The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriages

How 15 Minutes a Day Will Help You Stay in Love

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Pub Date Apr 02 2019 | Archive Date Apr 02 2019
Moody Publishers | Northfield Publishing

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Description

What separates happy marriages from miserable ones?

Surprisingly, it’s not healthy communication. It’s not conflict resolution skills. It’s actually the size of the marriage’s joy gap .

Joy Gap/joi gap/ (n.)-1. The length of time between moments of shared joy

When the joy gap gets bigger, problems are more likely to overwhelm you, resentment creeps in, and you start to feel distant and alone in your marriage. When the joy gap is smaller, you regularly feel connected and happy, problems feel manageable, and your marriage becomes a reliable source of joy. But how do you ensure that you’re experiencing joy regularly?

Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey have studied relationships (and neuroscience) and discovered four habits that keep joy regular and problems small. Some couples do them naturally, but anyone can learn. That’s why each chapter includes 15-minute exercises that boost joy and re-train your brain to make joy your default setting. You’ll learn new skills including how to:

  • return to joy more quickly after disconnection
  • create stronger bonds and elongate times of happiness
  • boost your enjoyment of physical and emotional intimacy


Find out what your marriage looks like after a little work and a whole lot of joy.

What separates happy marriages from miserable ones?

Surprisingly, it’s not healthy communication. It’s not conflict resolution skills. It’s actually the size of the marriage’s joy gap .

Joy Gap/joi...


Available Editions

EDITION Other Format
ISBN 9780802419071
PRICE $12.99 (USD)
PAGES 160

Average rating from 17 members


Featured Reviews

This is a good book for newlyweds or those whose marriages are not yet in serious trouble. It is full of good ideas for staying connected and reading your partners emotional state. It is good to get started on the exercises while your relationship is in a good place as it will enable your to further strengthen it. There are some really good ideas and some real food for thought. It isn't suited to those who are already in serious trouble, and is dependant on both partners being totally open to the process. It should be noted that this book is Christian based and there are lots of religious references which is not stated beforehand. Overall it is a good book and will help many people strengthen their bonds. In a world where the divorce rate is so high this can only be a really good thing. Thank You

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3.5 stars.

I'm a firm believer that it's easier to work on your marriage when it's working than when it's in trouble. It's easier to do things to strengthen a solid base than to patch up one that's teetering. I make a point to read these kinds of books when I am feeling like we are in a good place and feeling a lot of love towards my spouse. This way it doesn't feel like the exercises explained in this book are coming from a place of despair but a place of love and connection.

When I saw the title of this book, it sounded like the exact thing that might be a wonderful addition to my life. I definitely have 15 minutes a day and I love the idea of a joy-filled marriage.

This is a really quick read. I finished it in one sitting. But, of course, most of the value of this book is not in the reading of it but in doing the exercises suggested in the book. Much of the science in the book wasn't new to me and was explained in a way that felt too simplistic (though I can totally understand why the authors would choose that path, this is not a science book.) But I really liked a lot of the suggestions in the book and the perspective they added.

Joy isn't simply a choice you make. Trying to choose joy can feel like trying to fall asleep when you have insomnia. Joy is a feeling you get when you're happy to be with someone who's happy to be with you.


I don't know that I agree with all of that (I think it's possible to experience joy when you're alone, too.) but the idea that joy isn't the choice but the outcome resonated with me and I've been noodling on it since.

Brenda was modeling for me what it looked like to keep the relationship bigger than the problem. Since then, we have tried to make that our "go-to phrase" when we get upset. It is not uncommon for one of us to say, "Let's keep the relationship bigger than the problem."


I really liked this idea. While it's terribly hard to do this in the moment of a major disagreement, this idea is a great one to keep reinforcing and baking into the fabric of our marriage.

I also really liked their clear definitions around the negative emotions you feel so that you can recognize your own emotions. Naming the difference between sad, anxious, despair, shame, anger and disgust can be subtle and difficult at times and it's not possible to address your (or others') feelings unless you can connect with them and tell the difference.

I have learned that there is a big difference between saying "thank you" and feeling appreciation.


This, too, was a poignant sentence for me. Often times, even in a gratitude practice i do alone, it can be easy to list things from the day which isn't always impactful. Whereas, if i sit down and close my eyes and really conjure the feeling of that moment I am listing, I can feel the contentment and joy. Appreciation is about feeling the joy, and sharing the joy.

Many of the exercises in this book are about being together, holding hands, sharing stories about your day, your past, your marriage. The exercises are simple on paper. They encourage connection both physically and emotionally (and psychologically.) and I can totally see how it completely strengthens (and adds joy) to your marriage when you do them regularly.

I will mention that this book has Christian-based religious references which wasn't clear from the blurbs. It's not the core of the book but there are many examples. Had I looked up previous books of the authors, I probably would have been able to guess that. I focused on the examples that resonated with me and the concepts they were highlighting.

Overall, this book is a great way to strengthen your already strong marriage. It's also a wonderful way to start a new marriage.

thanks to netgalley and the publisher for an advanced copy in exchange for an honest review.

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The 4 habits are:
1. Play together
2. Listen for emotion
3. Appreciate daily
4. Nurture a rhythm.

That last one is a bit hard to understand.

Whether you're in a joy-filled marriage or not, this short book can give you ideas that help you.
All relationships require continual improvement and rejuvenation or else they fade away.
This book can help.

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My favorite thing about this book is that it's not written in an overly scientific or wordy way like many other books of the same genre can be. I didn't have to reread paragraphs multiple times in order to break them down and try to understand them. It was very easy to understand, and was a very quick read.

The exercises outlined to help strengthen joy in your marriage are both easily tried at home and very short. You don't have to block out time in your life to implement them.

My husband and I have tried the only a few so far, but we really enjoyed doing them and will continue to try others!

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This book is a great book for those who fear their marriage needs work, those who know their marriage needs work, or for those whose marriage is strong and they want to further strengthen their relationship! So...if you are married...you may need to check out this book!

The Four Habits described in this book include
Habit #1: Play Together
Habit #2: Listen for Emotion
Habit #3: Appreciate Daily
Habit #4 - Nurture a Rhythm

Each chapter offers insight as to why these habits are important, examples of what could happen when these habits are ignored, followed by exercises to increase joy in your marriage.

This book isn't just a relationship building book, but it demonstrates why you need JOY in your marriage because of the brain science directly related to joy.

I highly recommend this book and appreciate the opportunity to receive an Advanced Reader Copy thanks to NetGalley and Northfield Publishing. (and my husband thanks you, too!)

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⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

A good reminder of little things to do to keep your marriage strong.

I voluntarily read an advanced copy.

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4 Habits of Joy-Filled Marriage
by Marcus Warner and Chris Coursey


Have you ever looked at a couple and wondered what makes them so joyful? Well you can have that too, in your relationship. With this book and spending a extra 15 minutes a day doing the exercises that are provided in this book you will be on your way to a more Joy filled marriage.

In this book contains 4 chapters that you read, and each chapter has a exercise that you and your spouse will work on together. The P.L.A.N. is yours to use over and over till you feel the you and your spouse begin to feel the Joy growing in your marriage.

I recommend this to to every married couple. A little more joy never hurt anyone!

I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#Netgalley

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