I Was Here

A novel of those left behind when someone commits suicide, this is set after a college-aged Meg takes her own life. I Was Here follows her best-friend Cody's journey of accepting what has happened. Trapped between her responsibilities to Meg's family and her own methods of coping, we see her innermost thoughts - as cruel and terrible as they sometimes are, and feel her devastation and frustration at the world around her, and the people she interacts with.

Cody doesn't come from a well-off family. Her mother is hardly present in her life and she has never met her father, let alone spoken to him. There's not much money around, and so after high school, instead of moving away for college, Cody had to work instead (cleaning the homes of other people) and trying to scrape together enough to join Meg where she's gone to college on a scholarship. But friendships are hard to keep hold of during distance, leaving Cody even more guilty after Meg's death. She had no idea Meg could even conceive of doing such a thing, and struggles to understand how could she not have any clue her best friend was in such a bad place. She feels responsible, and so takes on the request of Meg's parents to go up to Meg's college boarding room to pack up her things. There she meets people who knew Meg at the last stage of her life, and there she also meets a certain male with incredibly vivid eyes that she remembers mention of in one of Meg's emails - Tragic Guitar Hero, named that for the way he moves - the guitarist that all females go crazy for, and starts to wonder whether he may have something to do with it all. Could he have broken Meg's heart? How could he be cruel to Meg, someone who the sun shines for, someone Cody can't speak highly enough of - the thought is just unfathomable.

Also, left behind in Meg's room is a laptop, and Cody's unhealthy desire to determine why Meg would take her own life entices her to look through Meg's files and emails... and step by step, armed with one of Meg's housemates who is extraordinarily good with computers, she starts to piece together what led up to the sad event. And it pulls her down deeper and deeper until she's almost too far gone to be able to claw her own way out.

What this novel does fantastically well is present people in a very well-rounded manner. There's a character called Tree who's simply a bitch, but the novel goes on to show all aspects of her self, and we feel her as a real person by the end of it - sure, she's a bitch, but there's more to her than that. She has reasons to act as she does, and she's not simply a plot device to add angst.

We see an all-sorted mix of families and the children these families have created through the years of being trapped together - some children are raised in loving households, and some aren't so lucky, leaving them bitter and bruised with a nasty streak.

We see the rougher walks of life, where there's dumpster diving just to eat, and the types of jobs one must take even if they come with sexual harassment - and there's little support out there to make it go away, or for there to be consequences.

I devoured this novel in a few hours, and it was such a high barrage of emotion. This is a tale that features people of cover - slightly disappointing they don't seem to be accurately represented on the cover - and also deals with suicide in a matter-of-fact type of way. This is a novel that will stay on my mind for months to come.

This was not an enjoyable book, it was starkly sad, heavy and at times extremely dark. That being said it was also compelling, well written, moving, worthwhile and ultimately hopeful. The book follows the story of Cody who is trying to pick up the pieces after the suicide of her best friend Meg, a life-altering event that she cannot begin to make sense of. The only thing she can do in the wake of this tragic and unforeseen event is try and look for answers which leads her on a journey across the country and ends up being this enormous, dangerous, multi-faceted thing all while Cody is coming to terms with her grief and guilt over Meg's death. Gayle Forman is a deft writer and a brilliant voice in the Young Adult genre. Her characters are real and raw and there is a lot of personal growth and development throughout which is something I love to read. Cody was a great character - she was brave and dedicated, strong yet vulnerable, hardworking and intelligent. She was such an interesting person to read about and I loved her interactions with Ben and the others. I also liked the slowly changing dynamic in the relationship with her mother and the end of the novel felt very cathartic. This is a must read for fan's of Gayle Forman but fan's of Lauren Oliver, Rainbow Rowell or even John Green will find plenty to like here.

Thanks to Simon & Schuster/Netgalley for the proof.

Once again, Gayle Forman has created yet another heartfelt and emotional contemporary that readers can immerse themselves in. Cody is a small town girl who has just lost her one and only friend. Since Meg moved away to collage, the distance between the two friends has becoming increasingly obvious, until Meg takes her own life and in her grief stricken guilt, Cody needs to know why. Her grief is palpable, her guilt heartbreaking and with the discovery of an encrypted file on Meg's computer, Cody is about to discover why Meg ended it all.

Her search leads to the charismatic Ben, a one night stand that may have ended Meg's life. But it seems Ben is just as touched by grief as Cody, and together they form a tentative partnership to uncover Meg's last steps and finding solace in the process. Although I couldn't personally connect to either Cody or Ben, their romance seemed genuine despite the circumstances in which they've united. Meg's computer is the center of the storyline, holding her secrets and thoughts. The storyline also touches on not only suicide, the grief of those left behind but also the moral dilemma between shared grief and what may be the beginning of a romantic relationship. Personally, after losing someone that is seemingly the center of your world and that person also shared an intimate connection with your prospective love interest? No. Just no. But in the interest of a fictional storyline, it wavered between fascinating and touching.

I adore the dramatics of Gayle Forman's simplistic, yet beautiful style of writing that draws you into the pages. Her heartbreaking storylines always offer hope, and she never fails to mend your heart with her bittersweet conclusions. She's one of my favourite young adult contemporary authors, and I Was Here has only cemented my love for her written words.

Title: I Was Here Author: Gayle Forman Series: Standalone Publisher: Simon & Shuster Format: eArc Source: NetGalley Genre: Young Adult Contemporary Goodreads

Plot: ★★★★
This was definitely an emotional book and may contain triggers for depression and suicidal thoughts, so be aware that this book is quite dark in this sense. I Was Here follows the main character Cody, as she grieves for her best friend who committed suicide. She blames herself as they had grown apart and her best friend never confided in her about her suicidal thoughts. As she looks into Meg’s death more and more, something suspicious causes her to delve deeper into Meg’s recent life in Seattle and the people she met there in order to come to terms with why her best friend died. At first, the story took a while to grip me, as I felt like nothing was really happening in the first third of the book until she finds something that makes her questions Meg’s death. The mystery aspect was definitely something I didn’t expect from this book and it was so intense right up until the very end! I loved this aspect of the book! There was one thing that I wanted more from in this book, and that’s definitely the cats. Before she died, Meg adopted two kittens and being the animal lover I am, I wanted more of the cats! I feel like there’s definitely a loose end in the plot in regards to them.

Characters: ★★★★.5 At first I didn’t like the main character because she didn’t appear to be grieving like you would imagine someone who just lost their best friend, but instead she’s really angry and angsty which I didn’t really understand. Then you get to know her more and more and then I understood why she was acting this way and that she is a really flawed and realistic character when you really think about it. She wasn’t necessarily nice or happy or ‘ordinary’, she was a really angry person who had kept her anger in for so long. I liked how all of the characters were flawed in different ways and how each character had a real story to them.

Writing: ★★★★.5 The writing was beautiful and it flowed really well. I honestly think the only thing I had a problem with was how slowly the start was written. The writing definitely didn’t hook me in until about a third of the way through.

Romance/Feels: ★★★★
The romance was a bit strange for me. I didn’t really understand it and I didn’t really feel the attraction there. I felt like the romance just happened because the book needed a romance. I don’t really know how to explain it but it just felt a bit forced. In terms of other feelings, there were definitely some of those too. I really liked how one of the main themes of the book is that sometimes you don’t know when someone has depression. Sometimes you can completely overlook it and not realise what some people are going through and I think that’s so true.

Ending: ★★★★
There’s one loose end which I really wanted to know more about, but other than that, the ending was satisfying with just the right amount of feels. BUT ALL I WANT TO KNOW IS WHAT HAPPENED TO THE CATS.

Overall Enjoyment: ★★★★
Definitely an eye-opening book that gives insight into mental illnesses and I definitely enjoyed it!

Rereadability: Maybe!

Final Rating: 4.17 stars to be exact!

This review will appear on the link below approx 27th January

As eighteen year old Cody Reynolds prepared for yet another memorial service for her best friend Meg Garcia, she dazedly wondered why – why Meg had committed suicide; why she, Cody, her best friend forever, hadn’t seen any signs of unhappiness in Meg; why Cody was now on her own; why the services continued…

When Meg’s parents asked Cody to go to the university Meg had attended to pack up her belongings, she immediately agreed to do it; she knew Sue and Joe would be unable to and also knew they had done so much for her over the years; they were more family to her than her own mother, Tricia. So of course she agreed to do it – she just didn’t know how she would manage. But the meeting with Meg’s room-mates - those people who had been the last to see Meg – would prove to be a turning point in her own life.

The discoveries Cody made on Meg’s computer sent shivers through her – what had she been involved with? Did Cody even know her best friend? The people she met; the people who had known Meg; they were so different. As Cody’s investigation into Meg’s life deepened, Cody found herself in danger; but was it a welcome danger? Would Cody find an understanding of Meg; of herself?

This is my first by author Gayle Foreman, and I am impressed by her writing. Her sensitivity regarding the issues of suicide in our youth; the devastation of those who are left behind. A well told and enjoyable novel; I Was Here is one I have no hesitation in recommending.

With thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for my copy to read and review.

I Was Here, for me, has been Gayle Forman's best novel by far. While her other novels, of course, are nothing to dismiss, I feel like I Was Here had that little something extra- that igniting spark- to really take the story to the next level.

I really appreciated how the love interest and the romance didn't just come in and "fix" everything for Cody. I feel like that happens too often in this sort of novel- the romance dominates the book and everything else, including the protagonist's character development, becomes secondary. In I Was Here, the romance takes a back seat, with Cody struggling to accept what has happened to her best friend as the main driving force of the plot.

There were some surprising mysteries threading things together, and as we discover more and more secrets about Meg's life, the tone shifts to become unexpectedly darker. As she digs deeper into what Meg has been hiding from her, Cody begins to question what she truly knew about her best friend, all the while trying to deal with her grief.

If you'd like to read a book which handles many contemporary issues, including suicide and bereavement, in a poignant and realistic way, this book is certainly one to look out for.

Ratings Overall: 9/10 Plot: 4.5/5 Romance: 4.5/5 Writing: 5/5 Characters: 5/5 Cover: 3/5

Five stars to this heartbreakingly beautiful story. Right from page one you're hooked into this story.