5 stars

First, I want to acknowledge that I'm writing this review as a neurotypical individual who teaches at an institution with a robust, respected program for autistic students. While I cannot empathize with Schembari's story, I made nonstop connections to the experiences I've heard from many of my students, and I deeply sympathized with many of the instances relayed here.

Schembari reveals her lifelong experiences throughout this gripping text, and her title is a great place to look for the punchline. The endgame is not a full resolution but a better understanding and explanation of her experiences and why she is the way she is, especially in relation to others. Schembari talks in depth about the way she encounters the world and how her perspective seems to differ so much from what she perceives to be typical of others. There are relationship challenges, social struggles, and everyday concerns including everything from itchy tags to constant threats of overstimulation and insensitivity. Schembari successfully takes readers right into these experiences, revealing the full sensations and scope of emotions and outcomes. These scenes can feel overwhelming to read, which makes readers even more attuned to how difficult they must be to live.

I listened to the audiobook, and I cannot recommend this version enough when and where accessible. Hearing Schembari tell her own story adds to the obvious authenticity of her work and experiences. My hope is that we'll hear more from this author, whether the focus is on her or on the motif in general.

I haven’t related this much to a book in a while. I’ve been thinking for a while about wanting to seek a formal autism diagnosis and then feeling silly like, what would a formal diagnosis even do anyway since I perform well and overachieve at work, but I think the authors story told me the why through her storytelling about her journey of late diagnosis.

Thank you so much to Macmillan audio for my gifted audiobook and eARC in exchange for my honest review!