Breaking Bonds

Pub Date:   |   Archive Date: 07 Mar 2019

Member Reviews

A very accessible hands-0n book that will help any woman coming out of an abusive relationship. The language is straight forward and the advice given is so valuable. A must for anyone who needs healing after a relationship with physical or verbal abuse
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A fine example of a self help book that delves into the world behind closed doors and the abuse that goes unnoticed until it's almost too late.
Many live in fear daily. Fear to leave abusive situations. Fear of facing reality. Fear of being shamed and blamed. Fear of retaliation and fear of the future.
So often we stay silenced because of the constant threats, intimidation, blackmail, and abuse.
Yet we must speak out and tell our stories and not be afraid to seek help in escaping this vicious cycle.
It cannot stop until the survivor says 'enough' and finds a way to get out quickly, safely, and securely.
This is a clear cut book that explains not only how to do so but also how to look at why it all began and what the course of action shall be upon exiting out of such a toxic situation.
As someone who now councils others dealing with NPD and Domestic Violence I can tell you that much of what I read here was spot on and noteworthy.
It's vital to develop and escape plan or safety plan and inform those closest to you of your intentions. It's further important to have a strategy in place, document, and begin legal proceedings if necessary. 
What I don't recall being mentioned is protection from abuse orders and I apologize if it was and I missed it. I for one filed this much needed paperwork but it's a false sense of security as it doesn't prevent a bullet nor prevent one from necessarily being abuse further.
What must be noted is that narcissists do hoover and will come back and many perpetrators will do the same through love bombing and telling you everything you ever wished and hoped to have.
So please stay healthy, get plenty of wellness, make sure you address your needs and find a way to love yourself.
Check your self esteem and know that you are loved and needed.
Prioritize and put yourself and your needs first and make sure you know that in trying to hide abuse if you have kids you weren't truly hiding anything. As a matter of fact kids have a sense when something is off so please make sure everyone gets the proper help they all may require in the end.
I can write a book myself on this topic but I hope this book will serve as a necessary guide for all those in need.
Thank you to Rosemary, the publisher, NetGalley, and Aldiko for this ARC in exchange for this honest review.
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“You, as much as anybody in the entire Universe, deserve your love and affection.” - Buddha

Breaking Bonds is an all-in-one self-help book that is ideal for anyone considering or is in the process of ending an abusive marriage or relationship. Initially, victims of abuse may be in denial about whether their experiences were abusive, whether their experiences were as bad as they felt they were, or whether they provoked their abuser. Abusers are masters at grooming their partners. They remain in control by altering their victim’s reality; they keep them in the fog via gas-lighting, use flying monkeys to shame victims for speaking up, shift the blame by holding their partners to a standard of perfection while never being accountable for their grievances, and isolate their victims from anyone who would support them in ending the relationship. The struggle intensifies if the abuser is a narcissist since their public version is the opposite of who they are at home when no one is watching. A heavy price is paid in private for the pedestal their victim is placed on in the eyes of the public and more importantly because the victim has protected the imagine of the abuser people find it hard to believe they have remained in the relationship if things were as bad as they are saying it was. 

“No man is good enough to govern any woman without her consent.” – Susan B Anthony

This book will help victims identify their abuser’s tactics and validate their experiences. What stood out the most was the author’s spiritual perspective and advice. A common misconception is that victims must remain in abusive marriages to please God. The author not only discredits this theory, “God hates violence more than he hates divorce,” but she expands to discuss the multilayered long-term repercussions of remaining in a toxic environment. For example, the effects of children witnessing the abuse and health issues such as auto-immune disorders heart disease, cancer, and so much more; “anger that remains unexpressed or is dealt with ineffectively will turn inward.” This book walks victims through the process of growing in self-love, something that most likely is nonexistent because of the abuse and incorporating words of affirmation into one’s daily routine. This book is the first step towards awareness. Abuse does not have to be physical to be destructive and many times is downplayed by the victim to cope with the circumstance and is conveniently downplayed by the abuser to convince the victim that they are overemotional and have a false perception of reality. Emotional abuse and verbal attacks compromise one’s well being. I would highly recommend this book because it’s light enough to help victims validate their experiences which is the first step. I would follow this book with many other wonderful eye-opening books that are out there such as, Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie Vernick, The Body keeps Score by Bessel van derk Kolk, Boundaries by Henry Cloud, Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kregger, One Mom’s Battle (IG & FB), and all the blog posts/books by HG Tudor. The quotes included in each chapter were amazing and I clipped 90% of them. 

“The true warrior is not immune to fear. She fights in spite of it.” – Francesca Lia Block
“It is time to honor and protect yourself. You are worthy of being treated with dignity, kindness, and respect. You deserve to be loved, happy, and safe. So, resolve right now to stop letting someone victimize you. Decide that you are no longer going to be a victim.”
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Some very sound and insightful advice for any woman (abused or not) going through a divorce.  I’m sure that readers, like myself, will find some commonalities and comfort in recognizing that they truly are not alone in their heartbreaking experiences.
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