First, Kill All the Marriage Counselors

How One Book Changed My Whole Life It's not very often when we can say that a book has truly changed our lives. A few weeks before I found this book, I thought my marriage was ending. I felt what so many women have felt before. We weren't connecting, I was feeling unappreciated and I was hurting. I thought the end was near, how can you stay in a marriage where you're suffering, and the life you want or the life you imagined with someone isn't what you have. Why should we sacrifice our happiness because of a decision we made years before?

My husband is in the military, I don't get to see him much. At the time we had a one year old and a two year old. Most days were a struggle for me, being a stay at home mom. We struggled a lot trying to cope with the difficult schedule that the Navy had my husband on, as well as taking care of babies. It seemed like our marriage was always the last thing that we bothered to make time for. Looking back now, that wasn't true. It wasn't my marriage I needed to make the time for, it was myself.

When this book became available to me, I was desperate. I felt lost, alone, and hurt. I read it over quickly and implemented as I went. Then I read it again, for good measure. I took a lot time to let those lessons sink in, and really change my life. The first thing I tried was self care. Replenish your spirit with self care. The author recommends making a list of twenty things that make you happy, then doing at least three of those things every day. This is the greatest gift I have ever given myself. I began planning in an Erin Condren Life Planner I purchased for myself, doodling, hand lettering, eating chocolate, having lunch every day, and letting my husband parent the kids while I go to Target by myself because I want to. At first, I wasn't sure how it could help, putting more on his plate, so I could selfishly go look at $1 stationery, and imagine what fun things I could do with them. But my happiness carried over to my husband and my children quickly. I didn't sit there counting down the seconds to have an extra pair of hands to help me deal with my children anymore. I wasn't running on an empty tank, I was enjoying my children and they were enjoying me. It was refreshing. My happiness was responsible for saving our marriage. I implemented the first chapter into my life, and this is how I felt. I couldn't wait to start working on the rest of it. There is another five steps that the author encouraged me to take to rescue my failing marriage. I watched my husband change in front of me, without asking anything of him at all. I could see the steps I was taking making a lasting effect. Some of these steps I found silly, and others I found to not be possible, but I was encouraged every step of the way. This book is full to the brim with examples I hadn't thought of, and ways I was unknowingly guilty of some things I didn't realize was making my husband react to me the way he was. I was shocked when I changed a few small things about my behavior and it actually worked. 

I would rate this book a 9/10. It has so much great that it's hard to understand the negative feedback I've seen. When recommending this book to others (read as, recommending this book to everyone I speak to for several months)  there has been a small amount of backlash, specifically on the internet, when people can say whatever they want behind a screen. There are people who think this author wants you to surrender your entire self into your marriage, and no longer have thoughts or opinions, and become a puppet of your husband's control. I didn't get that impression upon reading this book, nor would I recommend that line of thinking to anyone. I think it's important to speak your mind and I am not a person who will give in to every whim of anyone, or back down just because someone doesn't agree with me. I have not read any of Laura Doyle's other books, so I can't speak to them, but I know that this book is absolutely not a "lay-down-all-the-work-we-have-done-as-women-to-get-where-we-are-today-for-your-husband" book. 

All of that being said, if you're reading this, and thinking you need a pick me up in your marriage, give this book a read. If you feel like your husband isn't the man you married anymore, pick up this book.