thank you netgalley, unnamed press, and elle nash for this e-arc!

trigger warnings // miscarriages, abortion, abuse, animal cruelty, body horror

“deliver me” by elle nash unveils a haunting tale in which a woman named dee-dee obsessively pursues the expectations society & her church have placed upon her. she works in a chicken slaughterhouse, and the author vividly depicts the grotesque process, with disturbing elements intensifying as the story unfolds. as we go on, we gradually uncover dee-deeʼs deep-seated anguish—an agony born from enduring three heartbreaking miscarriages. now, as she senses the possibility of pregnancy once more, dee-dee is determined to make it perfect this time. she attends pregnancy classes, purchases baby clothes, and meticulously prepares everything, all in her quest to become the flawless mother she so envies when she looks at her childhood friend, sloan.

this is how it was presented to me by netgalley. i thought it would be a literary fiction piece about motherhood and how our beliefs/religion influence our self-perception, with a focus on character study of dee-dee. but it was not just that. there were numerous disturbing moments that made me think it could be a great A24 film. let me give you one example, and itʼs just the tip of the iceberg in terms of unsettling content: a scene involving sucking on a used tampon, right out of the v. i nearly felt nauseous, and i believed that would be the limit, but elle nash said, “hold my beer.”

apart from those elements, i appreciated how parallelism or foreshadowing, whatever it was, came into play here. there were moments when nash introduced seemingly random scenes that would initially unsettle you but later reveal their symbolism, potentially tied to dee-deeʼs actions. it went more insane as i progressed through chapters, and honestly, it gave me a great experience and various facial expressions. 😂

this book is also a conversation starter, as it contains social commentaries on religion, motherhood, poverty, abuse, generational trauma, and the standards imposed on women.

i donʼt want this to be lengthy (but i really want to talk about everything!) as it wonʼt be released until oct 3rd. if youʼre seeking something unique to read next month, i hope you consider picking this up. also, please make sure to review its trigger warnings before delving into it.

There were strong aspects to the book (the tone, the characters, the themes), but overall this one didn't do it for me. The forward propulsion pulling me through the story wasn't there. It was too much vibes and not enough plot/story. It's definitely very dark, but that didn't necessarily put me off. I just couldn't get into it or feel a deep connection to the material.

Karl Ove Knausgaard wrote in his recent collection of essays, In the Land of the Cyclops, that he used to enjoy reading detective novels and thrillers. However, he came to realize that these stories don’t have the same literary heft as the classics of literature. From what I can recall, he stopped reading dime store novels. That’s a shame because there are mystery stories out there that deal with literary themes: Raymond Chandler’s The Long Goodbye is a book about writing books — the whodunnit plays a secondary role in that novel. Elle Nash’s forthcoming Deliver Me is another one of those books that could be construed as a “thriller”: her publicist has taken to calling the book a “literary thriller” in fact. Nash goes a long way to proving that those two terms are not mutually exclusive. Deliver Me plays like a feminine version of Southern Gothic: it’s the tale of white trash in the Ozarks trying to eke out a living. It’s also a book about the competition women face when it comes to birthing children. This is — as the cliché goes — a book about a lot of things. However, given the grimy origins of the read, this could be a thriller that Knausgaard would be happy to read and get immersed in. He even might enjoy it on an intellectual level

Deliver Me tells the story of a woman named Daisy (or Dee-Dee by her mother) who works in a meat processing factory in rural Missouri that kills 50,000 chickens a day. She lives with an ex-con named Daddy who has a fetish for exotic insects and breeds them on his own. One day, Daisy’s high-school friend and would-be lover, Sloane, moves into the apartment above her. Sloane is pregnant, which is the cause of a great deal of envy on Daisy’s part because she has been trying to get pregnant herself. After her fifth miscarriage, Daisy decides to keep up the rouse that she’s still expecting — causing reality and fantasy to blur as the months go along and Daisy is supposed to be getting bigger. Also playing into this mix is Daisy’s mother, who is hoping to pull her adult child back into her evangelical church — especially now that there’s a grandchild supposedly on the way. Thus, the thrills in Deliver Me amount to watching Daisy try to pull off the feat of convincing her family and friends that she is, indeed, expecting with child.

What did I think of this novel? Well, it wasn’t exactly my cup of tea. It comes from a small press I had never heard of but happens to have a few award winners in its stable of writers. Will Deliver Me win awards? Maybe. Especially if there are any awards given to works of literature that will gross you out. Deliver Me is a very grotesque novel — and I mean it is extremely guh-ross at times. I’m going to spare you the gory details for now but as someone who grew up on a steady diet of Stephen King, even I felt like throwing up in my mouth a little bit as I read this novel. That said, if you can look past this, there are admirable things about the read. It’s nice to get the female point-of-view in a work that is of a Southern Gothic nature. Nash makes rural Wal-Mart Country come to life in unique and memorable ways. Daddy’s bug collection is a nasty metaphor for the poverty and violence that many Southerners must endure. I also was quite taken by the last third of the book or so, as Daisy manages to keep fooling everyone — even with a fake belly plastered to her abdomen. The only thing that turned me off (aside from the gross bits) was the religious angle. I felt that it didn’t add much to the story, except to show how futile evangelical Christianity can be as a balm for those living in abject strive.

That all said, if Deliver Me is one thing, it is daring. This is a highly unusual and very creative piece of writing, and it certainly is not mainstream. So it’s nice to see that there’s a publisher out there willing to take a chance on works that deviate from the norm to some extent. I did worry that some of the bits that may give readers their own version of morning sickness may have been too much, but I suppose that is the point of the work: to shock and titillate. To that end, Deliver Me is a thriller. However, it is also literary, and is, yes, true to the press release. Literary fiction includes works that take chances, which this book ultimately does. So, will you like this novel? Well, if you like to place your bets on books to read that are different, then you will get a lot of mileage out of this one. But you must be brave. Deliver Me is not for the squeamish. You may never look at tampons the same way again (enough said). In the end, this novel should go a long way to silencing those critics, like Knausgaard, who claim that thrill rides have no merit. Because this one — warts and all — does. It’s not a book for everybody, and there are probably going to be some fuddy-duddies out there who might want to burn all copies of this trashy bit of high art. Here’s hoping, though, that Deliver Me can find its audience among women who view pregnancy not as a celebration of life, but as a competition that must be endured on the route to motherhood. Strange but beguiling this one is.

DNF - I noped out at the guy (Daddy) needing cockroaches to crawl on him while having sex. This book needs so many trigger warnings lol.

Well......be prepared to be fully grossed out by this fantastic piece of fiction.

I don't know how to review this and convey the awesomeness and greatness of the writing. Elle Nash is basically a master of body horror and morbid, VERY VERY morbid writing but it's just written in a voice that is hard to find.

This is beyond words.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers for the opportunity to read and review this book.

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I AM SPEECHLESS... You know when a book cover is super misleading??? Yeah, holy friggin shirtballs.
I am just beyond myself. I am SO thankful to Unnamed Press, Elle Nash, and Netgalley for granting me advanced physical and digital access before October 3, 2023... This is probably one of the most effed-up, yet amazingly astounding books I've read this year, and I stand by that.

Daisy, or Dee-Dee, desperately wants to be pregnant and after several dozen miscarriages and zero support from her boyfriend, mother, and employer, she becomes quite desperate in her attempts, desiring to fit in with other pregnant women in small-town Missouri. Her Pentecostal upbringing and dangerous job at the slaughterhouse give her tons of trauma, and it's taken to the limit, when her ex-best friend, Sloane, from church-going days moves into the apartment above her, flaunting her newly pregnant belly and wooing her going-nowhere boyfriend.

This strikes so many nerves in Dee-Dee who just wants to be a mother, to give birth to a child that will love her the way her mother never loved her. So she enrolls in some birthing classes at the local hospital, wears a prosthetic belly, and even abducts Sloane's toddler in order to feel something. And what she does at the end will have you sitting with your jaw dropped for awhile.

Elle Nash is a genius and she shocked me to my core and I still can't stop thinking of this Bible Belt-Gothic horror.

Thank you to NetGalley, Unnamed Press, and Elle Nash for this ARC!

“Cults come and go,” he said, “but the Pentecostal Church is forever.”

Holy shit… I don’t even know how to comprehend what I’ve just read. This book is so chocked full of religious abuse, trauma, toxic relationships, bug fetishes, and yearning for a life that you can never have. Daisy’s story will definitely be imprinted in my mind for a while, this is one of those books that you can never forget; even if you wanted to so badly.

This is my first Elle Nash book, so I’m just going to praise her for the way she had my emotions all over the place in this story, some parts I was so sad over the story, next thing you know it’s making my stomach churn and making me feel nauseous. This book had it’s shortcomings, some scenes and chapters went on for WAY too long. But regardless of that this book is still a really really REALLY good story about religious abuse from parents, and its affect it has on the children that have to bare this curse. As some would say, Christian love is the most harmful type of love known to man.

If you find yourself wanting to read this book, LOOK UP THE TRIGGER WARNINGS!!! There’s so many common triggers in this book so be wary. Anyhow, if you like body horror, toxic relationships between friends, family, and lovers; and how it blossoms into sometimes grotesque endings, I’d say go for it and pre-order a copy of Deliver me.

"In a meatpacking facility in the Missouri Ozarks, Dee-Dee and her co-workers kill and butcher 40,000 chickens in a single shift. The work is repetitive and brutal, with each stab and cut a punishment to her hands and joints, but Dee-Dee's more concerned with what's happening inside her body. After a series of devastating miscarriages, Dee-Dee has found herself pregnant, and she is determined to carry this child to term."

*triggers for animal cruelty, graphic/strange sex scenes*

I loved this book. Very dark and descriptive and it definitely stayed with me. This book had my curiosity from the beginning, between her strange boyfriend whom she called "Daddy", her pregnancy, her job, and her past growing up in an old fashioned Pentecostal Church with a God-fearing mother. An old friend also comes back into her life bringing an interesting dynamic. I found myself turning every page not sure what I would find but hungry for more.

Elle Nash's previous novel and her short stories were never shy of the seamier side of life, but at least there was usually a certain dark, trashy glamour to it - or, in the grimmer short stories, the knowledge that you weren't sticking around too long. Whereas this is just too much of a grind for me. The lead works in a meatpacking plant that's every bit as unpleasant as you'd expect, suffering miscarriages while hoping that if she finally succeeds in having a baby maybe her evangelical mother might stop being so horrible, or her deadbeat boyfriend might start acting like he cares about anything but his bugs. Which also feature in the obligatory weird sex scenes, and again, while Nash's previous variations on the theme of fucked-up fucking were generally OK by me, I just never thought of those Indiana Jones scenes in that way, so no ta. Even the reappearance of the girl with whom she had an adolescent thing only seems to kick off fresh waves of misery. I know for some people 'unflinching' is the greatest compliment they can pay a work of art, and they may well go for this, but it's not my bag.

(Netgalley ARC)

I just finished "Deliver Me" by Elle Nash, and I'm here for this mind-bending journey. If you're up for something a little indie, atmospherically creepy, and a sprinkle of body horror - this one's for you.

Imagine watching a movie like "Where the Heart Is," but with dysfunctional families that are overzealously religious, and everyone has emotional baggage and poor hygiene.

I loved that title has more than one meaning - it plays on both the spiritual angle with the fanatical church's salvation mission and the freaky obsession with pregnancy.

Let me tell you, the unease was real! The author spun this eerie web of dual timelines that had me glued from start to finish. And the ending? Total "Woom" vibes. So if you're down for a thought provoking mind trip that'll leave you deliciously uncomfortable, "Deliver Me" is your next must-read.

FIrst of all, the cover is BEAUTIFUL. THe plot is developed so well and clues the reader in bit by bit masterfully. The characters were engaging and developed well. The prose was descriptive and beautiful. I was a little unsure of the topic when I got this from NetGalley, but I am so glad I read it. This is an author to keep an eye on.

This was my first book I've read from author Elle Nash and after reading Deliver Me, I really need to look into their back catalog. This was grimy and dark and the main character was so infuriating that I couldn't help but just read about how far she'd go next. This was unique and I'm glad I read it. Thank you to the publisher for this advanced copy.

If you like books along the lines of “ bunny “ etc you should check out this wonderfully weird book ….. it’s horrifying disturbing in a good way ….this book is feeling with morally gray characters that you shouldn’t care what happens to them but you can’t help but care and literally everyone is an unreliable narrorator but again again you can’t help but binge this book …. it’s def a book you could read multiple times and get a little more out of each and every time you read it …. def check the trigger warnings esp when it comes to sexually based material but if you think you can’t be affected by a book and you have everything figured out about a book from the start, I promise this one continues to keep you guessing and question morality and what makes things right or wrong..

**Book Review: A Dark and Poignant Journey into Desperation**

As I immersed myself in the pages of this novel, I couldn't help but feel a deep sympathy for Dee-Dee, despite the complex choices she makes and the troubling events she finds herself entangled in. Her yearning for love, motherhood, and acceptance resonates profoundly, making her a character you can't help but empathize with. In a way, she reminded me of Pearl, evoking a shared sense of vulnerability.

The narrative drew me in from the beginning, and at a certain point, I had an inkling of where the story might lead – a revelation that left me both stunned and intrigued by the direction Dee-Dee's life would take. The author's skill in crafting a compelling protagonist kept my interest engaged throughout.

The book delves into a range of intense themes and subjects, which might require some caution before delving in. It deftly balances between depicting harsh realities and veering into what some may perceive as gratuitous territory. However, it's important to note that the narrative explores topics such as poverty, trauma, religious control, misogyny, and classism with a deliberate intent, shedding light on the complexities surrounding these issues.

At the core of the story lies Dee-Dee's journey – a woman scarred by the confines of her upbringing within the Pentecostal church and an abusive family dynamic. Her aspirations for motherhood and a better life drive her, even as she navigates a dead-end job at a slaughterhouse and an abusive relationship. The novel's exploration of intergenerational trauma and the ways in which religion can be wielded as a tool of control offers compelling social commentary.

Despite its strengths, I couldn't help but feel that the excessive violence and gore detracted from the overall impact of the narrative. This overshadowed the thought-provoking themes and character development, and the story's ending became somewhat predictable. The book could benefit from additional editing to address inconsistencies and typos that momentarily disrupted the reading experience.

In conclusion, "Deliverance" effectively delves into the intricate psyche of its protagonist, Dee-Dee, exploring her journey through abandonment, attachment, and the pursuit of breaking the cycle of trauma. Its social commentary on religious manipulation, misogyny, and classism adds depth to the narrative. While the writing and themes are engaging, the overwhelming violence and need for additional editing slightly diminish the overall impact. This novel is not for the faint of heart, delving into the darkest corners of human experience, yet it offers a unique perspective on the complexities of seeking redemption and transformation.

If I could describe this book in a few words I'd say:

Psychological
Love
Abuse
Religious
Carnal
Repulsing
Unbecoming

Without spoiling anything, I just want to say that this was a refreshing literary experience that punches you right in the gut and forces you to be more observant and empathetic towards human behavior. The plot was severely tragic and sad.

Thank you to NetGalley and the publishers for the ARC!

4 stars!

I finished this not long ago and my mind is still thinking about it. You can’t help but feel some sort of sympathy for Dee-Dee despite some of the stuff that happens. Don’t get me wrong, she isn’t innocent nor a character to be rooting for with some of the stuff she does, but reading how much she yearns to be loved, to be a mother, to have someone just show affection to her, her desperate attempts to make this pregnancy carry through, you feel for her. She reminded me of Pearl weirdly enough, you can’t help but feel for them both.

I clued in what the end was going to be like at one point of the book and thought. “OMFG This is really going to happen?!” I was compelled to know more about Dee-Dee and how her life would go and my interest was caught from the start.

Very descriptive of many different things: so please read TW before diving in to make sure this will be an okay read for you.

Honestly is one of the most disturbing books I've ever read and I loved it! There's such an undercurrent of anxiety running throughout the entirety of the book, but it's mostly about a girl who wants to be loved and the lengths she'll go to to get it. Highly recommend if it sounds intriguing to you! 4.5**

This takes steps beyond a fever dream into a waking nightmare.

This was a fantastic reflection on how conservative Christianity warps the expectations of women and motherhood, the cycle of poverty and abuse, and the insanity that is the experience of pregnancy.

Our protagonist Dee Dee is enigmatic and bizarre.

What this story does is so well executed, but there is so much graphic violence, body horror, trauma and disturbing imagery that it is a hell of a journey to get there.

3.5 - rounded up to 4 *

Final point - Dee Dee only referring to her partner as Daddy was so disturbing, and caused me to nearly DNF at the beginning of the book.

Thank you to NetGalley and Unnamed Press for this ARC. This was my first read by Nash and color me impressed. Deliver Me was truly horrific and it made me cringe several times. There is a lot of trigger warnings in this book and it definitely not for the faint of heart.

I rated this one 3 stars because some parts I found boring and I skimmed them. The writing was great, but definitely took some getting used to.

I’ve read Nash’s other three novels about bulimia, Satanism, and creepy-close female friendships. This immediately starts way less teenage, polished like a stake—but the MC’s involved in butchering steaks. No blood, just squishy, peachy fat to trim. The voice has a drawl when it comes to pace rather than spelling since the MC is a southern 30-something who grew up very religious. She believes she’s pregnant now (despite five miscarriages) to her shady boyfriend dubbed Daddy, but she’s more concerned about getting fatter than the logistics. With the MC DeeDee her mom’s “tongue clucking” about not trying to conceive before marriage, I assume this book will be one about her toppling the pedestal she put her mom on (though that advice is obviously just, hardly a pious opinion). This prose is so gorgeous, stainless, sultry, it seems to have aged a decade in Italy to ripen in fields w/ the most peculiarly pretty creepy-crawlies. The Pentecostal rituals can be flummoxing to an outsider but that’s the point w/ the flashback POV of a child holding down young, pretty Sloane pretending like a game to snarl in tongues to be saved.

“This underpinning of anxiety showed up one day like a rock in my shoe.” Crying over chicken corpses, letting cockroaches crawl over her nakedness because your slow boyfriend loves them more than her. She is so naive but not at all contemptible, always wanting a things to live despite the crushing forces of church-arrogant mothers, ex-con freak lovers. Wanting to care for a janky-eyed kitten, DeeDee discovers her long lost friend is her new neighbor, dragging up memories of jealousy, arousal, reptilian preachers. I love how subtle and show vs tell all the commentary on Christianity, blue collar jobs, parenting styles, and government is. Not preachy at all, just presented in a way to make obvious inferences. Something I always notice in Nash’s work is the beautifully obsessive nature towards food despite often writing characters with body image problems. This character is described as doughy and not all that pretty or youthful, which is a nice change up without being virtue-signaling like many people try to make a quota of. There’s also the good seesaw of thoughts foreshadowing what will come next and suitable for the pauses that come, say, waiting at the doctor’s to get weighed.

The prose is also very tied to the body in fiercely realistic ways: the vicious description of passing blood clots, the constantly enflamed pits, the slapping of bra marks on the skin, the hard press of seasonal wind on hipbones and paper-toweled lips. Even when someone is sucking a bloated tampon, it’s poetic!! What a feat, lol. Or on a smaller scale, shoveling in fast food to manifest a pregnancy with the look at first. Maybe it’s because I relate so much to the MC’s bi- and loneliness, her lack of motherhood despite wanting it so bad, or any familial connection at all, but it’s so rare to find a likable MC whose contradictions I don’t pick apart. Nor antagonists who walk the protagonist line, but are painted so I hate them exactly as I should for all their gray life decisions. The way the relationship is posed is realistic without being whiney, portraying the ping-ponging of “He’s bad at…but at least he…”

Even when the MC is unhinged I’m here for it because it’s hella entertaining and oftentimes darkly funny. It is so rare I read a five star book, something I have virtually no suggestions for. Sure, sometimes the dialogue doesn’t connect but I think that’s a me thing (not talking about the metaphysical talks but the cold responses Daddy or Sloane give that don’t 100% match w/ the question asked). Yet these are complex, tortured characters from a part of the country I have no association with, so I think it has to do w/ growing up that way. 80% in, something unspeakable happens but I hold out hope it’s practice for the MC doing something worse to someone who actually deserves it. Holy Hell does 90% in get morbid (I understand the hair-trigger bad ratings now), but it’s a great metaphor. I can’t say I didn’t suspect how it would end but that is just a piece of the finale. Perhaps I would have liked a few more sentences once the POV shifts, but the reason for it is laid out plain enough.