite an informative story for readers.

It is difficult for me to put myself in the position of someone who is reluctant to read, but I felt it was important for me to check these types of novels out. I, of course, want to promote reading to everyone any chance I get. While I do wish there had been a little more to this book—not much, just that is was a bit longer and went into more detail about OCD—I do think this is a good addition to hi-lo fiction. This is definitely a story I can see readers really getting into, and I think it will not only encourage them to explore literature more but that it will also teach them some important information about mental health.

Josh has always had to do things differently - following the voice in his head that says bad things will happen if he doesn't finish a song, count the crack on the ceiling, and check his locker combo dozens of times. As Josh's life becomes more affected by these thoughts Josh discovers he has OCD. This story of coming to terms with who you are, finding friends who accept you, and not being afraid to be yourself is one that readers will be able to relate to on multiple levels.

A verse novel is a great way to convey a small amount of information in a more extended fashion. This is a fairly straightforward journey. From feeling isolated and strange to understanding and managing mental illness. Simple but fairly emotionally intense. And because its a largely emotional journey, its well suited to the verse novel format, which can have more room to explore emotions than a traditional narrative. Not the best example of the genre I've ever encountered, but decent.

Russell's What If? is a story written out as a book. It follows a young boy who loves to drum. And who has to repeat or 'do over’ certain actions or tasks, thanks to obsessive thoughts. Josh is a counter, one suffering from OCD who must count things. As his problems grow worse, Josh consents to talking to a therapist, and to taking medication to help quiet the obsessions. As the OCD grows worse and begin to cause issues in school, Josh's father doesn't make it easy. He strips Josh of coping aids, and questions why Josh can't just stop acting on the thoughts, can't just turn the thoughts off. Can things ever work out in Josh's favour?

I loved the poem format of the story. I'm finding more and more books that tell their whole stories this way. As a poet myself, I find this a delightful trend, and hope it fosters a greater sense of appreciation for poetry in groups that might otherwise discount it. As a story about a teen coping with OCD, I 100% grok this. I suffered from it badly, starting in middle school. I'm a checker, and organiser. I used to have to check door locks ten to fifteen times in a row before being released from the compulsion. Or check electrical items to make sure they were off. And you know, deep down, this behaviour makes no sense, but the surface thoughts don't let go. If the door's unlocked, a stranger might get in. If things are left on, they might catch fire. Josh's thoughts, his actions, and reactions were so relatable to me, and certainly will be to any out there suffering from this vicious anxiety disorder.

***Many thanks to Netgalley and West 44 Books for providing an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I requested this book as I had already read a book by the same publisher that I liked and wanted to try out more.

As I had already read a book written only in verse, this time I knew what was expecting me. I really liked the flow of the story that I finished it in one go. I had a lot of insight into the main characters struggles and loved it, I think the format of writing in verse really accentuated the mental illness for the better. The plot was really comfortable to read and entertaining as well as also realistic.

All in all it was an okay read for a short while that you don't have to concentrate too much on when reading it as the plot and relationships aren't very deep.

This is a unique and engaging book, written in verse, which deals with teen mental health in an authentic way.

Although the book was in the form of a collection of poems, it still read like a novel. I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a better idea of what a person who’s diagnosed with OCD has to go through every single day.
This was eye-opening, especially since these days there’s either so much stigma around mental illnesses or they get to be romanticized and carelessly belittled.

I found this novel to be fascinating. I thought it was well-written in verse. I found this format to be in tune with what Josh was going through. He has OCD and anxiety. The challenges he faces with this disability are profound. He was able to make a friend in the novel that helped him to open up, but that was challenging as well. His fear of others finding out why he was acting strangely caused him to push those close to him away. He was able to find solace in the music of the Beatles, and eventually his group. A talent show was his opportunity to shine, and he did. 

I would recommend this novel to anyone dealing with OCD or curious about what OCD is.

Thank you Netgalley and the Publisher for allowing me the opportunity to read this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and West 44 Books for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I requested this book because I really enjoy reading books about mental illness and I also like books written in verse. This book, although good, seemed too short. It seemed a little to rushed.

Josh is a teenager who has OCD but don't know it. He moved schools because he was falling behind in his old school. He finally sees a doctor who diagnoses him with OCD. Now that he has a diagnosis he learns how to cope with and overcome his OCD.

Overall, it was an ok book. I wish it had been longer so we could get more into the plot and get to know the characters even more.

Thank you again to West 44 Books and Netgalley.

This is one of them books I wish I could actually hold in my hands as I'm sure the ebook doesn't do it justice and it looks more beautiful on paper.
It's a perfect quick read, almost poetic. I myself have no experience with OCD and can't relate, hence the four stars out of five.
It's very well written, unique, yet I so wish there had been more of it.

“I think she wants all the pieces of us- who we used to be.” I looked out the car window, saw Mom walking toward us, sunshine grin lighting up her face.
“Julia?” I asked. “Do you think that means she’s afraid of who we’re going to become?”

It’s always hard to rate a book about a disorder you’re not familiar with or do not have experience with, but the way the author describes the anxiety Josh felt and the way he struggled with how his brain worked seems a truthful fit (not mentioning outsiders just not understanding that your brain works differently and you cannot control it).

This is a verse book which I love, and it works very well with the story. Josh is a 16-year-old boy who has undiagnosed OCD. He, along with his family, friends, and teachers from school, do not understand why he acts like he does. In the book, is OCD is most prominent when he’s playing his drums. He HAS to finish each song he starts no matter what. Even if his parents tell him to stop or if he’s running late for school, he has to finish. Of course, that puts a strain on his relationship with his father, who just thinks he’s being rebellious.

Julia is Josh’s older sister. She’s the one who Josh trusts the most, and for not understanding Josh’s dilemma, Julia is very understanding of him. BUT, she’s also not the perfect teenager that’s usually portrayed in YA books. She gets frustrated with her brother’s antics even while trying to understand him.

I really, really appreciate the author’s attention to mental disorder and medication. Josh’s therapist explained that medication is not a fix-all as some believe; it’s just there to help with symptoms.

Overall, “What If?” is a great quick read that lets readers see in the mind of someone with a mental disorder, and how he and his family are affected.

Book Review
Title: What If?
Author: Anna Russell
Genre: YA/Verse/Mental Illness
Rating: *****
Review: All I knew about What If was that it is a ya novel written in verse about a boy named Josh struggling with OCD. I loved Sarah Crossan’s One which was written in verse, so I was very excited to read this book. It is clear to see from the outset that Josh has OCD and possibly his mother as well, but he hasn’t been diagnosed and has no idea how to process or cope with these strange thoughts and habits.
The only coping mechanism Josh has is playing the drums but is thrown into panic when first his father and then his music teacher prevent him from playing. We also learn that the family has already has to move once before because of Josh’s issues and there isn’t much improvement in his new school, but he is good at math.
When history seems to be repeating itself Julia, Josh’s sister tells their parents all the secrets Josh has confessed to her over the years and the school counsellor recommended that Josh see a specialist. His parents make him an appointment and it is there he is diagnosed with OCD and given medication for his anxiety. Although for a while nothing seems to change, he suddenly has a marginal amount of control over his obsessive thoughts.
Josh manages to make a great friend in Mage who is a strange girl herself, but she makes Josh feel like he doesn’t have to perfect all the time and that’s ok. As time goes on Josh decides to start a band with Mage and compete in the school talent show but we also see his mother definitely has OCD, but she isn’t willing to admit it or get treatment for it like Josh.
Josh decides to bring Julia into the band to complete it, however, his grades at school aren’t great and he begins worrying again but he has developed some coping and release mechanisms. In the end this book isn’t a journey of OCD, and Josh’s journey, it is about him seeing the world through his own eyes and understanding what he sees and getting others to understand him too. I really liked the fact that Josh wasn’t cured at the end of What If, but rather he was on the road to recovery with some very supportive people beside him.

As a person diagnosed with OCD, I appreciate times I can see myself in stories. This short story in verse helps to narratively explain OCD and to destigmatize treatment options. This piece is short enough to read in one sitting and still provide enough material to make a reader think.

I was provided an advanced copy oof this book in exchange for an honest opinion. This book was interesting. I've never read a book in this poetry style before, but it really worked. Anna brought to life the O.C.D. mind of a teenager very well, illustrating common worries and a way to push through those challenges. It was heart warming to see the family come together, and his friendship grow. This was a wonderful quick read to shed some light on a condition that affects many.

This is my second YA Verse from West 44 Books, and again I was blown away. I loved this story so much, it was so touching and I really felt for Josh. Yes, this is a 200 page book and it’s written in verse, and so it’s easy to think that it might not have a considerable amount of depth and meaning, and yet, this had both of those things. I adore the simplicity of YA Verse and think that it’s extremely refreshing to just have the most necessary words on the page. It offers such a unique experience in keeping the focus on the main characters and gives a sense of intimacy, as the less words there are, the more exposed the character feels in what we are actually given about them, if that makes sense.

Josh is our main character, and is one of the sweetest souls, he is struggling with his OCD and as a result, how to navigate his everyday life – at home and at school. Josh doesn’t fully understand what’s happening to him when he experiences his OCD symptoms, and so it’s almost impossible for him to try and explain to others how he is feeling. The author did an amazing job though, at making us feel as if we were inside Josh’s head, experiencing his symptoms along with him. The format really emphasizes how Josh is feeling, in a more visual way. For example, when Josh feels overwhelmed by something, the words themselves become very fragmented and scattered on the page, I thought that this was brilliant and just shows the creative freedom that writing in verse allows authors, “Joshua!”he screams. I shake my head. My body

m

o

v

e

s

even though I don’t tell it to.”

This book was so informative, regarding what it must feel like to have OCD on this scale, there were so many examples of Josh’s symptoms. We saw a lot of variations of the obsessions and compulsions that he experiences from day to day, all the what if’s that go through his mind, and so the title is very fitting, “But I couldn’t stop thinking. Until: 1. I knew how many cracks were in the ceiling…2. I checked my bedroom window. Unlock, open, close, lock…3. I mumbled all the words to Abbey Road without messing up”. It was lovely though to see how Josh has music as his safe space, something that really helps him get through the more difficult times, “When I’m drumming, things feel right. Like finally fitting a puzzle piece into its spot”. However, it is both sad and realistic, that he can never truly escape his thoughts, ‘you have to finish the song-or else. Something bad, bad, bad is going to happen. I guess sometimes my thoughts bother me here.’ Each person probably has their own unique experience and journey with OCD, but Josh’s was very eye opening and contained great detail, with his therapist offering some very helpful analogies for what’s happening to him. I think that this was done so well, because the author has their own personal experiences with OCD.

Despite the length of the book, I felt like I’d been on a huge journey with Josh, in many areas of his life. We see how Josh progresses at school – both academically and sociably, with his OCD and with his family. He has quite a lot that he’s dealing with, he’s struggling to get to his classes on time, because his compulsions are making him late, or he simply can’t bring himself to go to the lesson at all. He’s dealing with his OCD all alone, whilst also feeling intense guilt that he can’t meet his dad’s expectations and because he feels responsible for the family having to move away. He seems to have a very strained relationship with his father in particular, as he is very hard on him to do well in school and fails to even try to understand Josh’s difficulties. I thought that it was so important to show how Josh’s family reacts to his diagnosis, as it isn’t just Josh that has to come to terms with it, “Dad doesn’t think I need the medicine. “Well, just stop yourself from doing the— what are they called? The rituals. Yeah. Rituals. Now that you know, can’t you just… stop?”he asks…Mom isn’t sure about the medicine, and what it will do, either.” As the book progressed though we saw the family start to speak their truth and understand each other and there ends up being very touching scenes between Josh and his mum, and Josh and his dad! I’m a sucker for the development of family relationships in books, so this warmed my heart a great deal!

Josh’s OCD has made him see himself in a very negative light and he doesn’t have much confidence at all, “Who would like a freak like me anyway?”, this broke my heart because he’s just so pure and doesn’t deserve to feel this way. I was so delighted when a classmate approaches him and they strike up an adorable friendship, and she’s a poc, which made me squeal just a bit, it shouldn’t be so monumental in this day and age, but I still feel so happy when there’s a character who’s a poc. Mage is the cutest thing and I wouldn’t of chosen anyone else to befriend my Josh, “Hair tight in braids, deep brown skin, sparkles on her lips…“I’m Mage,” she says. “I’m new, too.” When I open my mouth, I realize I’m smiling around my words: “Um, yeah,” I say.” It’s not quite clear whether they think of each other as more than friends, but I enjoyed this, because their friendship was so amazing and I didn’t see any need for it to go further than it did. This was a powerful story documenting Josh’s experiences with his OCD and I heartily recommend it, especially to those who would like to learn more about it.

A teen with OCD that doesn't know he has OCD. this book was written in Verse format and was very good. Its Short but important and an amazing book.

Given to me on behalf of Netgalley, through the publisher in return for my honest opinion.

Josh Baker has thoughts, lots of What If? thoughts. It isn't until he sees a Dr. He finds out these thoughts and the rituals that come with them are effects of OCD - mental illness that often makes the brain feel like it is on repeat, and more. He also finds out how is Father views it, and a secret his mother has kept for so long. Through music though Josh learns to tell his story, who he is. Becoming unattached to the idea that he is his OCD. A senstive and inspiring novel of the effects of OCD on the brain and the body and the world around you. Written in a journal format making it feel that much more personal to the reader, and the characters. The author did a magnicicent job in the writing style, vocabulary, etc. I loved this novel and definately recommend for your 2019 TBR!!!

Josh Baker has OCD, but he doesn't know that. All he knows is when he gets stressed, he starts counting things. And since he just moved because of his school results, and the pressure his dad puts on him, he is very stressed. Thankfully, he has the drums. He loves drumming and is very good at it.

This book is written in verse. I really like books told in verses, especially since I like short books.
In this case, I found I would have liked it better had it been longer. I felt like some things were brushed over and could have been deepened. It would have been really interesting too.
I flew threw this and read it in one sitting, it was enjoyable.
Josh was an interesting and touching character and I liked delving into his relationships to his parents, but also to his sister and his new school friend.
The writing was agreeable.
By the time I finished the book though, I felt like something was missing, like I could have felt more... And that's too damn bad.

Being controlled by OCD, when Josh finally gets diagnosed it's a blessing and a curse as he has to come to terms with it and how to negotiate life with his illness taking his pills and getting treatment at last.



He makes friends with Mage a girl in his English classclass, he can trust and rely on after his dad moved them to this new area thanks to Josh failing school. Only drumming can calm his mind from OCD so when his friends make a band, it helps even more until his dad threatens to take it all away...



Told in verse, this book raises awareness of the impact that OCD can have on a person especially teens with the stress of school anyway without having any other problems. Raw and hard hitting to the point, a great book!



Many thanks to the publishers for allowing me to review this book for them!

I had a lot of hope for this book but sadly it didn't really do anything for me. There was so much potential in the story. There could have been so much more included in the narrative and I was a bit disappointed.
What if? follows Josh, who struggles with OCD. He loves music and is an awesome drummer. He starts to fall behind in school due to his undiagnosed OCD. Things, like opening his locker again and again, and never feeling like any of his work, is perfect just gets in the way of him doing his best at school. After Josh is diagnosed, his dad doesn't seem to understand why his OCD is a problem. And his mom seems to relate to Josh more than anyone knows.

The story is written in verse. Similar to Ellen Hopkins, if you've ever read anything by her. I normally love reading books that deal with mental illness which was why I picked this one up in the first place but this book was lacking substance and emotion. Everything felt rushed and happens way too quickly, and is spoken about so vaguely. It felt kind of like reading a sentence written like, "he went there and did this and then this happened." I didn't feel a connection to any of the characters at all which is very important to me as a reader. I'm sad to say that overall I didn't really enjoy this book and wouldn't recommend.

The download given was a short teaser of a full length story done in verse. I am interested in hearing a final version. I prefer audio when it comes to books done in verse. So far so good.

<i>What If</i>  by Anna Russell is the second bit of poetry fiction that I've read so far this week and I'm finding that I really enjoy this type of storytelling. Poetry collections are nice and all, but they are infinitely more appealing when they follow an actual story and plot. Young Joshua's grades have slipped and his family has moved to a new school where he finds himself stuck at his locker, opening and closing it exactly a hundred times before he can go to his class. He loves playing the drums but must complete a very specific set in order to ensure that nothing bad will happen to his sister.

Following, in a poetry format, the story of a young man as he learns to deal with his obsessive compulsive disorder, the book does an amazing job of capturing what it's like to live with this condition, the effects it has on one's family, and how it can take over one's every day life. I really enjoyed and appreciated the accurate portrayal of OCD as well as the poems in which they were described.

I'll admit, I didn't feel like there was really much plot to the story and it basically just followed a very simplistic, "get your grades up or you'll lose out on all these things" sort of path which, frankly, I have never found wholly interesting. While I do deeply appreciate the availability of a diversification for neuronal states, I never really felt deeply interested in Joshua's friend nor the talent show he wanted to participate in. Those just aren't my kind of books.

All in all, I think this poetry book was well written and a fun, quick read. I definitely think I'll be reading more like this in the future.

<i>I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. </i>

The verse novel format worked well with this subject matter - a young boy struggling to make sense of his obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The spacing and repetition give the reader a glimpse into Josh's brain and how he must repeat rituals in order to feel okay. Definitely a good book for struggling readers at the middle or lower high school level. The white space, simple story line, and straight forward vocabulary make it easy to digest.

This was a stupidly quick read. But I thought the way OCD is presented was super unique and I loved the imagery of the rhythm to represent the never-ending flow of thoughts in our main character's brain. It just ended so quickly! I wish it had lingered on more plot lines rather than running through it at breakneck speed. Again though, this offers an insanely good representation of OCD and the irregular rhythm that goes along with it. If you come across it, definitely give it a skim.

A beautifully written poetry book, What If? is about a boy who is diagnosed with OCD and starting to find a method that makes it manageable. First, while I am generally not a fan of verse (I keep saying this, don't I, but I genuinely didn't know this was verse when I requested it) but it worked especially well for Josh's first person POV, as it gave us a view into the structure of his thoughts, the compulsions intertwined with regular thoughts and conversations, and also how music played such an important part in the process. It told a story of a boy who is intelligent and smart but can't focus because of his anxiety, and feeling pressured by his father who expects his kids to challenge themselves academically, hitting a low point in his academics, and then being counseled to a visit a psychiatrist, which is when he can begin the road to living with it. Even then, his therapy is realistic, recounting his challenges, and his limits, and acknowledging that it will be difficult explaining to others what it feels like, the thoughts looping around one another, but eventually what is needed is understanding and support from the people around you, instead of punishments and restrictions to temper what is seen as 'bad behaviour'. I especially liked a metaphor regarding accepting help - something that neuroatypical people or people with mental disorders find difficult to do - because it simultaneously makes that feel less burdensome and also provides a hopeful message.

When I first started reading 'What if' I wasn't prepared for the poetic format.
This style of writing is a new one for me and whilst I appreciate the creative direction I personally found the formatting disordered and chaotic to read.
The pacing was difficult to follow along and I realise that the formating styling and pacing may have been a deliberate attempt by the author to convey the true difficulty of living with OCD.
I found as a reader however it was not the easiest creative idea to follow along with.
The positives I did enjoy and relate to were the young man Josh's journey and discovery of his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder coming to terms with having a lifelong mental illness and the struggles and stigmas attached to OCD.
I felt part of his journey though like looking through a window into his world watching him adapt and grow with his family how they support amd interact with him with regards to his OCD and how his friends and support circle all experience life with him and his mental illness and it was truly eye opening and gave really good insight into ones world dealing with the ups and downs of this type of mental illness.
As a parent of two children with Autism this book mirrored similar moments in our families lives where mental health has broken us down but built us up again stronger than before. As a mom I can empathise and see Josh and his struggles in a different light having been on the other side as the caregiver of someone with a mental and neurological disorder.
In that regard I enjoyed being able to relate to the characters experiences and the families experiences and I thought the author did a brilliant job of encapsulating this aspect.
Overall the author crafted an integrated and well versed look into what one goes through when dealing with OCD.

Thanks to Netgalley and West 44 Books for and ARC copy in exchange for an honest review.

What if?
By Anna Russell
Due January 2019
West 44 Books

Short but important and impactful YA book about a young boy, Josh Baker, who has always been obsessed with counting things-over and over. He is intelligent, a math-wiz and a talented drummer, but his low grades constantly disappoint his father. When Josh is diagnosed with OCD it is a blessing and a curse.
Writing this in lyrical prose was brilliant-sharing with the reader the fragmented, often disjointed thinking patterns of OCD.
Excellent book, I hope it does well.
Thanks to NetGalley and West 44 Books for an advance ebook copy for review.
#WhatIf #NetGalley

What If is every thing I LOVE about verse. It's the perfect story for this format. It follows Joshua who wants to be a drummer. Seriously all he can think about is drumming and rock music. Until he finds out he's OCD, then he must navigate this new diagnosis and his life. This story is emotional, and wonderful. The verse format was the perfect way to translate Joshuas thought onto paper. I loved this story so much!

I wasn't a fan of the poetic format of this book. The main character and plot was also kind of boring? It was happy to read rep for OCD, but you can't love a book for rep alone (even though it was great). I'm sad about this one!

This one was my first verse read. It was interesting. I think author did really good job. It was quick and meaningful read.

Hello everyone!

I’m really excited for today’s post because I’m going to be reviewing What If? by Anna Russell (which I was able to read thanks to NetGalley and West 44 Books so thank you so much to the both of them for making this review possible!).

I want to say before I begin that this book does cover mental illness (OCD in particular) so if reading such material could be upsetting to you in any way, I would either wait until you feel you’re in a better place or skip out on reading this book (and review, since I will be discussing my thoughts about the story!) because your well-being is more important!

This book is interesting in format because it is written in verse and as we follow the main character Josh, I couldn’t help but think that his story (in discovering he has OCD) was so well told in this particular way. There is repetition in Josh’s words or actions (as someone with OCD may experience) and having the simple way of story telling (in my reading experience) made what Josh was going through that much more impactful.

I also enjoyed how What If? expresses what the stage in first discovering you have a mental illness is like. I feel that readers who may believe that they have mental health issues will be able to relate to Josh (as I did when I was reading and thinking back to my own experiences on the matter) in how learning this new thing about yourself can be scary and how people around you may need time to understand this as well.

Overall, I found this book to be a great read and I’m excited for its release in January of 2019. I believe many people can find a piece of themselves in Josh’s story and that the mental illness representation (although I do not have OCD myself) was well written.

I had high hopes for this book but the writing style is like poems and it is really hard to follow so i didnt even get to finish it. i was disappointed

It was an okay book. Seemed like the author was working to hard to be like Ellen Hopkins. I liked the subject matter but felt like this could have been even better if it was a full book.

This was a quick read book but it had a very interesting story line. This book is written in verse all about our main character Josh who suffers from OCD dealing with a new school and ultimately finding friends and his family's acceptance. I enjoyed this book because the little verses gave you enough information to know what was going on but still left you with enough slack to let your imagination take over and fill in the blanks however you'd like. I did like however how this book showed the struggle that not only Josh faced with his disease but also the struggles that his family went through in trying to help and understand him. Cute book. There aren't many books that can pack a huge punch with so little words and pages however Ann Russell somehow managed to do both. Great read.

*4,75 stars out of five*
<i>What if?</i> by Anna Russell is a poetry book about a kid, Joshua, affected by OCD.
He’s a teenager who’s just moved to a new school where he’s supposed to make new friends and start a new life.
But that isn’t exactly easy to him. Whenever Josh has to face a new situation his mind gets stuck. So he counts and repeats actions.
Nobody, not even his family, understands why he’s struggling so much to get good grades and adapt to the change.
Josh in fact still has now idea why he needs to lock and unlock his school locker so many times before he goes to class or why he needs to count to 100 for things to feel right.
That wasn’t until the teachers suggested he might need to be seen by a professional.
That’s when Josh finally has an answer to his questions.
He feels different, alone and he doesn’t tell anyone about his intrusive thoughts for fear of being abandoned. However Mage, his classmate, doesn’t seem to care about his oddities. She’s always beaming and understanding and that’s how their cute and genuine friendship begins.
Josh though is not just his condition, he likes the Beatles and maths and has a passion for playing drums. Together with his sister and Mage they start a rock band and that’s finally an environment where he feels safe and free to express himself.
But all chickens come home to roost, in fact the family’s responsibility for Josh’s struggles gets more evident as Josh tries to carve out his own space.
His father, who initially not only didn’t care about the diagnosis but also was even annoyed by this news, now actively works against his son’s attempts at establishing relationships.

Although the book was in the form of a collection of poems, it still read like a novel.
The modern poetry made it seem like a flow of thoughts and a description of what was going through Josh’s mind at the time things were happening.
The use of repetitions and the way the words were visually displayed on the page sort of helped explaining the rituals and intrusive thoughts also in a graphical way.
The narration was fluid and pretty accessible, since this read was ideated as a way to introduce OCD to those who’ve never come across it in their lives.

Josh is a vulnerable kid, troubled by things he cannot understand yet and that makes him question how much different he must appear to his peers. I enjoyed reading the story in Joshua’s perspective, it made it easier to understand for someone who doesn’t really have a clear idea of what OCD feels like.
Mage on the other hand must’ve been my favourite character: her never-ending cheerfulness made the entire scene brighter. Even Josh started opening up with her.

I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a better idea of what a person who’s diagnosed with OCD has to go through every single day.
This was eye-opening, especially since these days there’s either so much stigma around mental illnesses or they get to be romanticised and carelessly belittled.
I look forward to read more books from this author, because the style, although simple, still conveyed an important message without resulting too overwhelming.

I think the poem formatting threw me off on this book because it made me feel like there isn't much of a story to it. But I did like this book and how it explained OCD. I have never been around anyone (that I know of) that has OCD and this book explains very well what they go through. I like that the main character Josh is able to make a friend who likes him for who he is and that his dad is willing to understand him better instead of dismissing the whole thing.

Josh is a drummer, is good at maths and loves The Beatles. He also needs to count the cracks in the ceiling and perform specific rituals exactly the right way or something really bad will happen. Josh has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that is why I needed to read this book.

I have a family member with OCD and I was the one that unofficially diagnosed them several years before someone qualified to do so concurred. Besides living with it I’ve spent countless hours researching OCD to try to get into this person’s head, to understand why the light switch has to be turned on and off so many times and why they’ve had a catalogue of obsessions and rituals, some constant and others morphing, over the years.

When I discovered this was a hi-lo book I was initially disappointed as my first hi-lo experience was a let down. I was pleasant surprised by this book though, finding the explanations of what OCD is and how it affects Josh’s everyday life easy to understand and accurate. I really liked Josh’s psychiatrist, who takes a perplexing condition and explains the basics in a down to earth way.

There are descriptions of Josh’s struggles before and after his diagnosis and I appreciated that his treatment was multifaceted. I did feel that Josh’s acceptance of his condition and how quickly he began to learn to manage it wandered into wishful thinking territory but acknowledge that that may be my experience talking.

I thought the information given to Josh about a family member towards the end of the book was obvious from the beginning but again I concede that my experience may account for my “I already knew that” moment. I loved that the other characters accepted Josh and tried to understand what he was going through and that his diagnosis wasn’t the end of the world, resulting instead in learning to manage it and accepting help from others.

I was interested in the characters’ stories but didn’t become emotionally invested with anyone. However I don’t think it’s fair to automatically expect a lifelong bond with characters you meet during such a short book.

While I would have liked the impact of Josh’s diagnosis on his family to be explored further I understood that the length of the book made a deep dive on the issues raised prohibitive. Similarly the impact of the death of another character’s parent was only lightly touched on. I loved the way that music was woven through the story.

I really liked that this book was told in verse; the way it was written made poetry more accessible than anything I came across in high school. Besides its intended purpose as a hi-lo book I think ‘What If?’ would also be a helpful introduction to OCD for teens who have recently been diagnosed and their family members regardless of their reading level.

Thank you to NetGalley and West 44 Books for the opportunity to read this book. I would give this book 3.5 stars but am rounding up.