I’m not sure how I feel about this one still. I liked it while I was reading it but I found it very forgettable. I did really like the characters and the story line.

I have OCD as well as the main character so I was excited to read this, but the characters were pretty bland and I had a hard time connecting with them in general.

While I appreciate the opportunity to review this book, I did not enjoy it. I did not connect with the characters, but I thought the OCD was portrayed in a realistic, honest way.

*3.5 stars*

I’ve read a number of these hi-lo fiction novels recently and this one was definitely my favorite of the bunch. This is what is considered “hi-lo” fiction—short books that are designed to encourage young, reluctant readers to read more. This one seems like it is aimed for an early middle school to early high school audience, so basically mid-middle grade and early young adult.

In this novel, we follow a teenage boy named Josh who is struggling to understand the way his brain is functioning. Something just does not feel right to him—his mind is driving him to do things he knows others don’t tend to do such as to repeatedly check door locks and counting cracks in ceilings. Deep down, he knows he does not need to do any of this, however, he feels that he must or harm will come to his loved ones. When he is diagnosed with OCD, Josh finally knows what is wrong, but overcoming it is a daunting obstacle looming ahead.

I feel a very personal connection to these types of stories as I have struggled with OCD for many years. In fact, I was around the same age as Josh—early high school—when I was officially diagnosed. This personal connection can be either good or bad. It can make me quite picky about the way it is portrayed. I think that Anna Russell ended up doing quite a good job with this. Josh’s struggles felt very realistic and accurate to what experiencing OCD is like and I believe it will be quite an informative story for readers.

It is difficult for me to put myself in the position of someone who is reluctant to read, but I felt it was important for me to check these types of novels out. I, of course, want to promote reading to everyone any chance I get. While I do wish there had been a little more to this book—not much, just that is was a bit longer and went into more detail about OCD—I do think this is a good addition to hi-lo fiction. This is definitely a story I can see readers really getting into, and I think it will not only encourage them to explore literature more but that it will also teach them some important information about mental health.

Josh has always had to do things differently - following the voice in his head that says bad things will happen if he doesn't finish a song, count the crack on the ceiling, and check his locker combo dozens of times. As Josh's life becomes more affected by these thoughts Josh discovers he has OCD. This story of coming to terms with who you are, finding friends who accept you, and not being afraid to be yourself is one that readers will be able to relate to on multiple levels.

A verse novel is a great way to convey a small amount of information in a more extended fashion. This is a fairly straightforward journey. From feeling isolated and strange to understanding and managing mental illness. Simple but fairly emotionally intense. And because its a largely emotional journey, its well suited to the verse novel format, which can have more room to explore emotions than a traditional narrative. Not the best example of the genre I've ever encountered, but decent.

Russell's What If? is a story written out as a book. It follows a young boy who loves to drum. And who has to repeat or 'do over’ certain actions or tasks, thanks to obsessive thoughts. Josh is a counter, one suffering from OCD who must count things. As his problems grow worse, Josh consents to talking to a therapist, and to taking medication to help quiet the obsessions. As the OCD grows worse and begin to cause issues in school, Josh's father doesn't make it easy. He strips Josh of coping aids, and questions why Josh can't just stop acting on the thoughts, can't just turn the thoughts off. Can things ever work out in Josh's favour?

I loved the poem format of the story. I'm finding more and more books that tell their whole stories this way. As a poet myself, I find this a delightful trend, and hope it fosters a greater sense of appreciation for poetry in groups that might otherwise discount it. As a story about a teen coping with OCD, I 100% grok this. I suffered from it badly, starting in middle school. I'm a checker, and organiser. I used to have to check door locks ten to fifteen times in a row before being released from the compulsion. Or check electrical items to make sure they were off. And you know, deep down, this behaviour makes no sense, but the surface thoughts don't let go. If the door's unlocked, a stranger might get in. If things are left on, they might catch fire. Josh's thoughts, his actions, and reactions were so relatable to me, and certainly will be to any out there suffering from this vicious anxiety disorder.

***Many thanks to Netgalley and West 44 Books for providing an ARC in exchange for a fair and honest review.

I requested this book as I had already read a book by the same publisher that I liked and wanted to try out more.

As I had already read a book written only in verse, this time I knew what was expecting me. I really liked the flow of the story that I finished it in one go. I had a lot of insight into the main characters struggles and loved it, I think the format of writing in verse really accentuated the mental illness for the better. The plot was really comfortable to read and entertaining as well as also realistic.

All in all it was an okay read for a short while that you don't have to concentrate too much on when reading it as the plot and relationships aren't very deep.

This is a unique and engaging book, written in verse, which deals with teen mental health in an authentic way.

Although the book was in the form of a collection of poems, it still read like a novel. I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a better idea of what a person who’s diagnosed with OCD has to go through every single day.
This was eye-opening, especially since these days there’s either so much stigma around mental illnesses or they get to be romanticized and carelessly belittled.

I found this novel to be fascinating. I thought it was well-written in verse. I found this format to be in tune with what Josh was going through. He has OCD and anxiety. The challenges he faces with this disability are profound. He was able to make a friend in the novel that helped him to open up, but that was challenging as well. His fear of others finding out why he was acting strangely caused him to push those close to him away. He was able to find solace in the music of the Beatles, and eventually his group. A talent show was his opportunity to shine, and he did. 

I would recommend this novel to anyone dealing with OCD or curious about what OCD is.

Thank you Netgalley and the Publisher for allowing me the opportunity to read this book.

Thank you to Netgalley and West 44 Books for the eARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I requested this book because I really enjoy reading books about mental illness and I also like books written in verse. This book, although good, seemed too short. It seemed a little to rushed.

Josh is a teenager who has OCD but don't know it. He moved schools because he was falling behind in his old school. He finally sees a doctor who diagnoses him with OCD. Now that he has a diagnosis he learns how to cope with and overcome his OCD.

Overall, it was an ok book. I wish it had been longer so we could get more into the plot and get to know the characters even more.

Thank you again to West 44 Books and Netgalley.

This is one of them books I wish I could actually hold in my hands as I'm sure the ebook doesn't do it justice and it looks more beautiful on paper.
It's a perfect quick read, almost poetic. I myself have no experience with OCD and can't relate, hence the four stars out of five.
It's very well written, unique, yet I so wish there had been more of it.

“I think she wants all the pieces of us- who we used to be.” I looked out the car window, saw Mom walking toward us, sunshine grin lighting up her face.
“Julia?” I asked. “Do you think that means she’s afraid of who we’re going to become?”

It’s always hard to rate a book about a disorder you’re not familiar with or do not have experience with, but the way the author describes the anxiety Josh felt and the way he struggled with how his brain worked seems a truthful fit (not mentioning outsiders just not understanding that your brain works differently and you cannot control it).

This is a verse book which I love, and it works very well with the story. Josh is a 16-year-old boy who has undiagnosed OCD. He, along with his family, friends, and teachers from school, do not understand why he acts like he does. In the book, is OCD is most prominent when he’s playing his drums. He HAS to finish each song he starts no matter what. Even if his parents tell him to stop or if he’s running late for school, he has to finish. Of course, that puts a strain on his relationship with his father, who just thinks he’s being rebellious.

Julia is Josh’s older sister. She’s the one who Josh trusts the most, and for not understanding Josh’s dilemma, Julia is very understanding of him. BUT, she’s also not the perfect teenager that’s usually portrayed in YA books. She gets frustrated with her brother’s antics even while trying to understand him.

I really, really appreciate the author’s attention to mental disorder and medication. Josh’s therapist explained that medication is not a fix-all as some believe; it’s just there to help with symptoms.

Overall, “What If?” is a great quick read that lets readers see in the mind of someone with a mental disorder, and how he and his family are affected.

Book Review
Title: What If?
Author: Anna Russell
Genre: YA/Verse/Mental Illness
Rating: *****
Review: All I knew about What If was that it is a ya novel written in verse about a boy named Josh struggling with OCD. I loved Sarah Crossan’s One which was written in verse, so I was very excited to read this book. It is clear to see from the outset that Josh has OCD and possibly his mother as well, but he hasn’t been diagnosed and has no idea how to process or cope with these strange thoughts and habits.
The only coping mechanism Josh has is playing the drums but is thrown into panic when first his father and then his music teacher prevent him from playing. We also learn that the family has already has to move once before because of Josh’s issues and there isn’t much improvement in his new school, but he is good at math.
When history seems to be repeating itself Julia, Josh’s sister tells their parents all the secrets Josh has confessed to her over the years and the school counsellor recommended that Josh see a specialist. His parents make him an appointment and it is there he is diagnosed with OCD and given medication for his anxiety. Although for a while nothing seems to change, he suddenly has a marginal amount of control over his obsessive thoughts.
Josh manages to make a great friend in Mage who is a strange girl herself, but she makes Josh feel like he doesn’t have to perfect all the time and that’s ok. As time goes on Josh decides to start a band with Mage and compete in the school talent show but we also see his mother definitely has OCD, but she isn’t willing to admit it or get treatment for it like Josh.
Josh decides to bring Julia into the band to complete it, however, his grades at school aren’t great and he begins worrying again but he has developed some coping and release mechanisms. In the end this book isn’t a journey of OCD, and Josh’s journey, it is about him seeing the world through his own eyes and understanding what he sees and getting others to understand him too. I really liked the fact that Josh wasn’t cured at the end of What If, but rather he was on the road to recovery with some very supportive people beside him.

As a person diagnosed with OCD, I appreciate times I can see myself in stories. This short story in verse helps to narratively explain OCD and to destigmatize treatment options. This piece is short enough to read in one sitting and still provide enough material to make a reader think.

I was provided an advanced copy oof this book in exchange for an honest opinion. This book was interesting. I've never read a book in this poetry style before, but it really worked. Anna brought to life the O.C.D. mind of a teenager very well, illustrating common worries and a way to push through those challenges. It was heart warming to see the family come together, and his friendship grow. This was a wonderful quick read to shed some light on a condition that affects many.

This is my second YA Verse from West 44 Books, and again I was blown away. I loved this story so much, it was so touching and I really felt for Josh. Yes, this is a 200 page book and it’s written in verse, and so it’s easy to think that it might not have a considerable amount of depth and meaning, and yet, this had both of those things. I adore the simplicity of YA Verse and think that it’s extremely refreshing to just have the most necessary words on the page. It offers such a unique experience in keeping the focus on the main characters and gives a sense of intimacy, as the less words there are, the more exposed the character feels in what we are actually given about them, if that makes sense.

Josh is our main character, and is one of the sweetest souls, he is struggling with his OCD and as a result, how to navigate his everyday life – at home and at school. Josh doesn’t fully understand what’s happening to him when he experiences his OCD symptoms, and so it’s almost impossible for him to try and explain to others how he is feeling. The author did an amazing job though, at making us feel as if we were inside Josh’s head, experiencing his symptoms along with him. The format really emphasizes how Josh is feeling, in a more visual way. For example, when Josh feels overwhelmed by something, the words themselves become very fragmented and scattered on the page, I thought that this was brilliant and just shows the creative freedom that writing in verse allows authors, “Joshua!”he screams. I shake my head. My body

m

o

v

e

s

even though I don’t tell it to.”

This book was so informative, regarding what it must feel like to have OCD on this scale, there were so many examples of Josh’s symptoms. We saw a lot of variations of the obsessions and compulsions that he experiences from day to day, all the what if’s that go through his mind, and so the title is very fitting, “But I couldn’t stop thinking. Until: 1. I knew how many cracks were in the ceiling…2. I checked my bedroom window. Unlock, open, close, lock…3. I mumbled all the words to Abbey Road without messing up”. It was lovely though to see how Josh has music as his safe space, something that really helps him get through the more difficult times, “When I’m drumming, things feel right. Like finally fitting a puzzle piece into its spot”. However, it is both sad and realistic, that he can never truly escape his thoughts, ‘you have to finish the song-or else. Something bad, bad, bad is going to happen. I guess sometimes my thoughts bother me here.’ Each person probably has their own unique experience and journey with OCD, but Josh’s was very eye opening and contained great detail, with his therapist offering some very helpful analogies for what’s happening to him. I think that this was done so well, because the author has their own personal experiences with OCD.

Despite the length of the book, I felt like I’d been on a huge journey with Josh, in many areas of his life. We see how Josh progresses at school – both academically and sociably, with his OCD and with his family. He has quite a lot that he’s dealing with, he’s struggling to get to his classes on time, because his compulsions are making him late, or he simply can’t bring himself to go to the lesson at all. He’s dealing with his OCD all alone, whilst also feeling intense guilt that he can’t meet his dad’s expectations and because he feels responsible for the family having to move away. He seems to have a very strained relationship with his father in particular, as he is very hard on him to do well in school and fails to even try to understand Josh’s difficulties. I thought that it was so important to show how Josh’s family reacts to his diagnosis, as it isn’t just Josh that has to come to terms with it, “Dad doesn’t think I need the medicine. “Well, just stop yourself from doing the— what are they called? The rituals. Yeah. Rituals. Now that you know, can’t you just… stop?”he asks…Mom isn’t sure about the medicine, and what it will do, either.” As the book progressed though we saw the family start to speak their truth and understand each other and there ends up being very touching scenes between Josh and his mum, and Josh and his dad! I’m a sucker for the development of family relationships in books, so this warmed my heart a great deal!

Josh’s OCD has made him see himself in a very negative light and he doesn’t have much confidence at all, “Who would like a freak like me anyway?”, this broke my heart because he’s just so pure and doesn’t deserve to feel this way. I was so delighted when a classmate approaches him and they strike up an adorable friendship, and she’s a poc, which made me squeal just a bit, it shouldn’t be so monumental in this day and age, but I still feel so happy when there’s a character who’s a poc. Mage is the cutest thing and I wouldn’t of chosen anyone else to befriend my Josh, “Hair tight in braids, deep brown skin, sparkles on her lips…“I’m Mage,” she says. “I’m new, too.” When I open my mouth, I realize I’m smiling around my words: “Um, yeah,” I say.” It’s not quite clear whether they think of each other as more than friends, but I enjoyed this, because their friendship was so amazing and I didn’t see any need for it to go further than it did. This was a powerful story documenting Josh’s experiences with his OCD and I heartily recommend it, especially to those who would like to learn more about it.

A teen with OCD that doesn't know he has OCD. this book was written in Verse format and was very good. Its Short but important and an amazing book.

Given to me on behalf of Netgalley, through the publisher in return for my honest opinion.

Josh Baker has thoughts, lots of What If? thoughts. It isn't until he sees a Dr. He finds out these thoughts and the rituals that come with them are effects of OCD - mental illness that often makes the brain feel like it is on repeat, and more. He also finds out how is Father views it, and a secret his mother has kept for so long. Through music though Josh learns to tell his story, who he is. Becoming unattached to the idea that he is his OCD. A senstive and inspiring novel of the effects of OCD on the brain and the body and the world around you. Written in a journal format making it feel that much more personal to the reader, and the characters. The author did a magnicicent job in the writing style, vocabulary, etc. I loved this novel and definately recommend for your 2019 TBR!!!