The Book of Boundaries

Set the Limits That Will Set You Free

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Pub Date 11 Oct 2022 | Archive Date 28 Feb 2023

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End resentment, burnout, and anxiety—and reclaim your time, energy, health, and relationships. As the co-founder of the Whole30, Melissa Urban helped millions of people transform their relationship with food. Now, in this powerful and practical guide to setting boundaries, she shows you how to prioritize your needs and revolutionize your relationships.

Do your relationships often feel one-sided or unbalanced? Are you always giving in just so things will go smoothly? Do you wish you could learn to say no—but, like, nicely? Are you depleted, overwhelmed, and tired of putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need to establish some boundaries.

Since launching the mega-bestselling wellness program the Whole30, Melissa Urban has taught millions of people how to establish healthy habits and successfully navigate pushback and peer pressure. She knows firsthand that boundaries—clear limits you set to protect your energy, time, and health—are the key to feelings of security, confidence, and freedom in every area of your life.

Now, in The Book of Boundaries, she shows you how boundaries are the key to better mental health, increased energy, improved productivity, and more fulfilling relationships.

In her famously direct and compassionate style, Urban offers:

• 130+ scripts with language you can use to instantly establish boundaries with bosses and co-workers, romantic partners, parents and in-laws, co-parents, friends, family, neighbors, strangers—and yourself
• actionable advice to help you communicate your needs with clarity and compassion
• tips for successfully navigating boundary guilt, pushback, pressure, and oversteps
• techniques to create healthy habits around food, drink, technology, and more

User-friendly and approachable, The Book of Boundaries will give you the tools you need to stop justifying, minimizing, and apologizing, leading you to more rewarding relationships and a life that feels bigger, healthier, and freer.
End resentment, burnout, and anxiety—and reclaim your time, energy, health, and relationships. As the co-founder of the Whole30, Melissa Urban helped millions of people transform their relationship...

Advance Praise

“I always tell my therapy patients that boundaries create trust, comfort, and safety in a relationship, but many people struggle with how to effectively communicate what they need. In The Book of Boundaries, Melissa Urban helps you identify your boundary needs, offers actionable scripts on what to say, and shares proven tips based on a decade of experience helping people live more freely by holding their limits with confidence.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk To Someone

The Book of Boundaries is funny, direct, and smart, bringing you actionable tools and science-backed strategies for setting boundaries using language that feels kind, natural, and empowering. Melissa’s straightforward scripts and practical tips makes it easy to identify your limits and communicate them with confidence, so you can start putting yourself first and create a life that feels bigger, freer, and more authentically YOU.”—Mel Robbins, New York Times bestselling author of The 5 Second Rule

“Setting healthy boundaries is good for your relationships, your business, and your finances. The Book of Boundaries shows you how to stand up for yourself, say no, and communicate your needs in a way that leaves you feeling confident and empowered. Through her stories, personal experiences, and research, Melissa Urban gives you the tools, affirmations, and language you need to reclaim your time, energy, and health.”—Tiffany Aliche, New York Times bestselling author of Get Good with Money

“Melissa Urban has written the playbook for creating connection, protecting our peace, and expanding our lives. At once insightful, personal, funny, and direct, The Book of Boundaries should be required reading for anyone who has relationships with other humans.”—Ellen Vora, MD, psychiatrist and bestselling author of The Anatomy of Anxiety

“I always tell my therapy patients that boundaries create trust, comfort, and safety in a relationship, but many people struggle with how to effectively communicate what they need. In The Book of...

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ISBN 9780593448700
PRICE $28.00 (USD)

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Featured Reviews

Wow, so relatable and needed in my life! I love how easy this was to read and the author writes in a way that is understandable and makes the content something you can integrate into your daily life. I’m looking forward to implementing more boundaries in my life and taking what I’ve learned from this book and putting it into practice in my daily life. Thank you NetGalley!

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Do you get sucked into one-sided relationships where you are constantly giving-in just so the other person won't be angry? Are you tired of putting everyone else's needs and feelings above your own?

This book will change your life..

Melissa Urban outlines with clear language and a ton of engaging examples how to establish boundaries in your relationships with friends, strangers, neighbors, work colleagues and family. For any given situation, she gives three sample responses that she labels green, amber and red. A green response is an initial/friendly suggestion of how to convey your needs in the face of someone taking advantage. The amber, as you would expect, is a slightly firmer approach when the green didn't work and the bad behavior continues. The red is firmer yet -- essentially code-red.

The book is a highly readable compilation of relationship dilemmas but it's also the kind of book you'll keep in your bottom drawer for quick reference to help you out of the next sticky situation.

Highly recommended.


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This is a must-have resource to help one improve mental health, resiliency, and live a more full and happy life. It is full of great strategies, advice, and easy to implement ideas. This is one I'll return to again and again. Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the advanced copy of the book.

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I have read so much on boundaries- from blogs, to newsletters, chapters in books and even articles in professional journals. The way Melissa lays out the book sections for specific boundary challenges makes this book easy to read through then return to when something comes up in real life and you need a quick review. The Green, yellow, red scripts are great to practice and have “on deck” to use. This book flows more like a conversation with friend, and is very accessible- which to me makes it priceless! I plan on sharing this book with clients, coworkers, family and friends!

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I first came to understand what boundaries were in late 2014 after the birth of my son and I was navigating a lot of changes and took a deep-dive into some parenting forums where boundaries were talked about A LOT. I learned a lot and even tried to read the most prominent titles on boundaries but they were a little dry and too religious for me. Melissa's IG Stories over the last several years have been excellent and I've appreciated her Green, Yellow, Red approach. Her book is not exception and this is an excellent way to approach boundaries from a non-religious standpoint and a much more thought out and real-world scenario standpoint. There is something for everyone in here and scripts for just about anything that can be adapted for anyone. And it's a good refresher when you have boundaries put on yourself, to stand back and take some personal reflection. Great for anyone and to revisit when you need to remember how to set or accept boundaries!

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This is a great book for those looking to strengthen their boundaries. It is easy to understand and the examples are really helpful.

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The Book of Boundaries is an excellent resource perfect for anyone who struggles to put themself first. This is the book that will help you keep from giving in just to avoid conflict. You will learn how to say no and not feel bad about it. You will start to prioritize yourself. Boundaries are a necessity to any healthy relationship, as well as one's mental well-being. This book will provide tips, techniques, and advice on how to establish these boundaries. There are scripts provided for doing so. Highly recommended!

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The Book of Boundaries is a great resource for anyone trying to manage their life better. I liked the straight-forward approach of green, yellow, and red scripts of what to say. I enjoyed this book and see myself referencing it in the future.

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This is a great book for those struggling to understand why they don't have good boundaries and shows how the author established and keeps her own boundaries in all areas of life.

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