Not a Proper Child

Haunting, horrifying and unfortunately true. From an early age Nicky Nicholls is abused by her grandfather and uncle. When she goes to live with her mother she is bashed repeatedly and sent off to a paedophile ring. She is told and believes she is not a proper child.
She joins the Army but is unable to fit in with her terrifying dreams, low self worth and lack of social skills. She finds alcohol and there she finds solace. Alcohol and drugs are her only friends as she lives homeless, occasional stays under arrest and in mental institutions.
It is only when she is prison that she finds friendship and a helpful warden who recognises her song writing and artistic talents.
The abuse she suffers and the way her mental state suffers is extremely well told, emotional and raw, raw, raw. Here is a woman traumatised, unable to cope and not till later in life able to tell someone of her past. It has a happy ending which makes her journey so much more impressive.

This book broke my heart. I have to be honest and say I could not finish it. It reminded me too much of what I have been through.

Thank you to the publishers for letting me read this ARC in exchange for an honest review.

Not a Proper Child was a very difficult read to anybody that is a survivor of abuse. With that said though, after reading the book I'm at a loss for words at her remarkable recovery and triumphs in life.

I am not a big fan of giving feedback and ruining the story for future readers, this book will definitely stick with you after reading it!

Wow this book is a heartbreaking look at a life of abuse and addiction that almost destroyed the author of this book. This story is a horrific tale of a child and an adult who was failed by the system in every way possible but some how has managed to come out the other side.

This poor sweetie child . I feel so sad for the little girl in this book. So much abuse. It does not surprised that she drowns in drink. I do think those cops must have been like the ones in my town. They never investigated that death, just blamed poor Nicky. Do you ever find Carrie again? I would recommend this. I enjoyed it . Many parts made me cry. Some parts reminded me of my own Grand Dad . ( Do not know why I am forced to call the man that after doing that )

First of all, this is an extremely hard book to read. At first I was so angry that I wanted to throw the book across the room and basically DNF it! Then I reminded myself ,I wasn't being fair due to the fact that it took MUCH courage and strength to tell her story. At least, I owe her that much dignity to hear out her painful story. So I buckled down and "heard" her. She wasn't doing this to get sympathy . This book is brutally raw and and honest. You'll see her side of the story without any sugarcoat or excuse. This is her story to help others understand abuse, alcoholism, mental illness, no life structures, inner turmoil, and redemption. And guess what? She made it and she's accepted who she is and she knows she'll be okay. I'd rather have her over for dinner over a movie star anyday. I'm standing up and giving her the applaud of her life. Why? Because she's just like us and deserves to be loved just like us.

Warning: This requires at least a box of tissues. This is one of the books that will break your heart .

Just when I thought the treatment of this child couldn't get worse, it did. I was angriest with the family members who knew it was happening, but turned away from her. As she matured and began to make terrible decisions fueled by self-hatred, grief, and addiction, I found myself so frequently saying,"No, no, no, Nicky. Don't do that!" but considering how deeply affected she was by alcohol, her actions made perfect sense. I felt I was watching a terrible accident, but I couldn't turn away.

I was impressed by the number of people who tried to help her, and truly did in fact, whether it be through the mental health or prison systems. Because of these people her gift for art, composition, and singing were developed.

I would like to be able to tie all of this in a bow and say there will be a happy ending. I wish the author all the best; however, given the amount of abuse and pain she endured, so much of her recovery may be even more of an uphill battle than it is for most. She is obviously an exceptional woman with a deep reserve of strength. She is going to need it.

This is one of the most tragic and sad books I have ever read. It demonstrates a huge amount of courage on the part of Nicky Nichols in being able to write her story to share her life with the world, bearing in mind she was unable to divulge to anyone in life what had happened to her until she reached her mid-50’s.
Without wanting to give any spoilers, it shows how ‘the abused becomes the abuser’ in the case of her mother, how a person will often continue to abuse for a lifetime unless they are stopped in the case of her grandfather and how devastating effects of child abuse can be well into adulthood, with Nicky, even more so when not discussed and help is not given.
Nicky is so brave and it is such a shame she was not given help sooner. I am sure she could have done wonderful things with the life and would have been so much happier if the truth had come out sooner.
Thank you to NetGalley for a Kindle copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

I cannot imagine the courage it took for Nicky to share her story. This book is raw and details the abuse and setbacks that Nicky suffered all through her life, but also her success. This was an emotional and motivational read! Highly recommend!

What a powerful this was not an easy read as the author had a horrible a childhood which led to a very hard adulthood as the author blame herself for things that happened. Also she kept having flash backs of the abuse at the hands of her grandfather, her uncle and even a ring of child abusers. What is sad is most people try to say what she experienced as a child is new but there is nothing new and this author had this happen to her over 60 years ago not in the present day. This book should be a wake up call to people that some of the homeless we see out in our streets are partially due things done to them as children and are still learning to handle the memories from it. I highly recommend this book but know it is not an easy read.

This story is so moving I found it hard to comprehend how Nicky kept going. She must have a strong spirit. To have suffered so much and yet still managed to find her way. Her art and music have been a great solace and maybe have kept her alive as the only way to express anything over the years.
We all as humans need a crutch in times of trouble and drink and drugs are horrifyingly easy to become addicted to.
There are so many stories of abused children it makes the world a dark and horrifying place but the ability to share with others will hopefully some day bring justice to those that carry it out.
Nicky has done amazingly well and I wish her every happiness for the future.

Not a Proper Child
by Nicky Nicholls and Elizabeth Sheppard
Mirror Books
Biographies & Memoirs , Nonfiction (Adult)
Pub Date 06 Sep 2018
I am reviewing a copy of Not A Proper Child through Mirror Books and Netgalley:
As a newborn Nicky was left in a box outside of Stokes City Football Ground, her Grandparents found her and took her into their home, but what she would find in that home was far from love! Her Mom takes her from time to time but even she beats her. Her Grandfather and her Uncle sexually assault her.


Nicky’s life was marred by tragedy and abuse, leaving her more and more afraid as the abuse escalated and her dreams of a happy home were shattered again and again.


Because of her broken.life, Nicky turned to alcohol becoming a homeless alcoholic, she ended up in prison in 1965 and witnessed the arrival of Moors Murderer Myra Hindley, she decided then to move beyond her past and built a better life for her.

I give Not A Proper Child five out of five stars!


Happy Reading!