Worth The Wait

"Claudia Connor writes the kind of romance I love the most. Warm, realistic, steamy and heartfelt." Kristan Higgins, NYT Bestselling Author

"This is MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE Claudia Connor book!!! YES, I love Matt to death! Stephen was BEAUTIFULLY frustrating (totally my kind of man), and who in their right mind wouldn't fall in love with JT, he's perfection!!! But NICK...Oh MY GAWD NICK!!!!! He is the combination of ALL THREE!! Claudia has managed to create my perfect man. And Mia will shove all other women aside and nuzzle right into your heart. It's absolutely everything I love and so much more!" --- JB Salsbury, NYT Bestselling Author

Meet Nick Walker in the excerpts below from Worth The Risk.

Hannah walked into the main room, noting the way Zach was slumped comfortably on her couch, in contrast to Luke’s coiled energy in a nearby chair. Both content to let Nick cook.

“Hey, Nicky.” Zach waggled an empty beer can over his head. “Bring me another one while you’re up, would you?”

Nick sent a deadly look over his shoulder from where he stood at the stove. “I’m not up, ass wipe. I’m cooking your dinner.”

Hannah took the can as she passed. “I thought firemen were supposed to know how to cook.”

Zach settled deeper and propped his feet on the coffee table. “Who says I don’t? But why would I when Nick’s so good at it?”

Nick cursed under his breath. “You better hope you find a woman who’s into nurturing.”

“Nurturing?” Luke sipped his beer. “He needs to be nursed. Look at him. He wouldn’t even dress himself if it wasn’t required by law.”

“Who says I do dress myself, Skywalker? Had some very beautiful help this morning.”

“Eww.” Hannah scrunched her nose, returning with the beer. “TMI, Zach.”

“Who was it this time?” Luke asked. “Candy? Brandy? Mandy? You’re like a fucking Dr. Seuss.”

Zach grinned, twisting off the bottle top. “You forgot Bambi.”

“That doesn’t rhyme, idiot.”

Zach countered with a pillow flung hard at Luke’s face, almost knocking over a lamp.

“Boys. I’m going to be pissed if you break something.” Her warning didn’t stop Luke from chucking it right back. Not that she wasn’t used to it. Her brothers were here more often than not.

They said it was cleaner. True, but it was more because they liked to check on things. Doors, windows, locks. And before they left tonight, one, or all of them, would double-check that her handgun was loaded and within easy reach. Learning to shoot, getting a license to carry so she could take it in her car, had been big-brother nonnegotiable.

They’d remind her to make sure her phone was charged and on. Then they’d stand outside, refusing to leave the porch until they heard the click of deadbolts. A revolving show of male protectiveness all done in love to make her feel safer. Though really, it just reminded her of all the reasons she needed to be scared. Of what could happen when she wasn’t as careful as she should be. What had happened.

When the last dish was dried and put away, Luke and Zach excused themselves. Hannah sat on the front porch swing with Nick and watched the two sets of taillights get swallowed up by the trees. He was always the last to leave, but soon he’d go too.

She’d moved out of his house to be on her own, not necessarily to be alone. Being without Max was harder than she’d thought. Coming into the house after dark to utter silence lonelier than she’d imagined. But this was her life. She refused to be bothered by it. Maybe she’d get another dog. A rescue dog. But not yet.

Crickets chirped and the wind made a barely-there sound. It’d be a loud rush when the trees were full of leaves. The supporting chains groaned in protest, then gave in to the steady back-and-forth rhythm as Nick rocked them with his foot. This was the same swing that had been on their parents’ porch. The same one her mother had rocked her on at night. A story she’d begged her brother to retell over the years.

Nick laid his arm on the back of the swing. “So, how was your weekend? You were hard to catch up with.”

“It was good.”

“What’s her name?”

“Whose?”

“The friend you were shopping with.”

The swing squeaked back and forth in the quiet while he waited.

“Must be a good friend to spend all day. Same friend you went to dinner with a last week?”

More waiting, until the breath she’d been holding huffed out. “Okay. Fine. You got me. Damn, they must really love you in interrogation.”

Nick didn’t laugh. “Who were you with? Though I’ve got a pretty good idea since you didn’t tell me.”

“He apologized.”

“I know. I was there.”

“Then he brought his niece out to ride. I’d offered and—”

“He used his niece?” Nick made a disgusted sound. “Nice.”

“He didn’t use her. His sister-in-law called him and asked for a ride.”

“And you’re defending him. What time did you get home?”

“Do I have a curfew?”

“Hannah—”

“Sorry. I’m sorry.” Nick worried when she didn’t call, and in his line of work he didn’t need his thoughts and attention divided. “We walked around, went to dinner after a movie, then I came home. Alone. I met him there, or he met me. I didn’t even think he’d show.”

“Of course he’d show. He’d have to be a complete idiot to—” He sighed long and hard. “Never mind. Just . . . God, you’re twenty-six, but this is hard. I don’t trust him. I don’t know him.”

“Well, I could always date someone you do know. Another agent? Someone at Zach’s firehouse?”

“Over my dead body.”

She smiled at his emphatic answer. “Don’t worry. Anyone you guys know would rather shoot themselves in the ass than make a move on me.” She pulled her feet up under her. “I know it’s hard. It’s hard for me too, but . . . I need to try, you know?” Nick didn’t answer, but she knew he got it, even if he didn’t like it. “You know, I don’t remember a time when you were just a big brother. What did you think when Mom told you she was pregnant?”

“Shit. I pretty much tried not to think about it. We all did. We were teenage boys and it was . . . shocking. The thought of Mom and Dad . . . I couldn’t look her in the eye for a week.”

She heard the smile in his voice and she was glad for it. He didn’t smile enough. They’d had great parents. Her brothers had loved them and missed them in a way she couldn’t.

Nick chuckled under his breath.

“What?”

“Just thinking how she used to make us change your diaper. Said it would make us better fathers. Dad said it would teach us to keep it in our pants. Damn, we had some good fights over who got stuck watching you.”

“Then you all got stuck.”

The steady motion of the swing hitched. “I didn’t mean it like that, Han. And I didn’t mind so much then. None of us did.”

“I know.” And she did. He’d never made her feel like a burden.

He gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Plus, you were housebroken by then.”

“Remember how you all used to monster-proof my room? You were the dragon slayer.”

“Yep. Dallas was the cootie catcher. Luke was the laser.”

“And what was Zach?”

“The zapper.”

“Yeah. That’s right.” She rested her head against his shoulder. Her big, strong brothers, who she’d always known would protect her.

She hadn’t known back then that people were the worst monsters.

***

“I’m not letting that asshole hurt you,” Nick said.

Would he hurt her? Maybe. Probably. But last night he’d made her feel amazing. Beyond amazing. Was it all because he felt guilty for before?

“He has a reputation, Han. He’s not the kind of guy to—”

“To what? You can say it. To want a girl who looks like me?”

“Jesus, Hannah. No!”

“Then what? He’s seen my scars. Have you?”

Nick pressed his fingers against his temples. “Don’t do this.”

She put her foot on the end of the couch and opened her robe, showing leg from the knee down. She watched Nick’s nostrils flare with his internal battle not to look away. “You can’t even look at them.”

He stared at the towel in his hand. “That’s not true.”

“It is.” And even though she understood, it hurt.

“You’re past all that.”

“Am I? How can I be past it when you remind me every single day?”

He opened his mouth to deny it.

“You do, Nick. I’m sorry but you do.” Tears and her own guilt clogged her throat, but she had to say it. “Every time you warn me. Every worried look reminds me of what I did and how it hurt you. And you’re so afraid it will happen again, you make me afraid. I’m tired of being afraid, Nick.”

She shook her head. “I don’t need a reminder. I’m reminded every single day of what happened. What I did. Every time I look at myself, every time I move and something aches. But how can I trust myself when you don’t trust me?”

“It’s not that, it’s just . . .” Nick sank into the couch, resting his forearms on his knees. Guilt emanated until she thought she might choke on it.

“Look.” She laid a hand on his burdened shoulder. “I know you love me. I never knew my mother, never even knew I had one, and you filled that role, you—”

“You knew.”

“What?”

“You knew about having a mother. I held you in that church next to three teenage boys all determined not to shed a tear. But as they pushed the caskets by . . . even at two years old you were smart enough to know and you screamed for her. God, you screamed, until I thought the stained glass in the windows would shatter. You cried for weeks, months, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do.”

She looked at the man who’d been everything to her. Her parents. Her brother. Her hero. “You did it. You were there.” But he needed to let go, just a little, for both their sakes.

“Mia thinks Stephen might be good for me.”

“I don’t give a damn what Mia thinks.”

“Why? Why would you say that?”

“Because I... Nothing. I just don’t like that you kept it a secret.”

Maybe, but she was still surprised by the level of animosity. He’d loved Mia once. “What’s the deal, Nick?”

“There is no deal. It was a long time ago and I had a lot going on. Doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. Especially since I was the lot going on.”

“I don’t want to talk about Mia.”

She cocked her head at him. “No. You want to talk about Stephen.”

“Damn it.” Nick dropped his head in his hands. “I really hate that guy.”

She couldn’t help but smile at her large-and-in-charge brother’s pouty tone. “It must be hard for you, so used to giving orders and watching people jump.”

He gave her a look.

“You know I’m right. And I’m glad. I love my scary FBI brother. But you have to know it’s not going to translate here.” She motioned between the two of them. “I need to act normal, do normal things, if I ever want to feel normal. And I do, Nick. I’ve been doing more hiding than living. Stephen makes me forget.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. That you’ll forget. That you’ll get hurt.” His phone buzzed and he checked the screen. “Shit. I have to go.”

“That’s fine. I have an appointment to get ready for.”

He stood. “Don’t see him anymore, Hannah. Don’t give me one more thing to worry about.”

“Make things right with Mia. Don’t give me one more thing to feel guilty about.”

He showed no sign he meant to comply. Neither did she.