I am not someone who reads a ton of nonfiction, but I really enjoy church books and end up reading a few each year. This one (as you can tell from the title) is about how to make your church have a friendlier and more welcoming atmosphere.

I found this book absolutely fascinating! It was interesting to me to find out how many churches consider themselves friendly but are actually not friendly at all. There were several examples that the author gave of real life situations where a church was very unfriendly or exclusionary. As the author points out, even saying something like “is this your first time here?” is not friendly, since you are basically saying you didn’t notice the person until now.

There was a lot to unpack in this book even though it is less than 200 pages. I found it very eye opening and I am definitely going to implement some elements of it in my home church.

This book is so timely! This is a very practical book that talks about a crisis in modern congregations: unintentional unfriendliness. The author argues that while most church members confidently claim their churches are friendly, guests frequently experience the exact opposite. This is actively contributing to the steep decline in modern church attendance.

To help churches move from simply tolerating visitors to actively embracing them, the book identifies five common problems hindering genuine community: insularity, apathy, busyness, comforts, and prejudices. Kim insightfully breaks down how these issues manifest in the pews. For example, insularity creates economic, generational, and ethnic cliques, as well as alienating "insider speech" that leaves visitors feeling like outsiders. He also tackles uncomfortable truths, noting that Christians often allow the hurried pursuit of the "American Dream," personal comforts, and implicit biases to excuse a lack of warmth toward marginalized groups, including the poor, the disabled, the elderly, and ethnic minorities.

As a remedy, Kim pairs each problem with a corresponding biblical practice: communication, gratitude, intentionality, hospitality, and celebration. The book offers actionable steps to build a more welcoming culture. These include replacing close-minded certainty with curious "learning conversations," learning how to pronounce difficult names, ensuring physical accessibility for the disabled, and creating specific budgetary margins for hospitality. He emphasizes that true friendliness requires slowing down, setting aside the "Extrovert Ideal" to realize all personality types can welcome others, and celebrating diversity rather than claiming to be unhelpfully "colorblind".

Overall, this book is deliberately written not to shame or scold, but rather to serve as an encouraging reminder of the church. It is an essential, highly practical read for pastors, church leaders, and everyday Christians who want to transform their local church into a place where every guest can find deep fellowship and a genuine sense of belonging.

There are likely many Christians who have encountered an unfriendly church, so it doesn't require much imagination to recount those experiences. Disheartening interactions can impact where Christians worship and attend, potentially having longer-term ramifications if churches continue in this unhealthy pattern of being unfriendly toward newcomers. Thankfully, in Becoming a Friendlier Church, the author outlines five problematic areas of concern and five practices that can counter these behaviours in a guide that covers potential blind spots for congregants and church leadership to take note of. More than a manual of mere steps to take, it's a book that emphasizes God's concern for people over programs.

In covering a lot of ground in a shorter and more accessible volume, this book is ideal for sharing with anyone involved in guest ministries. There is room for plenty of discussions on each topic, with questions and prayer points acting as a springboard for deeper reflection and change. I love the points about the intersection between culture and belonging, emphasizing that all church attendees can improve their level of friendliness without having to rely on church structures or systems to facilitate this practice. Readers with a heart to extend God's heart toward others in a church setting in simple yet practical ways will appreciate the various points of consideration that Matthew D. Kim raises in this helpful resource.