Lysa Terkeurst's new book I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t - Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment is a book for those of us that have a hard time with trust and forgiveness. I don't know about you, but that is me, unfortunately. Having dealt with some big and little hurts and sometimes it seems things don't change, but we don't have to stay stuck in a cycle. She reminds us through her personal story and experiences what she learned and what God has to say in His Word. Some of these chapters I need to reread because they are so full of helpful information. Wow, that bonus chapter is on point to what I needed about organizations that hurt! This book has helped me to see where I have been wrong in my reactions to certain things and reminds me I don't have control and can't change people. There is only One who can!

Now this isn't a Bible study or a theology of the Word about forgiveness, but it did remind me where I need to go to truth and where my help does come from and where I need to turn to. I found this book helpful, and it helped me to see some things I didn't understand. So read it as a memoir or having a coffee with a friend type of conversation. I do think this would make a great small group book discussion, as I know many who also struggle in this area, too. Each chapter ends with questions and Scripture to meditate on that go with the chapter to help you process and apply to your life.

Here a few highlights I took, though there are many more:

The trauma of having your trust broken by people you thought would never betray you is life altering. But it doesn't have to be life ruining.

We aren't made to let skepticism be our primary filter through which we see God and others.

Is this a warning that could protect me? Or is this a war in my mind that I need to work through?

It is okay for us to need more information. It is okay for us to ask questions and verify what is true. It is okay for us to be honest about what we can and cannot handle.

You're not a bad person or a crazy person for having uncertainties around trust. You're a person who takes relationships seriously and who wants to invest your heart deeply in the right ways with the right people.

We shouldn't place our trust in our feelings and just follow our own hearts without God's truth guiding us, challenging us, and giving us the right path forward.

Red flags we ignore don't typically fix themselves - they just get to be more and more of an issue.

We aren't to enable or excuse away behaviors that go against the wisdom of God. We are to be discerning.

If the person who betrayed you plays the victim, it's probably not wise to try and rebuild trust with them until their underlying issues are addressed.

Looking for the fruit of someone's actions is the best way to determine if they are serious about rebuilding that trust.

I guess anyone can be an actor and put on a good show. Trust me, I've seen some addicts and some narcissists that deserve an Academy Award.

There can be grace in this process, but it shouldn't be sloppy grace where deceptions are glossed over.

The best thing we can do is trust God with their consequences while making sure we don't get lured into sinful choices trying to right the wrongs.

In whatever we are facing, we don't want to do wrong things to try to bring about right things. We can commit to keep our hearts pure and place our trust in the safest place - with God. He doesn't leave sin unaddressed...

Even in the silence, the unknown, and the places where it looks like evil is winning, He is working. We may experience evil in this world, even still, God reigns over evil. There is a Savior of the world who will right all the wrongs. Even if it takes a really long time and even if I don't see it in my lifetime.

People are never more powerful than God...and while there will always be gaps in the trust we have with people, there are no gaps in the trustworthiness of God.

The very best way to refute the hurtful things others have said and done is for us to go on and live a great life.

Whatever other people sow into their lives is what they will reap. Whatever they tried to sow into your life is not what you will reap unless you decide to take the bad seeds and plant them into your own heart and mind.

Want to Trust You, but I Don't oct 8

Have you ever had a hard time trusting people who have hurt you in the past? Lysa (the author)has, and she discusses how trusting people who have hurt us is hard and that we have an learned avoidance of people and situations where we have been hurt before and we avoid them.

She even had brain scans that show that her and other people living with trauma called "trauma survivors" have a different brain than those whose brains are healthy.

Lisa discusses the process of neuroception Dr. Stephen Porges - "Essentially, neuroception is the process by which neural circuits determine whether a situation or person is safe, dangerous, or life-threatening.
As opposed to perception, which which is a cognitive thought, neuroception involves brain processes that work outside of conscious awareness.
Neuroceptive evaluations can occur extremely quickly and without your knowledge. If social cues trigger a neuroception of safety, our bodies enter a calm behavioral state. We feel calm and can easily engage with others socially or attend to issues.  .  .  . When situations appear risky, the specific areas of the brain regulating defense strategies are activated. Then even neutral or social behavior is met with aggression or withdrawal instinctively.6 Well, that explains why I’m constantly trying to evaluate safety before connection. If someone feels unsafe to me, I withdraw."

This quote helps to explain why people with trust issues react the way they do.

You will learn why we have trust issues, how to avoid people you shouldn't trust and how to deal with healing your issues along with a host of examples in these areas.

A spectacular resource for overcoming trust issues with God after being betrayed by untrustworthy people in your life. The author writes from an authentic place after her husband repeatedly cheated on her, leading to divorce, then after their remarriage, continued to cheat. Helpful and inspiring!

I received an arc copy of this book from Net Galley in exchange for my honest opinion of it. This book certainly came at a perfect time in my life as I am dealing with this issue.

I always love Lysa’s book. It is so hard to trust people after that was broken. It’s a very gentle and compassionate book and also very vulnerable. I felt so many feelings reading and convicted about how I haven’t let go of past hurt. You can’t heal alone.

I received an arc from NetGalley and this is my honest opinion.

While every situation of hurt and doubt may be different this book provides helpful tools, scripture, and prayers to assist the Christian through times of doubt and trust issues.

Loved the Remember, Reflect, Receive and prayer sections at the end of the Chapters as well. Sound scriptural advice.

I Want to Trust You, but I Don't
by Lisa TerKeurst
Pub Date: October 8, 2024
Thanks to the author, publisher and NetGalley for the ARC of this book in exchange for my honest opinion.
It came along as I was dealing with the issues addressed in this book so I was doubly blessed.
Moving Forward When You’re Skeptical of Others, Afraid of What God Will Allow, and Doubtful of Your Own Discernment
How can you live well and step into the future when you keep stumbling over trust issues? Lysa TerKeurst says it's not simply about finding better people to walk with. It's about developing the stability you long for within yourself and with God, so you don't become cynical and carry a broken belief system into every new relationship. In I Want to Trust You, But I Don't, Lysa shows you how t0;

identify which of the eleven relational red flags are stirring up distrust, so you can pinpoint why you're feeling uneasy; stop having more faith in your fears coming true than God coming through for you by asking crucial "what if" questions to better process your doubts; recognize when a fractured relationship can be repaired by considering a reasonable list of characteristics necessary for rebuilding trust; and understand the physical, emotional, and neurological impact of the betrayals you've experienced and start healing from the inside out.
Well Done, Lisa! I recommend this book highly!

I eagerly read everything Lysa TerKeurst writes. Her words resonate deeply because she has personally experienced the challenges she discusses, providing authentic and godly insights. Lysa’s teaching is firmly rooted in the Bible, offering profound advice on healing from deep pain. While I haven’t faced the same struggles of pain and distrust, I recognize that everyone encounters imperfections in life. When that time comes, I will undoubtedly revisit this book to navigate through it. Lysa’s approach is wonderfully gentle, respecting each reader’s unique pace of healing. I highly recommend this book to everyone and am deeply grateful for Lysa’s vulnerability once again.

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for my honest review.

One thing I know from reading Lysa Terkeurst is that she has walked through or is walking through what she is teaching. Lysa teaches from the Bible and while I’m not there yet with my trust issues, I’m learning and using the information Lysa uses in this book to grow. Have Kleenex handy as you dig deep into God’s Word and learn how to overcome trust issues one step at a time. I recommend this book to everyone because we all have trust issues on some level.

I received an advanced reader’s copy from Nelson Books and Netgalley. All opinions are my own.

Lysa’s new book “I Want to Trust You, But I Don’t” is a book written for people who have navigated the shipwrecked waters of hurt and broken trust and are ready to move forward in rebellious resiliency. This book is gentle and compassionate while also unflinchingly honest and deeply vulnerable. Broken trust hurts deeply and unfortunately- as Lysa points out, trust cannot be healed in isolation.

I hardly have words for how fervently I will recommend this book to all who know me. It was not what I expected and also, It’s exactly what I needed. Here is a brief overview:

Lysa opens the book with a discussion on the all too familiar feeling of giving up on ever trusting again. She then moves into something so deeply human: is my mistrust evidence of my discernment or am I just triggered and how do I tell the difference? This chapter was so validating, but chapter three might compete for most helpful- she gives a working vocabulary for identifying red flags and what to do with them when you spot them. I greatly appreciated the nuance and compassion Lysa brought to this chapter. The next chapter is all about repairing rips and tears in our trust. Lysa does not promise a quick or painless recovery; instead, she stands with the broken in quiet solidarity and shines light on the next right thing— which, incidentally is the topic of discussion in the following chapter. Her next two chapters are hard edged and raw as she pulls back the curtains in her own mind and directly confronts the impossible questions suffering uncovered about God. These aren’t questions any human alive can possibly be immune to asking in moments of sorrow, but her act of bravely speaking them aloud robs them of the power they have to cripple us. Chapter 8 is a mirror - what we can’t trust, we try to control and a moving discussion on how and why that’s not always a good thing for you OR cultivating healthy thriving relationships. The last two chapters and conclusion are possibly my absolute favorite. As you walk in healing and learning to trust again, you find glimmers and sparks of hope. We learn to dance again. These chapters were such a delightful way to close up the book and to see that nothing is ever wasted.

One of the best books and so timely. Lysa’s words and wisdom rise up against the hard edges of her story and rebelliously dares to trust again. I’m so thankful she’s chosen to share what’s she’s learned with the world. Surrounded by grievous wounds and endless stories of hurt in the world, this book was surely written for such a time as this.

I’d like to thank Thomas Nelson and NetGalley for the eARC in exchange for my honest review. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

I’m not going to say this book was bad, but it felt like one big depressing moment. Lysa has been through some hard times and it’s wonderful she wants to keep sharing them in her books and trying to help others. I just feel like it’s nothing new. There were some good techniques and insight but since I am not in this situation it was very repetitive for me. I would say a wonderful resource for those with trust issues and down in the dumps, but it just gave me the blues!