Loving Your Spouse When You Feel Like Walking Away

When my husband and I endured a brief separation, one of Dr. Gary Chapman‘s books was a lifeline of hope for me. I was thrilled to review this revision of a book he wrote over 10 years ago.

This powerful book offers hope for couples dealing with larger-than-normal marriage problems. If I had had it when I was struggling the most in my marriage, it would have given me the hope and help I was desperately seeking from others who could not understand.

Here are the main marriage issues covered in this book:

Irresponsibility
Workaholism
Depression
Controlling Tendencies
Verbal Abuse
Physical Abuse
Sexual Abuse
Lack of Communication
Infidelity
Addiction

In my own difficult marriage I have dealt with several of these heavy-hitting issues. Speaking from experience, I can say that Dr. Chapman’s advice is solid and strong. His tone is firm yet compassionate, which is what you need to hear when your marriage problems are tough.

I appreciate the fact that he says I can change myself but not my husband, and that one-sided change can work change in the marriage. Not every example he gives in the book ends happily. Some of the couples he counseled ended up divorcing. But others persisted in difficult marriages and thrived despite the challenges. I am proud to belong to that group of champions.

Here is a sampling of inspiring quotes from this book:

"In the darkest night of a miserable marriage, there is always a flickering light."
"Your inability to change your spouse must be laid alongside your very real ability to influence a spouse for better or for worse."
"You can learn to acknowledge your negative emotions but not to follow them."
"Choose the higher road by asking such questions as: What is best…right…good…loving? You can allow your actions to be controlled by these noble thoughts."
"You know well that time alone does not heal the troublesome behaviors we have described in this book. Perhaps this knowledge will encourage you to take a new approach."

If you know someone struggling with major marriage issues, do them a favor and recommend this life-giving book to them. You just might offer the hope they are desperately seeking.

I am grateful to Moody Publishers for a free review copy of this excellent book.

I love Gary Chapman books. The Five Love Languages of Apology has improved my marriage significantly and even helps my communication with my kids.

I requested Loving Your Spouse because I have a few people in my life who are struggling with whether or not to keep going in their marriage. I felt the examples and solutions to typical marriage troubles in this book were really insightful and were things people can easily implement.

However, I do wish there was a hard line drawn on abuse in marriages. The Bible says it's okay to leave abusive marriages, and I don't believe anyone should feel pressure to stay in one.

I've recently read The Five Love Languages of Children and have used the information to help strenghten my relationship with my children. So I was interested to read more books by Gary Chapman. The book considers a number of different marriage problems and suggests way you can change your behaviour that may lead to a favourable change in your spouse. I think the book will be beneficial for many people who may not consider looking at the book due to the title that suggests it is only for people who are thinking of leaving. I suspect it is a book that I'll return to in the future to help strenghten my marriage.

This book is extensive in the amount of relationship issues that it covers. Everyone can relate to at least one at some point in their lives! The information is presented in a clear and concise loving way. Reasons and responses are given to help the reader better understand what’s going on both in themselves and in their spouse. What would make this book better was if it included more scripture. I have some Biblical Soul Care background and I found myself wishing there was more biblical response included. It’s very psychological in approach. The book is super helpful and was very interesting to read.
I received a copy of this book from netgalley and the publisher. This has in no way influenced my review. All thoughts are my own.