Be authentic. Be grateful. Be driven. Be present. No one mentions that half of these instructions cancel out the other half.

This is not a book that promises to change your life. Those books were already on the shelf when you found this one. They’ll still be there when you’re done with mine.

The Honest Gaze is about five contradictions that run through every adult life—and that nobody resolves completely, not even the people who write manuals promising to:

Seeing yourself clearly can cost you the ability to act.

Being yourself can cost you a relationship.

Wanting something large can cost you the life you already have.

Getting very good at one thing costs you everything else you wanted to be good at.

Helping others can be the most sophisticated way of avoiding yourself.

This book does not resolve them. It sets each contradiction against research you can check for yourself, and against a life shaped by thirty years of martial arts and two decades in rooms where consequential decisions were made—and sometimes unmade.

No action lists. No six tips. Three questions, and time.

A short book, on purpose. One evening to read. Forty-eight hours to act on. What happens after that is the actual content.