Cover Image: You Are the One You've Been Waiting For

You Are the One You've Been Waiting For

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Member Reviews

"You Are the One You've Been Waiting For" provides a profound exploration of love, intimacy, and personal growth. Dr. Schwartz's wisdom and compassionate approach make this book a must-read for anyone seeking to cultivate healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
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Read this book years ago, and it continues to remain a classic. I love IFS and often use it in my clinical work as well as daily life.
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Richard Schwartz, Ph.D.'s new book presents a novel approach to cultivating healthy relationships. Drawing on his extensive experience in Internal Family Systems therapy, the author challenges conventional beliefs around the causes of relationship problems. Instead, he suggests that the root of these issues lies in the psyche's multiple parts, and that resolving them requires a different kind of inner work. Through engaging and accessible prose, the book provides essential insights and practical tools to help readers foster healthy dialogue with their inner selves and their partners. With its emphasis on courage, resilience, and self-leadership, this book offers a fresh and empowering perspective on love and intimacy that will resonate with anyone seeking to deepen their connections with others.
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You Are the One You've Been Waiting For by Richard Schwartz, Ph.D is a broad range overview of his theory of Internal Family Systems and its application to our experiences in intimate partner relationships. IFS makes the assertion that our psyches are made up of different parts of us (inner child, inner critic, shadow self, etc) and by understanding and accepting all our parts we are made more mentally and emotionally healthy. The parts of us we so often deny or reject need to feel seen, heard, and understood in order for us to integrate all of our inner voices and to lead a more fulfilled life. As a result of integration of our parts, we are also better able to enjoy more rewarding relationships. 

I really loved No Bad Parts and feel that You Are the One You've Been Waiting For is an expansion of that first book. Dr. Schwartz provides us with case study examples from couples he has counseled using the techniques of IFS. The goal is for each person in a couple system to recognize how they may be bringing exiled parts of themselves into the relationship with their partner while unconsciously wishing for their partner to rescue or fix them. Dr. Schwartz reminds us that we have to take the lead towards witnessing and integrating our parts, a process he calls self leadership. When we allow our Self to become the primary caretaker of our exiled parts we can enjoy our lover for who they are and not who we want them to be. This then leads to more understanding, safety, and intimacy in the relationship. This healing process also results in both parties of a couple system feeling seen, understood, and accepted. 

I loved the analysis of The Gottman Institute 4 Horseman of Communication and appreciated the points made about how placating behaviors are not addressed in this model. Dr. Schwartz reminds readers that people who change themselves or abandon self in order to be loved by a partner are playing a one-down game that will have drastic consequences for their mental and emotional health and well-being. 

This book is a very helpful addition to the literature on working with couples . Therapists will learn practical new tools and an accessible, creative approach to the work and readers will learn a lot about how to improve their relationships. 

Thank you to the author and publisher for the e-arc copy!
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