Kiko Himura has never been able to say exactly what she’s thinking, especially when it comes to her mother. A mother who isn’t there for her emotionally, a mother who makes her feel like a burden, and a mother who doesn’t understand her half-Japanese heritage. Kiko dreams of getting into Prism, her dream art school, which also helps her get away from her mother. But Kiko doesn’t get into Prism and she never had a backup plan. So when an old childhood friend gives her a place to stay on the West Coast so she can tour some art schools, she jumps at the chance. Kiko meets some new people, learns about her culture and heritage, and discovers a new self-confidence.

Trigger warning for parental abuse, emotional abuse, suicide attempt, sexual abuse, and racism, anxiety.

Starfish had a lot of good elements but also had some elements I didn’t really like/enjoy. One of the positives I will say is that the anxiety representation was pretty spot on. I haven’t read many books that capture what it is like to truly live with anxiety aside from 10 Things I Can See From Here by Carrie Mac. However, I really didn’t like how some people treated Kiko and her anxiety. Jamie, for example, who was supposed to this ‘perfect guy’ who treats Kiko well, who is selfless and the opposite of her mother, got extremely frustrated with Kiko and her anxiety. He did improve and learn but I still didn’t like it.

Starfish is an own voices book regarding the anxiety and regarding the racial representation. Kiko is biracial, her mother is white and her father is Japanese. Kiko suffered a lot of racist abuse and emotional abuse at the hands of her mother who made her ashamed of her heritage and her face. I enjoyed seeing Kiko learning about her culture and heritage from some Japanese people she met later on in the novel. It had some really great discussion of the microaggressions she faced every day from the barista to the boys she’s kissed.

One of the things though in Starfish that I wasn’t fond of was the healing character arc that Kiko goes through. I feel like it was too linked too much to her romantic relationship to Jamie and the whole ‘love cures all’. It was framed well a little better later on in the book, but initially, I don’t think it was handled all too well. Also, I’ve read a lot of books recently that feature a lot of art, so that aspect didn’t really wow me either.

I also know there was a lot of talk about a particular problematic quote, something about the m/c diagnosing her mum as “split-personality, narcissistic and psychopathic” due to her abusive behaviour. But I didn’t see that in my copy and I think it was edited out by the British publishers? I obvs can’t say the same for the US one, but this is what the UK edition states:

“God, your mom. Whenever I meet her she acts like the nicest person in the world, and then you tell me stories and I don’t know. Have you ever wondered if she might be bipolar?” Emery takes another drink. “I don’t think that’s it.” Besides, even if Mom was bipolar, that’s not an excuse. There are plenty of parents in the world with mental health conditions who don’t treat their children badly”.

Overall, a decent read with some really good representation.

This was absolutely amazing. It was so beautiful and I loved it. Kiko’s story was so moving and relatable. It dealt with feeling like you don’t belong, and how much people changed. I thought it was perfect

So, this book is not going to take my normal approach to reviewing because my thoughts are all jumbled in a this-is-so-amazing brain dump. I still can’t, 12 hours or so from finishing the story, process how much EVERYONE needs to read this book.
There are so many threads within the book that at least one will have you gasping ‘that’s so me’. It deals with so many crucial issues that make or break someone; divorce, cultural belonging, parental approval, plans for the future, truthfulness, failure and so many more. Not only does Bowman address them, she provides solutions to some if you’re open to seeing them and not all of them are to do with acceptance.
I cried, more than once, reading the novel in my almost-one-sitting. I had a twenty minute break while I had something to eat; unfortunately with now having two beautiful kittens, eating at home is like waging war; one false step and I’ve lost my food. I digress. There are points in the book, whether you’ve been through it or not, your empathy will flood you with emotions. Bowman has created such a strong character that perceives herself as unworthy and weak. It’s hard not to want Kiko in your life as a friend.
While I have my own feelings about the Uncle Max thread and how that is dealt with has brought me some comfort that I never thought I’d find from a book, it is the issue of anxiety that I most identified with. The way Bowman represents Kiko’s thought process hopefully reveals to those who don’t suffer from anxiety, how exhausting it can be. It also helped me feel a little more ‘normal’.

Trigger warnings include abandonment, rejection, toxic family relationships, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, racism, divorce, suicide attempt and mental health.

‘I live my life in the small place between “uncomfortable” and “awkward.”’

I don’t know how to even begin to explain how I feel about Starfish so I’ll start with something easy. That cover!!! Sarah Creech has created one of the most beautiful covers I’ve ever seen! This artist must be an author’s dream come true. The colours, the layout, the design, the awesomeness of it all combined!

I need this cover image available as a print so I can frame it and admire it every day. I also need Sarah commissioned to create artwork of all of the paintings and drawings described in the book because I really, really need a special limited edition illustrated version of Starfish signed by the author and illustrator in my life. Me, me, me, me, me! Argh! I’m a starfish! Moving on …

I don’t know that I’ve ever experienced such a deep bookish connection with a main character before. I felt my name could have been transposed with Kiko’s so many times and yet there were parts of her story that I’ll never understand.

Kiko’s experience of social anxiety is the most honest and realistic portrayal I have ever come across. I would have been right with her attempting to melt into the wall at a party if I’d had the courage to go in the first place. I was impressed by her ability to push through her fear to be in the vicinity of more than one other person at a time sometimes, even though her successes in that area seemed to be fuelled mostly by her need for approval.

‘People terrify me. I’d probably spend the whole night wishing I had the superpower to make myself invisible. I don’t know how to be any other way.’

Her constant feeling of being out of place, weird and different to everyone else hit home for me, as did her pathological need to be ‘enough’ for a person whose expectations are both unrealistic and impossible to meet. I loved her introspection and keen insights into the actions of those around her and her own feelings and behaviour.

I loved that Kiko has a Japanese father and caucasian mother. I desperately wanted her to learn more about her Japanese heritage. I wished that I had siblings but didn’t envy their relationship. I wanted to be friends with Kiko and Emery. I loved Jamie so much that even though I’m anti-romance I wanted Kiko and Jamie to become a couple.

‘I’ve always felt like I desperately needed to say my feelings out loud - to form the words and get them out of me, because they’ve always felt like dark clouds in my head that contaminate everything around them.’

The long term effects of childhood sexual abuse were handled sensitively. The lingering self doubt, guilt and shame were realistic, as were the character’s experiences and internal dialogue as a result of way this trauma was handled by the people they should have been able to trust to protect them.

The physical abandonment by one parent and the emotional abandonment by the other had me getting pretty imaginative with the voodoo doll depiction in my head of Kiko’s mother. Kiko’s fear of abandonment, rejection and of never being enough were all logical but heartbreaking responses to really dysfunctional family dynamics.

‘I draw a dragon breaking free from its grave and finally seeing what its wings and fire are for.’

Kiko finds her voice through her art and the more she explored her feelings through painting and drawing the more I wished I had the ability to translate images in my head to paper and canvas in that way. I’m one of those people who can sort of draw a fairly decent stick figure sometimes as long as they’re just standing there. I loved the use of art as therapy although I did think that the ending was a bit too easy.

I know there were struggles, anguish and angst along the way but Kiko must be made of stronger stuff than I am. If Kiko’s story was my story I am pretty certain there’d be an epilogue that mentioned how well my therapy was going. There was a point in the book where I had to stop reading for a while because some of the responses Kiko experienced were hitting a bit too close to home. If I had to nitpick I’d point out that while Kiko became all about being her own person and making her life her own, she’s not the one who submits the application that gets her on the life path of her dreams.

I felt for sure that Kiko would remain my favourite character but then I met Hiroshi. My candidate for both Father of the Year and Best Mentor Ever, Hiroshi is wise, sensitive, accepting, vulnerable, loving and adorable! I wanted to hug him, take art classes from him and simply sit and listen to him talk about his life and the world for the rest of my life. Hiroshi is one of those people that you meet and hope they’ll adopt you into their family. Everything about him reminded me that family is not defined by blood.

‘“I want you to tell me a story. Tell me anger. Tell me sorrow. Tell me happiness. Just tell me something that matters to you.”’

Akemi Dawn Bowman’s writing is so beautiful and the translation of Kiko’s feelings to artwork was poetic and stunning. I felt a deep connection with so many characters and didn’t want to finish reading because I wanted to continue to hang out with Kiko and Hiroshi. I saw people in my own life in some of the characters I didn’t connect with and gained some insights into their toxicity, which became some of my favourite lightbulb moments in the book. My favourite passage was the story of the sun goddess, Amaterasu.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Ink Road, an imprint of Black & White Publishing, for the opportunity to read this incredible debut novel. I cannot wait for this author’s next book to be released.

Kiko struggles with understanding who she is. She suffers with crippling social anxiety that stops her from doing and being who she thinks she should be. She rarely considers who she actually is. Girl is having a major identity crisis! Along comes her childhood best friend, Jamie, and an unexpected trip to California where she makes some realisations about herself that has Kiko finally speaking what's really on her mind.
Firstly I need to say Kiko's Mother is just the absolute worst. I found myself aching with hurt during every conversation Kiko had with her narcissistic Mother. There was not a shred of compassion in that woman. This in its own was enough for me to route for Kiko and the journey she was on with understanding her own self worth. The descriptions of her drawings were so beautiful and vivid. And her relationship with Jamie was just so heart warming.
I want everyone to read this book. My feels are loving me for it. 💖

I was kindly given an ebook copy of this book by the publisher via netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

I absolutely adored Starfish. This novel perfectly covers so many important issues:
- identity and growing up biracial (Asian-American)
- anxiety (in particular social anxiety)
- family issues (divorce, family dynamics, emotional abuse, and more)
- and others I don't want to list here as they'd be spoilers, but a few other important issues are covered relating to mental health and abuse.

Beyond this, the book is really enjoyable to read as a whole (if you put aside the anger you'll have towards some of the awful behaviour from the adults in this book!) I personally really loved the fact that Kiko was an art student, and the way Akemi entwined the theme of her artwork into the book (discussing the art she'd produce on a daily basis as a reaction to her difficulties.)

This book also put you in the shoes of someone who has grown up feeling like they don't belong due to being biracial. Something that I think a lot of people wouldn't have spent enough time trying to analyse and empathise with, so this is a good little snapshot of how that can be difficult for biracial teens growing up.

Starfish was a brilliant representation of a main character who really struggles with confidence and anxiety issues, and also the way that struggle can be felt by those who are close to you, in particular romantic partners. The romance in this book was lush. I loved it.

The family issues Kiko is dealing with are intense, and I guarantee you'll be shaking your fist at the page hearing the way some of Kiko's family behave...

Overall I'd really recommend this read, especially if you're interested in social anxiety/art studies/family issues/cute romance.

I loved this one so much I've ordered a hardback edition so that I can hopefully get it signed by the author one day.

The first chapter was already heartbreaking, and because I started this on the train, I had to stop because I didn’t want to become too emotional in public. But if a book can affect me so much within the first chapter, I know it’ll be a promising story. I enjoyed the descriptive writing and I found that it was engaging and flowed well.
I adored Kiko’s character and could relate to her on some levels, such as us both wanting and trying to make people around us proud and the strained relationship with her brothers. I found her anxiety relatable too, especially since I hate going new places without someone I know, and seeing this written down on paper was painful but it also made me feel less alone. I actually enjoyed meeting Kiko’s siblings and I wished that their family life wasn’t this heartbreaking, that way they’d be close and have each other’s support.
Kiko’s home family honestly broke my heart, and I just kept wishing she’d get a happy ending because she didn’t deserve all the psychological abuse she received from her mother. Ugh I hate people like Kiko’s mum, narcissist and racist. We also got to meet Kiko’s father and his wife, Serena, who are amazing people and the three children would’ve had a better family life with them than with Kiko’s mother.
I loved how despite Kiko’s poor family life, she was able to find a father figure in Hiroshi, a famous artist. He’s such an amazing father and the advice he gives really hit home, makes you think and is so applicable in my life and probably everyone else’s too.
I liked how romance wasn’t the centrepiece of the story, but rather Kiko learning to become comfortable with who she is was the main focus. Even though I absolutely adored the friendship between Jamie and Kiko. Jamie is literally the sweetest, most patient and kindest soul ever. The world needs more of him.
This story has such a strong and meaningful message, and I think it’s an important story that everyone should read. And it helps that this book features a biracial (Japanese-white) protagonist which anxiety -> PoC and mental health representation is important, therefore all the more reason to read this wonderful story.
I was satisfied with the ending of the book, but I also hope that Kiko cuts ties or at least doesn’t listen to her mother’s words because she deserves to be free from her mother’s negativity. I actually shed tears in the last couple of chapters, which is a rare occurrence for me because I don’t normally cry whilst reading books. So yes, this book did end up making me emotional, but it was still so so good.
I also loved how symbolic the title of the book was in relation to Kiko’s life. I love when the title means something within the story because it makes it more meaningful. And gosh the cover is gorgeous. I think I’ll get a physical copy for myself.
Overall, Starfish was a well-written book with an important message for readers. It’s such a relatable story, and I would highly recommend it to you all. And it’s not too long of a book, so you’ll definitely fly through it.

“We all have to dreams our own dreams. We only get one life to live - live it for yourself, not anyone else.”

This book deals with social anxiety, sexual and emotional abuse it is well thought out and dealt with great.

This story is about a part Asian-American girl living in a small town where she feels like an outsider because she doesn’t fit the ‘norm’. Even her own mother puts her down, tells her she’s not pretty and always blames her for everything. Kiko just wants her mother’s approval and love but she gets neither and when she get rejected from her dream school, her mother is there to rub it in. When an old friend turns up after leaving 8 years ago, they catch up and she ends up escaping with him back to his home in California, to look at schools there. It begins two weeks of self discovery, freedom from an abusive mother, a chance to deal with her past and to finally become who she wants to be. With the help of Jamie and Hiroshi, Kiko begins to explore who she is and deals with her past.

This is an usual story about an Part Asian girl, it shouldn’t be unusual it should be the the norm. We need more books like this! The youth in our society need to know beauty isn’t what the media says is beauty but its all the quirks and unusual things about us that makes us beautiful. I love the analogy of the starfish in this book.

“At his funeral, I overheard some people referring to him as ‘Starfish.’ I asked them why they gave him that nickname, and they told me it was because he always had to be the centre of attention. Like the legs of a starfish, all pointing to the middle. He thought he was the centre of all things.” Hiroshi laughs. “All that time growing up, I thought I was the only one who could see. I thought nobody understood the way he was. I thought I was the problem. But some people are just starfish—they need everyone to fill the roles that they assign. They need the world to sit around them, pointing at them and validating their feelings. But you can’t spend your life trying to make a starfish happy, because no matter what you do, it will never be enough. They will always find a way to make themselves the centre of attention, because it’s the only way they know how to live.” I think we need to know we don’t have to please everyone all the time, we have to do what is best for us.

“Normal people don’t need to prepare for social interactions. Normal people don’t panic at the sight of strangers. Normal people don’t want to cry because the plan they’ve processed in their head is suddenly not the plan that’s going to happen. I’m not normal. I know this.”

I like this book because its not some preppy girl whose the popular one and always great at parties. It shows the side of people who are not comfortable with new situations and when plans suddenly change. I could relate to this very well I identified with the character and that’s why I couldn’t put it down and finished it in a day!

4.5 Stars

A big thank you to Netgalley for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

This book flew by so quickly. I started this one night at around 9pm and the next thing I knew I was forcing myself to stop about 2 hours later so I could save it for the next day.

I found myself relating deeply to the main character but also to a lot of the side characters. The romance was genuine and I didn't think it took away from the main story.

This is a character driven book. It focuses on Kiko who is half-Japanese. The book is about Kiko coming to terms with herself, learning to make decisions for herself and coming out of her own shell, even when her own mother makes it very difficult to do so. It also focuses on her passion for art. The author did a good job of making the characters three-dimensional. You could tell just from reading about their surface interactions, the sort of individual someone was. You could immediately get a feel of their personalities. This made each interaction between our characters more meaningful.

I thought Kiko's mother was a fascinating character. It was clear that she was self-absorbed and held superficial notions of beauty, however, from her interactions with her daughter, you could feel her loneliness and her need for affection come through. This is a result of the wonderful writing, interlaced with beautiful metaphors and internal dialogue.

I highly recommend this book! It is well-written, well-paced, complex and a overall a lovely, emotional introspective read.

Wow. What a book! This has become one of my recent favourites.

Trigger: Although I don’t like mentioning events taking place in a novel, because it could take away from the overall reading experience, I believe there are certain times when a reader should know what they will come up against. Sexual abuse and anxiety are described in this novel, so if anybody feels like they are not ready to expose themselves to that, I would suggest proceeding with caution.

In this novel, we follow Kiko Himura, a seventeen-year-old girl experiencing her last few weeks in high school. Kiko and her younger brother Shoji live with their mother after their parents got divorced, while her older brother Taro is in college and stays with them for the summer holidays, since her father has remarried and created another family. The three siblings are a product of an interracial marriage and that is one of the main issues that concern our protagonist in the course of the events that unfold in this book. Such a summary might tempt the reader to jump to conclusions as to Kiko’s predicaments, but just wait.

“…being around Mom is like swimming in poison.”

This was a book that focuses on the mother-daughter relationship, and one of the main reasons I was so immersed in this story was because it gave me what other plots lack in this department: the familial bonds, particularly between a mother and her younger daughter, a clash of generations within the same family, gender, and society. Seeing through Kiko’s point of view, the reader pictures a mother that does not give her daughter a break, and a daughter constantly and consciously craving her mother’s approval, attention or acceptance but never receiving it. Kiko is torn between resenting her mother for not being there for her and herself for not doing enough to prove herself a worthy daughter, a child deserving her mother’s love. Having gone through a traumatic experience when he was younger and not receiving any tenderness or validation from her mother plays a determining role in the emotions she has developed against her. This is not an example of tough love, simply because the words might be spoken sporadically throughout the novel, but the sentiment just doesn’t seem to come from the mother’s end. After the first third of the book, I kept thinking this was an unreliable narration, seeing as we only get one aspect of the story and the mother doesn’t seem to display any sort of affection to the people that should mean most to her, not just her daughter, but all her children. I was critical of the way everyone was portrayed in this book, seeing as Kiko was often too involved in her own struggles and worries to notice anything else going on outside her personal space, where she hardly let anyone in. The end of the novel brought me back to the story I saw so much potential to, by offering some answers, even if they could not be deemed as resolutions to the problems Kiko and her family was facing.

“Sometimes Mom can be insightful without even realizing it. My mother is incapable of real love. It explains so much.”

Kiko was a protagonist lots of readers can identify with, especially taking into account her age. Even if some of the hardships she endured might not, or rather are hopefully not exactly relatable for some people, she is so much more than that, in that she is defined by so many other things other than her troubled youth. She is an artistic soul, an introvert with anxiety, thus having a hard time to meeting new people, a sister, a friend. I was a bit concerned that the character growth I seek in coming-of-age stories wouldn’t take place, because she seemed to neglect all the good things going on in her life, like a female friend we all need and a very likeable side-character, Emery, a long lost best friend who she got reunited with, her brothers and half-sisters, and opportunities that arise thanks to her being he true self and to the encouragement of other people, but in the end I was not disappointed. Furthermore, the events of the book prove the point that waiting for something to change your life, when it is out of your control to make it happen or ensure it, might not be the right way to go. Taking your life in your hands should be able to fix that.

“Maybe I don’t need weapons o armor ii I have the truth.”

The writing style was simple without necessarily being simplistic, thus making the book a total page-turner. In my opinion, it felt a bit blunt for an adult reader at times, as I noticed some disparities which made me question what I just read, because in a way certain information in the previous chapters was obliterated, but it was a rare occurrence and nothing particularly troublesome. My main issue was that sometimes Kiko knew she was being dismissive or putting up more obstacles for herself instead of making an effort to overcome them, but I think that is bound to adolescence and inexperience. What I really loved about the author’s writing was that not a word felt wasted in this book. Even though the protagonist’s voice and words were a bit repetitive at times, it didn’t take away from how real it felt. The creation of such precious side characters, each intriguing in their own way, exalts the human nature and the need for humanity at once, two very different concepts that should be equivalent, though I would want them to shine a little bit more.

“…beauty doesn’t come in one mold.”

If you want to read a story about facing your fears, accepting yourself and finding your voice, I would recommend this book in a heartbeat. If you want to read a thought-provoking novel, this is again the book for you. A story so gripping and heart wrenching all at once that I was incapable of putting the book down.

This is my review system in short:
Plot 4
Originality 3,5/5
Sense 4/5
Value 4/5
Enjoyment 5/5
Characters 4,5/5
Overall reading experience: 4.25/5

Thank you to NetGalley and to Black & White Publishing for providing me with an e-ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

‘Starfish’ tells the story of Kiko Himura, a young artist devoted to her aspirations of attending Prism, her top art school. With a tough home life living with her emotionally abuse mother, she’s desperate to do whatever it takes to escape and live her dream life. However, after the return of her abusive uncle and a rejection letter, she feels as if her world is turned upside down. That’s when childhood friend, Jamie, makes an offer she simply can’t refuse; to move away with him in California. It’s there, that Kiko learns the importance of being brave.

I had high expectations for this book, reading numerous high reviews and being one of the most anticipated releases of the year. So, when I saw the beautiful cover on Netgalley, I couldn’t not request it. Needless to say, I was not disappointed.

The protagonist, Kiko, was a joy to read; it’s impossible not to fall in love with her. Her strength throughout the novel was inspiring, following her life through numerous downfalls and the development of her character at the end was incredibly empowering. Kiko’s journey was simply wonderful. The portrayal of anxiety with her character was also brilliant, being one of the most accurate I’ve read in YA fiction for a long time. It was relatable, honest, and not glorifying in the slightest. Her character was aware that her health was a fault in her life, and made active attempts to rectify it throughout the story. ‘Starfish’ normalises mental illnesses and writes them in a educated way to encourage readers to overcome their own problems – to find strength like Kiko did.

One of my favourite things about this novel was Kiko and Jamie’s relationship; it was adorable. From the moment Jamie returned to the protagonist’s life, their relationship with another gradually progressed, rediscovering their childhood. Jamie’s support was beautiful, admitting he didn’t understand her struggles with anxiety, yet made constant attempts to comfort her throughout. Plus, the one time he made a rude remark about her health in an argument, he immediately rectified it by calling a ‘truce’. There was no further comments. Their relationship was healthy and heartwarming, with fun dialogue and an interesting history between them.

Overall, ‘Starfish’ is an empowering story of self-discovery and acceptance. It moves at a steady pace with short chapters, making it the perfect afternoon read.

There are some books that come from dark places. Starfish is one of them. This book is so dense with emotions and heavy issues which touch me personally, that I am sure that it has been crafted with heart and passion.
Kiko’s character is beautiful. She’s an artist and the author know exactly how to convey her unique vision of the world and her love for painting and drawing. As a Japanese-American who has grown up apart from a part of her heritage, she is a character who is completely lost about her own identity and seeing her reconnect with the Japanese’s culture is an amazing journey. The scenery is vivid and for a French woman as myself, California was as real as if it was under my eyes.
The main conflict of Starfish is the toxic and abusive relationship established between Kiko and her mother. I’ve written before that Starfish must have been a book in which Akemi Dawn Boweman has poured all her heart and I am pretty sure of that because of how authentic and accurate it sounded.
Emotional abuse, especially coming from a member of your own family always leave a mark and a lot of almost always unhealthy coping mechanisms. The trail of thoughts of Kiko is so similar to how I thought before, that I had chills reading it.
Kiko was me: broken, doubting to be able of love and of being loved, afraid that she could never escape this situation and obtain her happy ending. Her character development arc is so satisfying and fulfilling. She is a full-fleshed character and we can only fall for her.
This book is so dense with emotions. It has the right words for these feelings you are not able to describe. Through Kiko and her journey, I had managed to accept who I was and that I had not to be what society expected of me because I could be so much more.
The world is so much bigger and brighter than we think in a first time, and it is the reality that is intertwined in every page of this wonderful book.
“I draw a girl shrinking into the grass until she’s hidden by a bed of flower that are all so much prettier than she is”
The romance was really cute. The childhood friend-to-lover trope is well used. It’s fresh and does not feel forced. Jaime and Kiko learn to know each other and to trust the other all over again. Jaime is patient and kind to her. For people thirsty for trust and kindness as Kiko is, it’s an amazing thing to see that she chooses herself over a romance that could be rushed.
Again, and again, this love story is a story of self-love.
One of my only regrets is that I would love to have known more about the side characters like Taro or Shoji. I know it was essential to show that the focus was on Kiko and that she was on her own in this big scary world, but this is why I can’t wait to read Akemi Dan Boweman’s upcoming book: her characters are everything!
To sum up, this story is about more than a girl learning to be herself, it’s about survival and how to unlearn everything that you believed was right when it clearly was not. It’s about empowering yourself.
I wish that I had this book, younger when I was thinking that I was the mistake. I wish that, as Kiko, I could have bloomed just as beautiful as her.
She is a flower and Starfish is a garden, with its weeds and its roses.

Plot
In Akemi Dawn Bowman's debut novel Starfish, we follow 17-year-old Kiko who is days away from graduation and impatiently waiting for news from her dream art school Prism, when her abusive uncle moves back in with Kiko's family, her childhood best friend Jamie suddenly shows back up and Kiko's life takes a direction she didn't expect. 

Prism suddenly isn't going to happen anymore, Kiko lives in constant fear of what her uncle might do, so when things get really bad, Jamie suggests Kiko should come to California with him, tour art schools there and decide what she wants to do with her life. We then follow Kiko and Jamie to California and experience this new life and everything it has to offer alongside Kiko.

I have to say, when I got into this book, I had absolutely no idea what to really expect from it. I hadn't looked at the actual synopsis in a little while because I wanted to go into this as blindly as possible and experience the story as it unfolded before my own eyes and I have to say, that was a fantastic decision!

Akemi Dawn Bowman really drew me into this book from the beginning and I would find myself reading a hundred pages and not even realizing that many pages had gone by!

I also absolutely adored where Bowman took the story and characters in this book and I want to give her the highest of fives for the way she dealt with mental health issues in this book! It never once felt like there was a magical 'cure' for Kiko's anxiety and instead, we get to see Kiko learn to deal and live with her anxiety.

Characters

Kiko was such a brilliant character to get to know in Starfish and to see develop further and overcome some of the problems she faced early on in the book. And I loved the fact that the author really took the time to address what Kiko was feeling and that we had people who challenged those viewpoints and were able to show Kiko a different perspective on the things she had been dealing with all her life.

And while I, myself, couldn't always relate to everything Kiko was going through - especially when it came to the fact that she was half-Japanese and the way her own mother would talk about beauty and where she put the focus of what beautiful meant, I could still relate to the fact that you need to see a variety of people of different shapes, sizes, skin tones, etc. to realize that beauty and what someone might consider beautiful is subjective.

Honestly, that quote is so, so important and something I really wanted to make sure I remembered after finishing this book because it is so important for all of us out there to remember.

While I absolutely adored Kiko as a character, I constantly found myself wanting to just shake her mother and wake her up from whatever state she was in that made her such a horrible parent to Kiko and her brothers.

I don't really have much to say about the side characters and some of it should be said because it's all part of the overall story and something that you as a reader should experience as you read the book yourself, I think. But the one thing I do want to mention is that this book deals with abuse, both mental and sexual. Please be aware of this when you're going into this book.

Writing
You guys, I feel like I keep repeating myself whenever I talk about the writing in contemporary novels because I always mention how easy it is to follow and how I have no problems reading a ton of pages without even realizing that I've done it - and that was definitely the case with Starfish too!

I ended up reading this book within probably about 24-ish hours this past weekend and that's definitely something that's only possible because the writing and storytelling were done so well in Starfish that I just didn't want to stop reading even though the subject matter wasn't as light and fluffy as my usual contemporary reads.

Enjoyment
This review has basically been me telling you guys how much I adored Kiko and her story, which makes me think that it's pretty obvious that I enjoyed this book - a lot, actually! If you follow me on Goodreads and/or Twitter, you might have seen my reading updates that I shared over there about how much I ended up loving this book and I would recommend this book so, so highly - if you are okay reading about the mental and sexual abuse, that is!

It took me a while to write this review… I just have so many feelings! This was such a unique and intense read! I loved it.

This book is about Kiko. She is half Asian and struggles with her appearance because today’s society is crappy. She suffers from anxiety, loves art, has two brothers with whom she doesn’t relate much and she has a narcissistic mother. If that was not enough, we can see that her life is not the best, but neither was her past (TW for abuse both psychological and physical).

This is an extremely hard book to read for how honest and relatable it is, I believe that for an Asian person it is probably much more relatable but I’m not Asian and I still related to Kiko a hell of a lot.

First of all, this book represents social anxiety in a very realistic and interesting way. We see all the struggles Kiko has, how much she tends to depend on others because of that and how difficult and yet possible it is to slowly overcome it. I really admired Kiko for how strong of a person she was, and she didn’t even realize it, which made it even more emotional. It’s something I related in way too many levels and I absolutely loved finally reading it in such an honest and yet careful way.

That’s not the only part I could relate to in her but it’s for sure the main one and the one I will mostly talk about here. A lot of people don’t realize how difficult social anxiety is and it’s often incomprehensible for many. I guess it’s something really difficult to understand without living it, but that shouldn’t be seen as something stupid or made up. Every day is a battle, and this book shows that exceptionally well.

Another thing I loved about this book was the importance of art, and how it was portrayed. Like the book says, art is often seen as something little, something everyone can do if they try. Everyone can splash some paint on a canvas, everyone can do some lines on a paper, everyone this, everyone that. But I don’t believe that and neither did Kiko, even tho she was often told that. Her dream was to be a painter and she pursued her dream with fearlessness and independently of what others thought of it. Plus there’s a lot of passages in the book that is Kiko’s feelings put in drawings, which I loved. Well in this case words showing what she was drawing (I wish the drawing were included too >.<).

The parts that had me most drawn to this book has to be the tragic parts (obviously – I just love my deep contemporaries) which are related to her family. Her mom is incapable of transmitting love. She is a narcissist, she only cares about herself and like that’s not enough she manages to be also racist even to her own children. Kiko was constantly psychologically abused. She often cried; felt ugly, alone, unloved and misunderstood. It was really emotional seeing her pass through all of that and I really rooted for her to get out of there and get her dream. Her mom made me CRAZY! She constantly shamed her daughter’s half-Asian appearance and even her culture, which she basically thought not to be cool anymore. How can someone do that to their own daughter?! But some do… And I believe this was a very realistic and powerful representation.

The friendship in this book is goals and the romance in this story is quite different, slow burning and cute. They were childhood friends long ago before Jamie moved away. At times it drove me crazy because of the lack of communication between the two of them, but that also made it more impactful and gripping. I loved that the romance in the book didn’t overpower the significance of the story, Kiko’s story. How she managed to show the best of herself to the world by following her dreams, battle her fears and distance herself from all the bad in her past.

I loved the meaning of the title, the writing and literally everything about this story. It’s quite dark, realistic and deeply meaningful. I would definitely recommend it to everyone and especially for Asians. 4.5 stars

I loved the story and the reason for the title only became clear towards the end. I desperately wanted life to be kind for kiko and for her to gain confidence in herself. A great read for young people, especially those who find their ethnicity and family culture makes it difficult to place themselves in society. Who am i and where do i belong? We may not always voices these questions but most of us have internalised them along the journey of growing up.

The best thing about #ownvoices books is you can really tell how genuine they are, and how personal the characters and stories are. Every character in Starfish felt fleshed out and real, and the writing really brought that out. This felt like a step above regular teen fiction: there were none of the tropes I'm sick of, no useless girl-hate or misunderstandings leading to huge, pathetic fights, nor was there an irritating, out-of-the-blue focus on unrealistic romance. This was a gorgeous, honest, painful story that made me cry and I loved it. Kiko is a well-developed character I cared about, desperate for her to succeed throughout the book.

Let us first just take a moment to admire this book cover… HOW STUNNING IS THAT!? Shortly after I requested an ARC from NetGalley I received an email from the publishing team asking if I would like a copy of the cover. Naturally I jumped at this because it’s so beautiful and how could I pass up on the opportunity to include this in my bookstagram feed?

I love this combination of nebulae and universe background with the purples, and dark blues and the aquatic animals – that turtle is so adorable (they’re my favourite animals!) It has a artsy feel too which is perfect for this story; our protagonist – Kiko is a very skilled artist though unfortunately she doesn’t have the self-confidence she rightfully should, and would you if your mum never commented on your artwork? Never came to any exhibitions you were a part of. This was the first glimpse we really got of her mother’s behaviour towards here, and it didn’t end there – she would comment on Kiko’s appearance and continually put her down making her believe that beauty came in one form – and not Kiko’s.

This book was great at introducing and developing characters to us, particularly for Kiko’s family. As the story continues, Kiko feeds pieces of information from her past finally building up the story of what happened between her parents, why her siblings and herself are so scarred, and why it is so terrible that her Uncle is moving in with them.

I particularly loved her meeting with her childhood friend Jamie again; it was a whole new side of Kiko , and in terms of character development I really think she benefitted from him being there. Not only did it provide a character for Kiko to talk with and vent to but additionally it gave her opportunities she would’ve never had trapped in her house with her mother.

The story keeps up a great pace and is simply captivating. It highlights areas of society through Kiko’s art – standards for beauty and trying to conform. There are also darker themes of abuse, and suicide, but I think they’re handled with care and approached in a manner which deals with their impacts appropriately. This is something which is hard for an author to get right being such a sensitive subject but I really believe Bowman narrates these pieces with respect without losing the sincerity nor gravity of the issues.

I liked Kiko as a character a lot, she is quirky and bright, I just wish she knew that being herself is being her best. I would’ve loved to see some f the artwork mentioned throughout the book – often used to convey Kiko’s ideas rather than using specific words on the page.

Overall I’m rating this book 4.5*/5 – it was overall a great read and dealt with more serious themes appropriately. It would’ve been read as an illustrated piece I think, but the descriptions are vibrant and detailed enough to convey the main message. I will definitely be adding this book to my shelf when it is released; if you’re a fan of contemporary fiction then this will without doubt be a great read for you!

*TW: sexual abuse, mental abuse, attempted suicide

To be honest, I was not sure what awaited me before I read it. I had never heard of Starfish before, but the cover immediately made me look into it. Because that cover is definitely one of the most beautiful I have ever laid my eyes upon. And it sounded interesting, too.
This book follows Kiko, an Japanese-American girl who lives in a town where she is an outsider. Because she feels different for being Asian, she does not feel like she belongs. And she is not realy accepted which makes her self-conscious. Her mother only adds to her being uncomfortable in her skin because she is a narcissistic woman who looks exactly the way Kiko will never look: the personification of a good American woman. Kiko is mostly alone, her mother only cares about herself and her brothers are practically strangers, each of the siblings trying to protect themselves in their own ways.
But Kiko grows so much over the course of the story.
When Jamie, her childhood best friend, returns to the town, and helps her cope with everything. She does not rely on him, but she accepts his help and learns that she is not alone. But that there are indeed people who care for her. She slowly becomes the person she wants to be and accepts herself. That transformation was so wonderful to read about, it was so real and felt so harsh and raw and really got into me.
Kiko comes from a very broken family. As I said before, her mother is very egoistic and narcissistic, the father has left the family to live with his new love and their two children. Kiko’s older brothers copes by trying not to care about anything at all, her younger brother tries not to get any attention and learning more about Japanese culture. But none of them really talks about their feelings or about how bad it actually is, so of course the whole fragile drama is going to implode sooner or later. And it was written very detailed and I just sat there, being all emotional and rooting very much for Kiko and her brothers.

But the connection between Kiko and Jamie was written beautifully as well. Best friends once, they tried to pick up at that point again, but both of them have changed. They are not the people they knew anymore, but they try so hard and even though it is tough for them, they manage and get closer again and I just… I love them.

And also the whole thing with Kiko being great with art and art being a main theme through the book was great. Because through that, it was even better for the reader to see how much Kiko grows. She draws things that affect her life, she being different and being a target of racism, her narcissistic mother, her friends, the people who help her.

I don’t even know if there was anything I disliked about that book. Starfish is definitely a reading recommendation. I loved it. Very much. And it will be soemthing I’ll think about for a very long time. It was so, so intense.

I received a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

This story totally blew me away. I have to say that I was mainly drawn to this book because of how gorgeous the cover is, so I didn’t have any preconceived notions about the story.

Kiko is half Japanese and lives with her 2 brothers and her Mother. Kiko has never felt like she fits in and her mother reinforces this by making her feel like she is not enough. Kiko dreams of going to Prism an art school in New York but when she doesn’t get accepted she embarks on a trip to California with a childhood friend to check out art schools on the West Coast.

This book really sick you in, I felt a certain kinship with Kiko, she is not a people person and finds social situations to be uncomfortably awkward. What this book is really about is accepting yourself and for Kiko this is the biggest challenge that she faces. Her mother constantly puts her down and in general her behavior towards Kiko is abhorrent, she totally disregards Kiko’s Japanese heritage and makes her feel that the only way you can be beautiful is if you are runway model perfect.

When Kiko leaves home for California and gets away from her mother she is finally able to find start seeing that beauty comes in many forms and starts to accept herself. She get’s’ to explore her Asian side and finds a place where she doesn’t feel like an outcast.

Readin this book brought a tear to my eye on more than one occasion, it touches on subjects that lots of people go through and I feel like Kiko’s character is very relatable. Her journey of self-discovery and acceptance is bittersweet that has lots ups and downs but I loved every single page.

“I don’t have to be white to be beautiful, just like I don’t have to be Asian to be beautiful. Because beauty doesn’t come in one mold.”

This truly a great read, that I would recommend you read because if you don’t you’ll be missing out.

Exactly 4 stars.

<i>Thank you netgalley and publisher for the arc, this review contains my honest and fair opinion.</i>

This book was a little confronting for me. For many reasons from being Asian myself (though not half) to struggle as an asian child in a community of non-asians, to other stuff that was more in common to me than I expected (that really made me uncomfortable.) But I have to say, among all the contemporary books, from your usual, to the those that have asian characters, from Jenny Han to well, Maureen Goo. Anyway. Let's just get right to it. I do want to point out before I forget - this was highly recommended it to me.

I really liked the change in family dynamics to what we're used to. This is from the eyes of an asian character that sounds very familiar yet also a lot deeper than we expected.

The story is also incredibly complicated. Kiko is very complicated. We have dynamics from Kiko's family, between her and her mum, her and her brothers, her and her father, her mother and father, her and her future, her and her desires, her and her social anxiety, her and Jamie, Jamie's family, and of course, the lifestyle of a small country town.

So, I want to point out some of the themes.
- Mother-daughter relationships
- Family relationships
- Being the 'odd' one out in predominantly single culture society
- Small towns
- Inner conflict
- Abuse - bother sexual and child
- Crazy mothers

And probably more.

There are a few I can relate to, but the majority, I can't, mostly because I've always been a city girl, my family doesn't have a mother crazy in the same kind of sense, and I was always the oldest child, so maybe I was a bit more like Taro, more apathetic than like Kiko. Kiko kind of reminded me a little bit of my brother. More outspoken, unable to hold back on how she feels. She sinks into the feeling, and though she doesn't say anything, she says other things. So I don't feel like I can one hundred percent relate to Kiko, even though I understood all of it.

<b>Kiko</b>. Why she's great? She's not our typical representation of asian in literature. Her depiction gives us something definitely not stereotypical, she's also half asian so she has a lot to deal with especially growing up in a small town. I loved the way she draws and paints, it's beautiful, and the way it's described is even more so. What I love most about her is her development as a character. It's a very typical but well developed coming of age story, and I love that she has to figure out where she needs to be and how to get there and how to grow some Ladyballs.
Why I couldn't relate 100%? Because Kiko was very emotional. She let it all out while holding back on her mother at times, for various reasons, and that's not an experience I could understand. There were some moments where I wanted to yell at her that she's being a starfish (not like her mum but) too. Especially when it comes to her brothers and her own problems. It's an unusual feeling really. Since I don't hate it, when usually Kiko might have irritated me. Because there were times when she comes close to be too self-focussed. But just when I think that'll happen, Bowman justifies and opens Kiko's mind.

<b>Jamie.</b> He is adorably sweet. He was a great character to contrast Kiko's anxiety. But part of me wishes he was less knight in shining armour. It was nice, but he was too understanding sometimes, and yes, they did disagree and they did blow up at each other, they were the sweetest part of the story.

<b>Her mother</b> was pretty much the meanest thing in this book. She is Cinderella's evil stepmother. She has issues, mental issues, and that she often has to be the centre of the world that means she has to make others feel bad in return. Or worries about how others think about her. In saying that, I feel her mother was not thoroughly dealt with (that doesn't feel like the right way to describe it). Her story with Kiko is dealt with in Kiko's perspective, but as a person, it seems that she was just simply abandoned, which is probably something that should have been dealt with (still dealt with isn't the right way to describe this).

<b>Her brothers</b> were a good contrast to Kiko, but I would have liked to see more about their relationship with her. Because they seemed to have such a small role, I feel like it was a bit harder to believe Kiko's concern for Shoji. I mean it was great at the beginning, but when she disappears to California, we don't, as readers, see her call Shoji often or even Taro (I expect she'd call Shoji more than she would an older bro who's a bit distant), so it didn't feel 'real' to me. But this is just from my perspective and my experience, I can't say the same about everyone else. But I would have liked to see more actual interactions between Kiko and Shoji. I mean come on...you know what your mother is like, she's driven you up the wall, you don't think she won't move onto the next target? Taro is apathetic, and he's happy to move about as he needs. But Shoji is a kid. He's too young and he relies on his mother. Before Kiko left, I'll bet he was relying on her to deflect the bullets and while I don't look at Kiko as someone who has to take the brunt of everything, and who herself was going through a lot of things herself as in the nature of being young, then it was obvious that Shoji wasn't going to be okay. So yes, I would have liked to see more of that.

<b>Writing</b> is beautiful, but sometimes it can do a few things, borders on those things: 1) Make Kiko seem a bit too focussed on her own feelings that it seems like she doesn't care about what her mother feels, this could have been avoided more if had more insight into her mother's mind. 2) The story is very packed with many conflicts, which does well for characters and helps deepen their stories, but I do wish that perhaps their conflicts were more deeply explored? For example we see and hear Jamie's parents disagreements, but in the end it bordered on becoming a device for moving Kiko's story. In saying that, it didn't make Jamie seem like only a tool, it did give him three-dimensionality. And we hear about the mother, but her own story is left at abandonment as punishment, her illness as the problem, but well, it's not really solved.
But putting this aside, the writing itself is very beautiful. I love the way Bowman uses her words to describes the paintings Kiko paints (and the drawing she draws). I wish I could see them for real!

<b>Overall</b>
I did really enjoy this book! It might have confronted myself in ways that makes writing this review hard, but I can't say I hated it. I far from hated it. And I would definitely recommend it. There's probably a lot more I could say, but it's slipped my mind for now!