How Successful Couples Turn Conflict Into Connection
by Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD; John Gottman, PhD
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Pub Date 30 Jan 2024 | Archive Date 30 Apr 2024
Rodale Inc., Harmony
Conflict is the top reason couples seek help—but it's also an opportunity for greater intimacy, deeper connection, and lasting love according to this essential guide from the world’s leading relationship scientists and authors of The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work and Eight Dates.
“An indispensable resource that couples will use over and over again.”—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone
How we fight predicts the future of our relationships. Most of us blunder into conflict without knowing what we are really fighting about and then quickly become overwhelmed by physiological responses we can’t control and emotions we don’t anticipate. The truth is the happiest and most successful couples fight—all the time. Conflict is human, and necessary.
Through decades of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman, founders of the world-famous Love Lab, have identified the five common mistakes we make when we are at odds. In Fight Right, we learn the five secrets that help us to get back on track and harness conflict to build stronger, healthier relationships. With kindness, clarity, and a deep understanding of the struggles couples are going through, the Gottmans show us that we each have a unique conflict culture, borne of how we were raised and how we experienced past relationships, and they take us through all the possible combinations, from Avoiders, to Validators, to Volatiles, and how they can best work together.
Fight Right is an essential resource that will help couples escape the win-or-lose mentality in favor of a collaborative approach: calming down, staying connected, and really understanding, so that our fights can bring us closer.
Available on NetGalley
Average rating from 13 members
Practical, user-friendly advice on building and maintaining stronger relationships by approaching (inevitable) conflict in a healthier way.
I would recommend this to anyone in a relationship looking to better connect and communicate with their partner. The anecdotes are varied and will likely resonate with readers regarding the examples of arguments. It was illuminating to read about the different conflict styles people tend to have and how this shapes the way they argue (and how you can change/channel this into a more positive approach with some effort and care). Some of the recommendations, I think, have broader application to non-romantic relationships as they relate to connection and communication.
Thank you to Rodale and NetGalley for the opportunity to read a copy.
I received a free e-arc of this book through Netgalley.
I have to say that I was predisposed favorably toward the Gottmans as I have followed their books/research for more than 20 years. I really think they have a good handle on relationships and I recommend them a lot.
This book has lots of solid, detailed information and steps on how to fight better because fights are going to happen in any long-term relationship no matter how good it is.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this ARC!
The Gottmans are my go-to for relationship and interpersonal advice and I’m excited to have this new reference and guide for conflict on my bookshelf.
Exciting stuff! This book is a really helpful summary of how to navigate relationship conflict better. Happy to have the Gottmans on The Happiness Lab podcast.
More valuable to those who are in fairly new relationships than for those who, like me, have been married since forever, There are interesting anecdotes but mostly there's useful advice. Thanks to Netgalley for the ARC. Well written self help.
"Fight Right" by Julie Schwartz Gottman and John Gottman, authors of the bestselling "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" and "Eight Dates," unveils the secrets to transforming conflicts into opportunities for deeper connection and lasting love. As conflict remains a prevalent reason couples seek help, this indispensable guide, hailed by bestselling author Lori Gottlieb, emphasizes the importance of understanding how we fight in shaping the future of our relationships. Drawing from decades of research at the renowned Love Lab, the Gottmans identify the five common mistakes that often derail couples in conflict. This book serves as a practical resource, offering insights into unique conflict cultures shaped by upbringing and past relationships, guiding readers through collaborative approaches that prioritize understanding over winning. "Fight Right" is a crucial tool for couples seeking to navigate conflicts with kindness, clarity, and the goal of building stronger, healthier relationships. I highly recommend!