Breaking Bonds

Some very sound and insightful advice for any woman (abused or not) going through a divorce. I’m sure that readers, like myself, will find some commonalities and comfort in recognizing that they truly are not alone in their heartbreaking experiences.

“You, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

Breaking Bonds is an all-in-one self-help book that is ideal for anyone considering or is in the process of ending an abusive marriage or relationship. Initially, victims of abuse may be in denial about whether their experiences were abusive, whether their experiences were as bad as they felt they were, or whether they provoked their abuser. Abusers are masters at grooming their partners. They remain in control by altering their victim’s reality; they keep them in the fog via gas-lighting, use flying monkeys to shame victims for speaking up, shift the blame by holding their partners to a standard of perfection while never being accountable for their grievances, and isolate their victims from anyone who would support them in ending the relationship. The struggle intensifies if the abuser is a narcissist since their public version is the opposite of who they are at home when no one is watching. A heavy price is paid in private for the pedestal their victim is placed on in the eyes of the public and more importantly because the victim has protected the imagine of the abuser people find it hard to believe they have remained in the relationship if things were as bad as they are saying it was.

“No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.” – Susan B Anthony

This book will help victims identify their abuser’s tactics and validate their experiences. What stood out the most was the author’s spiritual perspective and advice. A common misconception is that victims must remain in abusive marriages to please God. The author not only discredits this theory, “God hates violence more than he hates divorce,” but she expands to discuss the multilayered long-term repercussions of remaining in a toxic environment. For example, the effects of children witnessing the abuse and health issues such as auto-immune disorders heart disease, cancer, and so much more; “anger that remains unexpressed or is dealt with ineffectively will turn inward.” This book walks victims through the process of growing in self-love, something that most likely is nonexistent because of the abuse and incorporating words of affirmation into one’s daily routine. This book is the first step towards awareness. Abuse does not have to be physical to be destructive and many times is downplayed by the victim to cope with the circumstance and is conveniently downplayed by the abuser to convince the victim that they are overemotional and have a false perception of reality. Emotional abuse and verbal attacks compromise one’s well being. I would highly recommend this book because it’s light enough to help victims validate their experiences which is the first step. I would follow this book with many other wonderful eye-opening books that are out there such as, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick, The Body keeps Score by Bessel van derk Kolk, Boundaries by Henry Cloud, Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kregger, One Mom’s Battle (IG & FB), and all the blog posts/books by HG Tudor. The quotes included in each chapter were amazing and I clipped 90% of them.

“The true warrior is not immune to fear. She fights in spite of it.” – Francesca Lia Block
“It is time to honor and protect yourself. You are worthy of being treated with dignity, kindness, and respect. You deserve to be loved, happy, and safe. So, resolve right now to stop letting someone victimize you. Decide that you are no longer going to be a victim.”