Being controlled by OCD, when Josh finally gets diagnosed it's a blessing and a curse as he has to come to terms with it and how to negotiate life with his illness taking his pills and getting treatment at last.



He makes friends with Mage a girl in his English classclass, he can trust and rely on after his dad moved them to this new area thanks to Josh failing school. Only drumming can calm his mind from OCD so when his friends make a band, it helps even more until his dad threatens to take it all away...



Told in verse, this book raises awareness of the impact that OCD can have on a person especially teens with the stress of school anyway without having any other problems. Raw and hard hitting to the point, a great book!



Many thanks to the publishers for allowing me to review this book for them!

I had a lot of hope for this book but sadly it didn't really do anything for me. There was so much potential in the story. There could have been so much more included in the narrative and I was a bit disappointed.
What if? follows Josh, who struggles with OCD. He loves music and is an awesome drummer. He starts to fall behind in school due to his undiagnosed OCD. Things, like opening his locker again and again, and never feeling like any of his work, is perfect just gets in the way of him doing his best at school. After Josh is diagnosed, his dad doesn't seem to understand why his OCD is a problem. And his mom seems to relate to Josh more than anyone knows.

The story is written in verse. Similar to Ellen Hopkins, if you've ever read anything by her. I normally love reading books that deal with mental illness which was why I picked this one up in the first place but this book was lacking substance and emotion. Everything felt rushed and happens way too quickly, and is spoken about so vaguely. It felt kind of like reading a sentence written like, "he went there and did this and then this happened." I didn't feel a connection to any of the characters at all which is very important to me as a reader. I'm sad to say that overall I didn't really enjoy this book and wouldn't recommend.

The download given was a short teaser of a full length story done in verse. I am interested in hearing a final version. I prefer audio when it comes to books done in verse. So far so good.

<i>What If</i>  by Anna Russell is the second bit of poetry fiction that I've read so far this week and I'm finding that I really enjoy this type of storytelling. Poetry collections are nice and all, but they are infinitely more appealing when they follow an actual story and plot. Young Joshua's grades have slipped and his family has moved to a new school where he finds himself stuck at his locker, opening and closing it exactly a hundred times before he can go to his class. He loves playing the drums but must complete a very specific set in order to ensure that nothing bad will happen to his sister.

Following, in a poetry format, the story of a young man as he learns to deal with his obsessive compulsive disorder, the book does an amazing job of capturing what it's like to live with this condition, the effects it has on one's family, and how it can take over one's every day life. I really enjoyed and appreciated the accurate portrayal of OCD as well as the poems in which they were described.

I'll admit, I didn't feel like there was really much plot to the story and it basically just followed a very simplistic, "get your grades up or you'll lose out on all these things" sort of path which, frankly, I have never found wholly interesting. While I do deeply appreciate the availability of a diversification for neuronal states, I never really felt deeply interested in Joshua's friend nor the talent show he wanted to participate in. Those just aren't my kind of books.

All in all, I think this poetry book was well written and a fun, quick read. I definitely think I'll be reading more like this in the future.

<i>I was provided a free copy of this book via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. </i>

The verse novel format worked well with this subject matter - a young boy struggling to make sense of his obsessive-compulsive behaviors. The spacing and repetition give the reader a glimpse into Josh's brain and how he must repeat rituals in order to feel okay. Definitely a good book for struggling readers at the middle or lower high school level. The white space, simple story line, and straight forward vocabulary make it easy to digest.

This was a stupidly quick read. But I thought the way OCD is presented was super unique and I loved the imagery of the rhythm to represent the never-ending flow of thoughts in our main character's brain. It just ended so quickly! I wish it had lingered on more plot lines rather than running through it at breakneck speed. Again though, this offers an insanely good representation of OCD and the irregular rhythm that goes along with it. If you come across it, definitely give it a skim.

A beautifully written poetry book, What If? is about a boy who is diagnosed with OCD and starting to find a method that makes it manageable. First, while I am generally not a fan of verse (I keep saying this, don't I, but I genuinely didn't know this was verse when I requested it) but it worked especially well for Josh's first person POV, as it gave us a view into the structure of his thoughts, the compulsions intertwined with regular thoughts and conversations, and also how music played such an important part in the process. It told a story of a boy who is intelligent and smart but can't focus because of his anxiety, and feeling pressured by his father who expects his kids to challenge themselves academically, hitting a low point in his academics, and then being counseled to a visit a psychiatrist, which is when he can begin the road to living with it. Even then, his therapy is realistic, recounting his challenges, and his limits, and acknowledging that it will be difficult explaining to others what it feels like, the thoughts looping around one another, but eventually what is needed is understanding and support from the people around you, instead of punishments and restrictions to temper what is seen as 'bad behaviour'. I especially liked a metaphor regarding accepting help - something that neuroatypical people or people with mental disorders find difficult to do - because it simultaneously makes that feel less burdensome and also provides a hopeful message.

When I first started reading 'What if' I wasn't prepared for the poetic format.
This style of writing is a new one for me and whilst I appreciate the creative direction I personally found the formatting disordered and chaotic to read.
The pacing was difficult to follow along and I realise that the formating styling and pacing may have been a deliberate attempt by the author to convey the true difficulty of living with OCD.
I found as a reader however it was not the easiest creative idea to follow along with.
The positives I did enjoy and relate to were the young man Josh's journey and discovery of his Obsessive Compulsive Disorder coming to terms with having a lifelong mental illness and the struggles and stigmas attached to OCD.
I felt part of his journey though like looking through a window into his world watching him adapt and grow with his family how they support amd interact with him with regards to his OCD and how his friends and support circle all experience life with him and his mental illness and it was truly eye opening and gave really good insight into ones world dealing with the ups and downs of this type of mental illness.
As a parent of two children with Autism this book mirrored similar moments in our families lives where mental health has broken us down but built us up again stronger than before. As a mom I can empathise and see Josh and his struggles in a different light having been on the other side as the caregiver of someone with a mental and neurological disorder.
In that regard I enjoyed being able to relate to the characters experiences and the families experiences and I thought the author did a brilliant job of encapsulating this aspect.
Overall the author crafted an integrated and well versed look into what one goes through when dealing with OCD.

Thanks to Netgalley and West 44 Books for and ARC copy in exchange for an honest review.

What if?
By Anna Russell
Due January 2019
West 44 Books

Short but important and impactful YA book about a young boy, Josh Baker, who has always been obsessed with counting things-over and over. He is intelligent, a math-wiz and a talented drummer, but his low grades constantly disappoint his father. When Josh is diagnosed with OCD it is a blessing and a curse.
Writing this in lyrical prose was brilliant-sharing with the reader the fragmented, often disjointed thinking patterns of OCD.
Excellent book, I hope it does well.
Thanks to NetGalley and West 44 Books for an advance ebook copy for review.
#WhatIf #NetGalley

What If is every thing I LOVE about verse. It's the perfect story for this format. It follows Joshua who wants to be a drummer. Seriously all he can think about is drumming and rock music. Until he finds out he's OCD, then he must navigate this new diagnosis and his life. This story is emotional, and wonderful. The verse format was the perfect way to translate Joshuas thought onto paper. I loved this story so much!

I wasn't a fan of the poetic format of this book. The main character and plot was also kind of boring? It was happy to read rep for OCD, but you can't love a book for rep alone (even though it was great). I'm sad about this one!

This one was my first verse read. It was interesting. I think author did really good job. It was quick and meaningful read.

Hello everyone!

I’m really excited for today’s post because I’m going to be reviewing What If? by Anna Russell (which I was able to read thanks to NetGalley and West 44 Books so thank you so much to the both of them for making this review possible!).

I want to say before I begin that this book does cover mental illness (OCD in particular) so if reading such material could be upsetting to you in any way, I would either wait until you feel you’re in a better place or skip out on reading this book (and review, since I will be discussing my thoughts about the story!) because your well-being is more important!

This book is interesting in format because it is written in verse and as we follow the main character Josh, I couldn’t help but think that his story (in discovering he has OCD) was so well told in this particular way. There is repetition in Josh’s words or actions (as someone with OCD may experience) and having the simple way of story telling (in my reading experience) made what Josh was going through that much more impactful.

I also enjoyed how What If? expresses what the stage in first discovering you have a mental illness is like. I feel that readers who may believe that they have mental health issues will be able to relate to Josh (as I did when I was reading and thinking back to my own experiences on the matter) in how learning this new thing about yourself can be scary and how people around you may need time to understand this as well.

Overall, I found this book to be a great read and I’m excited for its release in January of 2019. I believe many people can find a piece of themselves in Josh’s story and that the mental illness representation (although I do not have OCD myself) was well written.

I had high hopes for this book but the writing style is like poems and it is really hard to follow so i didnt even get to finish it. i was disappointed

This was a quick read book but it had a very interesting story line. This book is written in verse all about our main character Josh who suffers from OCD dealing with a new school and ultimately finding friends and his family's acceptance. I enjoyed this book because the little verses gave you enough information to know what was going on but still left you with enough slack to let your imagination take over and fill in the blanks however you'd like. I did like however how this book showed the struggle that not only Josh faced with his disease but also the struggles that his family went through in trying to help and understand him. Cute book. There aren't many books that can pack a huge punch with so little words and pages however Ann Russell somehow managed to do both. Great read.

*4,75 stars out of five*
<i>What if?</i> by Anna Russell is a poetry book about a kid, Joshua, affected by OCD.
He’s a teenager who’s just moved to a new school where he’s supposed to make new friends and start a new life.
But that isn’t exactly easy to him. Whenever Josh has to face a new situation his mind gets stuck. So he counts and repeats actions.
Nobody, not even his family, understands why he’s struggling so much to get good grades and adapt to the change.
Josh in fact still has now idea why he needs to lock and unlock his school locker so many times before he goes to class or why he needs to count to 100 for things to feel right.
That wasn’t until the teachers suggested he might need to be seen by a professional.
That’s when Josh finally has an answer to his questions.
He feels different, alone and he doesn’t tell anyone about his intrusive thoughts for fear of being abandoned. However Mage, his classmate, doesn’t seem to care about his oddities. She’s always beaming and understanding and that’s how their cute and genuine friendship begins.
Josh though is not just his condition, he likes the Beatles and maths and has a passion for playing drums. Together with his sister and Mage they start a rock band and that’s finally an environment where he feels safe and free to express himself.
But all chickens come home to roost, in fact the family’s responsibility for Josh’s struggles gets more evident as Josh tries to carve out his own space.
His father, who initially not only didn’t care about the diagnosis but also was even annoyed by this news, now actively works against his son’s attempts at establishing relationships.

Although the book was in the form of a collection of poems, it still read like a novel.
The modern poetry made it seem like a flow of thoughts and a description of what was going through Josh’s mind at the time things were happening.
The use of repetitions and the way the words were visually displayed on the page sort of helped explaining the rituals and intrusive thoughts also in a graphical way.
The narration was fluid and pretty accessible, since this read was ideated as a way to introduce OCD to those who’ve never come across it in their lives.

Josh is a vulnerable kid, troubled by things he cannot understand yet and that makes him question how much different he must appear to his peers. I enjoyed reading the story in Joshua’s perspective, it made it easier to understand for someone who doesn’t really have a clear idea of what OCD feels like.
Mage on the other hand must’ve been my favourite character: her never-ending cheerfulness made the entire scene brighter. Even Josh started opening up with her.

I really enjoyed this book and it gave me a better idea of what a person who’s diagnosed with OCD has to go through every single day.
This was eye-opening, especially since these days there’s either so much stigma around mental illnesses or they get to be romanticised and carelessly belittled.
I look forward to read more books from this author, because the style, although simple, still conveyed an important message without resulting too overwhelming.

I think the poem formatting threw me off on this book because it made me feel like there isn't much of a story to it. But I did like this book and how it explained OCD. I have never been around anyone (that I know of) that has OCD and this book explains very well what they go through. I like that the main character Josh is able to make a friend who likes him for who he is and that his dad is willing to understand him better instead of dismissing the whole thing.

Josh is a drummer, is good at maths and loves The Beatles. He also needs to count the cracks in the ceiling and perform specific rituals exactly the right way or something really bad will happen. Josh has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and that is why I needed to read this book.

I have a family member with OCD and I was the one that unofficially diagnosed them several years before someone qualified to do so concurred. Besides living with it I’ve spent countless hours researching OCD to try to get into this person’s head, to understand why the light switch has to be turned on and off so many times and why they’ve had a catalogue of obsessions and rituals, some constant and others morphing, over the years.

When I discovered this was a hi-lo book I was initially disappointed as my first hi-lo experience was a let down. I was pleasant surprised by this book though, finding the explanations of what OCD is and how it affects Josh’s everyday life easy to understand and accurate. I really liked Josh’s psychiatrist, who takes a perplexing condition and explains the basics in a down to earth way.

There are descriptions of Josh’s struggles before and after his diagnosis and I appreciated that his treatment was multifaceted. I did feel that Josh’s acceptance of his condition and how quickly he began to learn to manage it wandered into wishful thinking territory but acknowledge that that may be my experience talking.

I thought the information given to Josh about a family member towards the end of the book was obvious from the beginning but again I concede that my experience may account for my “I already knew that” moment. I loved that the other characters accepted Josh and tried to understand what he was going through and that his diagnosis wasn’t the end of the world, resulting instead in learning to manage it and accepting help from others.

I was interested in the characters’ stories but didn’t become emotionally invested with anyone. However I don’t think it’s fair to automatically expect a lifelong bond with characters you meet during such a short book.

While I would have liked the impact of Josh’s diagnosis on his family to be explored further I understood that the length of the book made a deep dive on the issues raised prohibitive. Similarly the impact of the death of another character’s parent was only lightly touched on. I loved the way that music was woven through the story.

I really liked that this book was told in verse; the way it was written made poetry more accessible than anything I came across in high school. Besides its intended purpose as a hi-lo book I think ‘What If?’ would also be a helpful introduction to OCD for teens who have recently been diagnosed and their family members regardless of their reading level.

Thank you to NetGalley and West 44 Books for the opportunity to read this book. I would give this book 3.5 stars but am rounding up.