One of the not so hidden secrets of the world of conservative Evangelicalism writ large involves the challenge of interpersonal relationships among men and women. There are marriage relationships, of course, as well as parent-child relationships. But when it comes to how men and women relate to each other in general, it seems as if the concerns regarding sexual transgression have become so predominant in everyone’s thinking that no space has been given for unmarried, non-biologically related men and women to relate to each other.

Bronwyn Lea wrote regarding this state of affairs and what to do about it in Beyond Awkward Side Hugs: Living as Christian Brothers and Sisters in a Sex-Crazed World.

The author first set forth the problem: the ironic way in which conservative Evangelical culture mirrored secular culture in terms of the over-sexualization of all relationships and thus the intrinsic awkwardness when it comes to having men and women relate to one another within a church context. The author then considered the Biblical witness regarding bodies and human sexuality and then set forth her essential thesis: Christians do well to truly see and treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ, and the sibling relationship is key to properly understanding how Christians should relate to one another.

What would that mean for the biological nuclear family, or Christians who are married to each other? The author then addressed how biological family is to sit within the context of church family, and how husbands and wives can well treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ. She considered how unmarried men and women in churches could well relate as brothers and sisters in Christ.

The immediate response in concern is manifest: what about those who transgress sexually because of such things? The author considers the horror stories of adultery within churches, providing counsel regarding those situations; just as importantly, if not more so, she reminds us all how the abuse of a thing does not make the thing itself wrong, and maintaining so much concern about transgressions in relationships can hinder the proper and appropriate development of those relationships. She also provided some encouragement in terms of dating and sexual stewardship in a church context.

The book came out in 2020, and in some ways reflects a conservative but centrist perspective in Evangelicalism which has not well endured or survived by the mid-2020s. She quotes the kind of array of sources which it would be difficult imagining much of anyone quoting anymore. The “conservative but centrist” perspective helps explain the subtext (“…in a sex-crazed world”) despite the awkwardness of how it seems plenty in the world have been better able to figure out platonic male-female relationships in ways which seemingly have escaped the world of conservative Evangelicalism writ large. That’s probably because at least aspects of the world are, in fact, less “sex crazed” than much of what passes for conservative Evangelicalism.

Nevertheless, the issues the author raises remain quite important and salient in congregational contexts. Far too often, men somewhat relate with fellow men, and women generally do decently at relating with fellow women, but the gender segregation in churches remains quite stark and apparent in a way very much at variance with the kind of congregational cultures manifest in the witness of the New Testament. To that end, this is a helpful resource to consider so we might move beyond awkward relationships as brothers and sisters in Christ.

First, thank you @tlcbooktours and @thomasnelson for the gifted copy to read and review! I truly appreciate it!
Next: where to start with this book? It took me a while to finish it because there was so much good information to digest and process. Author Bronwyn Lea’s book addresses the complex topic of relationships between men and women, married and unmarried people, and familial community within the church. She answers questions such as: how do we keep relationships with the opposite sex healthy and still maintain a close friendship/kinship with our brother or sister in Christ? How can married people develop close friendships with single people and vice versa? What does true, Christ-like intimacy look like within the church?

I don’t think any description I give can do this book justice. It’s obvious the author dived deep into research and addressed each topic from various angles and from a good biblical perspective. I don’t know much about this author, but I will definitely read anything else she writes. Whether you are single, newly married, married for 20+ years, or anything else in between, I would highly recommend this book to pick up!

I tried several times to finish this book, but unfortunately, I couldn't get past the term "genital sexuality" and the content in Part 1. While I do believe this is a topic that needs to be discussed in the church, I think it could be done without digging into Freud and using such graphic language.

Beyond Awkward Side Hugs was a thought-provoking read. I wasn't sure about the book before I started it (it sounded good, but wasn't sure that it would be what I hoped), but I'm happy to say that it was really good.

The author had some interesting ideas and I found myself thinking about things in different ways - not saying I agree 100% with everything, but it was intriguing.

All in all, Beyond Awkward Side Hugs was worth the read and I'm glad I read it.

*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.* (less) [edit]

Unique book dealing with a seemingly taboo subject. Recommended reading especially for pastors and church leaders 😊

What a GOOD book. Bronwyn addresses a common issue in churches - Male-female relationships. She builds a theological framework for relationships that is compelling and clear. She encourages her reader to relate to others based on our common family bond in Christ and a framework of chastity instead of fear and cultural expectations. This book is practical, theologically rich and a joy to read. I highly recommend it!

While I found this book to be all over the place, I love every single bit of it. The reminder of being brothers and sister in Christ and what that actually means was wonderful. Looking at how we worry about men and women alone together when it possible to just see them as friends and where Christians began to believe this was sinful. It was extremely well-written and I loved the anecdotes the author provided.

If you think this book isn’t for you, think again. Whether you’re married or single, whether you’re just entering those awkward dating years or they’re a distant speck in your rear-view mirror or you’re somewhere in between, I guarantee you’ll be challenged to think about how you relate to your brothers and sisters in Christ, particularly those of the opposite sex. And it all begins by recognising that, in our hypersexualised culture, “our default setting is to hear the language of love, desire, and intimacy as sexual.”

In contrast to the world’s sexually-charged relationship paradigm, the Bible’s language when it speaks about fellow-believers is familial, and not in a metaphoric sense. We are literal, if not biological, brothers and sisters, and this should be our paradigm for relationships among believers. Lea’s argument unfolds logically, thoughtfully, and with a sound application of Scripture, and her manner is engaging and honest, frequently drawing on anecdotes and cultural references to illustrate her points.

Lea doesn’t dismiss the potential for chastely-intended friendships to go astray, but she makes a strong case for not starting the conversation with worst-case scenarios in mind. Rather than asking “How can we avoid sexual sin?” she argues we should begin by asking “How can men and women live in relationship as God intended?” Accordingly, this little gem is both a how-to and a why-to, and I highly recommend it.

This book has a lot of good information, however it is a deep read. I found it being deeper theologically and theoretically than I expected and so it took a lot to read it. There were definitely parts that I found easier to process than others.