Dear White Friend

"With Dear White Friend, Mel Gravely did what a good friend is supposed to do. He shared tough and real issues honestly and from his heart. Mel provoked and challenged me to think differently, and he did so without ever preaching at me. Candidly, I don’t understand or agree with everything he has written. At least not yet. But I am grateful to have read this approachable and engaging book. I plan to share it widely with my friends and colleagues as a catalyst for those important and uncomfortable conversations we need to have to create a more equitable society." —Steve Shifman, President & CEO, Michelman

"Dear White Friend evoked past emotions about my life’s experiences with racism and frustration that Black people continue to fare so poorly in America today. It provided a great blueprint for systematically deconstructing racism and helped me to clarify my thoughts on how to break the exasperating cycle by catalyzing more action." —Woodrow Keown, Jr., President/CEO, The National Underground Railroad Freedom Center

"Because of Mel Gravely’s success, his community leadership, and his cogent writing, he has no need to threaten or cajole. His credibility is clear and his voice commands action. Without diminishing my intentions or my efforts, Mel has caused me to understand a lot more, to question a lot more; and to act in a more purposeful manner." —Pete Strange, Chairman Emeritus, Messer, Inc.

"I turned to my friend Mel Gravely days after George Floyd was killed. I was processing this crisis in real time. Mel brought incredible clarity in his direct yet empathetic way. Dear White Friend is a gift to me and everyone who wants to gain more perspective on the difference in the White and Black experience in our country. Most of all, this book walks us through what we can do together to close the gap between us." —Dave Whorton, CEO and Founder, The Tugboat Group

"Mel Gravely provides a powerful perspective of being, striving and thriving as a Black man in America. He critically evaluates the impact of conscious and unconscious bias on a Black man, a Black family and a Black community; and provides tools for increasing awareness, understanding and a call to action." —Farad Ali, CEO & Advocate for Diversity and Inclusion

"I originally thought Dear White Friend was not for me as an African American. After finishing the book, sometimes with a very visceral reaction I now see how I can have more honest and thoughtful dialogue with my friends and colleagues." —Pamela Coleman-Brailsford, Retired Corporate Executive

"Compellingly optimistic! Dear White Friend fosters awareness, empathy, and a willingness to understand the true meaning of equity. It highlights the barriers that continue to exist, while also offering a foundation for solutions towards becoming a more equitable society! —Deidre K. Stokes Davis, Public K-12 Education Administrator

"There is a saying, 'If you don’t know you don’t know, then you think you know.' This could be the epiphany of virtually every reader of Dear White Friend. Poignant, compelling, unnerving, direct, unsettling, and exceptionally thought provoking. Thank you for opening my mind, my eyes, and yes, my heart." —Bobby Fisher, Entrepreneur & Investor

"Dear White Friend took me inside the painful observations and reality of racism experienced by my long-time community partner and friend. It hurt. It made me look in the mirror more deeply. It motivates me to further leverage my enormous privilege and platform as an ally and advocate." —Michael Fisher, Healthcare CEO & Civic Leader

"For me, the significance of Dear White Friend was largely in experiencing the Black journey in the US, through the author’s eyes. I was transported to a place that doesn’t exist in the white experience. I felt a range of emotions ultimately prompting me to truly care about accomplishing equity." —Joan Fox, Business Owner & Management Consultant

"Dear White Friend is part diary, part self-help, part societal rebuke and part vision for a better future. I seldom read a book that is both thought provoking and practical. It challenged me to challenge my friends and colleagues—and provided me with a roadmap to do it." —Crystal German, Community Economic Development Practitioner

"Dear White Friend offers a poignant and powerful perspective and is an insightful and thought-provoking read for those seeking to understand the realities of race in our nation and the path forward." —Renee Mahaffey Harris, CEO/President Healthcare Non-Profit

"Dear White Friend provides a candid and uncomplicated view of the Black experience in America by exploring the intersection of race and inequity. I connected profoundly with the letters—seeing myself in each one. I hope this book motivates people to accept the hard truths and act with greater intention." —Kristal Howard, corporate executive, and culture changer

"I believe we cannot grow in meaningful ways if we are not challenged. Dear White Friend challenged me to step into someone else’s shoes and understand a different perspective. In the quiet of reading, I could listen and be present to the stirrings of my own discomfort. I am better for it." —Ellen M. Katz, President/CEO, Community Foundation

"I realized I’m comfortable with Dr. Mel Gravely because he’s brilliant; not because of his race. Because I should know better, I’m persuaded to acknowledge my role in systemic racism. I loved the term “Actions of Intentionality”—acting on deliberate intentions. I can do this." —Janette A. Keiser, PE, JD, Small Business Owner

"Dear White Friend is a highly biographical and statistically supported work. Mel draws upon writing techniques derivative of the Disciple Paul, Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa and Harriet Jacobs’s Incidents in the Life of a Slave Girl to challenge us to move toward a more intimate relationship that acknowledges the curious burden race places upon our American society and friendships." —Eric Kearney, Attorney & Business Owner

"Dear White Friend gives me hope! The evidence compiled in these pages, methodically and objectively, is heartbreaking, infuriating, and embarrassing. But the author’s honesty and experience, and his call for self-education and action, affirm the importance of friendship in righting historic, horrific wrongs. We can—indeed, we must—do this!" —Alecia Townsend Kintner, Arts Council CEO

"Dear White Friend hits on the complexities of race and distilling uncomfortable topics through the art of storytelling so that anyone can understand. The stories are a cry for truth and veracity around racial problem-solving—for those who bear the burden of code-switching; and, for those who may be complicit in structures that reinforce racial inequity." —Eddie L. Koen, Non-Profit CEO

"Confronting racism is complex and hard. This book demonstrates why we—regardless of race—need to do it anyway and make the conversations mean something by actually taking action. I can’t wait to use it as a tool to help create workplace equity." —Arlene Koth, Activist, Business Owner & Civic Leader

"In my roles as a physician, higher ed administrator, and social entrepreneur, I have often struggled to articulate my lived experience as a black man. Dear White Friend expertly captures the angst in my journey in a way that others can understand and is an essential read for anyone interested in unity and empowerment." —Chris Lewis, MD, Physician, Higher Education Administrator & Social Entrepreneur

"Mel Gravely rips off the bandage to take an honest look at the festering wound that ongoing racism continues to cause. It opened my eyes to the injustice that abounds. At the same time, the letters invite more exploration, more listening, more understanding and more dialogue." —Richard Lofgren, MD, Healthcare System President & CEO

"Dear White Friend is illuminating, heartfelt, humorous, and honest. It provides an “on ramp”’ for discussions on the road to equity, inclusion and race relations—regardless of your ethnicity." —Brian Matthews, Higher Education Professional/Advisor

"As a WFOM (White Friend of Mel) for nearly two decades, I was captivated by Mel’s remarkably frank, crystal-clear, and compelling personal journey; by the solid case he makes to illuminate the contours of racial equity; and by a range of practical and controversial ideas to close the racial gap." —Kathy Merchant, Retired CEO, Community Foundation

"The systemic realities of living in a racialized society were all too familiar. Even so, the letters in Dear White Friend moved me from disorientation caused by looking too long at problems too pervasive to remediate to creating a list of actionable strategies for use within my circle of influence." —Debra Spotts Merchant, JD, University Administrator

"Every White person who wants to be part of the solution will devour this book. Its matter-of-fact and conversational approach paints the lived reality of Black Americans through the experience of a friend who won’t let you debate the undebatable any more or ignore your responsibility to change that which benefits you." —Jill P. Meyer, President/CEO of Regional Chamber of Commerce

"Now we know! It is not enough to respond to incidents of racism with public relations efforts like commercials and high-profile pledges of financial support. We have to care. Now we know that we all must make a difference in this world—and Dear White Friend will help with that." —Rohena Miller, CEO, Marketing & Public Relations Firm

"Mel Gravely has given his White friends and his Black friends a brilliant road map on how we can all pursue unencumbered happiness and prosperity together. He also vividly shows us how crazy it is to waste our energy, talent and human spirit on systemic racism, which leads us nowhere. This is a true expression of friendship and a fine example of how we can make our American dream a reality." —Ed Rigaud, Black Friend, Corporate VP, Entrepreneur, Business Owner, Family Man & Survivor of Jim Crow and the Segregated South

"This collection of letters, each contributing a nugget on race, is a relatable way to engage in a provocative topic. The backdrop of the stories provides the context that permits a deeper understanding of what your neighbor, friend, colleague, or loved one might be experiencing. It prompts self-reflection from whatever side of this issue you sit.” —Sean Rugless, Business Owner and Civic Leader

"Dear White Friend is straight to the point. This book magnified my awareness and made me more determined to meet people where they are; with respect to where they have been. What we want are candid, in-depth and informed conversations leading to more intentional actions." —Cheryl Smith, Public Sector, Advocate

"With candor and caring—underscored by research and insights—Mel Gravely offers White leaders an entry point to more honest and productive conversations about race. The 19 thoughtful letters in Dear White Friend chart a course to real racial equity for anyone willing to listen and more important, act." —Mary Stagaman, Inclusion Consultant and Civic Leader

"Dear White Friend caused me to think differently about the issues of race and equity. I felt pain, shock, and personal frustration. Mel has identified the core issues we need to address." —Tim Steigerwald, Employee-owned Company CEO

"Dear White Friend, your transparency energized me. Straight no chaser. No blame or judgement, a heartfelt dialogue between friends, one Black and one White that stretches beyond the edges of polite race conversation." —Alicia B. Townsend, Corporate Executive & Civic Leader

"Mel Gravely takes a unique, innovative, and informative approach to a longstanding issue in America. His powerful analysis of race relations and relationships encourages you to keep reading to find out how he will move you to act." —Stanford T Williams Jr., Business Executive

National trade marketing and sales campaign

Advance distribution of Digital ARC via NetGalley to reviewers, bloggers, journalists, librarians, booksellers, and media

Online marketing campaign including targeted advertising