How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others and Be Genuinely Happy
by Melissa Ambrosini
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Pub Date 11 May 2021 | Archive Date 06 Jun 2022
Multiple bestselling author Melissa Ambrosini (Mastering Your Mean Girl, Open Wide, PurposeFULL) and host of the #1 podcast The Melissa Ambrosini Show puts the condition of Comparisonitis under the microscope, unpacking the symptoms, and offering practical tips you can start using immediately to break the cycle of comparison, free up mental bandwidth, and live life on your own terms.
When you cure Comparisonitis, you will…
• Be free to live your life for you (no one else)
• Feel peace from within
• Experience genuine happiness
• Truly appreciate your body and life
• Free up SO much mental bandwidth for things you LOVE
• Quit beating yourself up
• Have more energy to go after the things that truly matter to you
• Experience a radical shift towards authenticity
• Be a better friend, partner, parent, family member, colleague, human
• Free yourself from expectations
• Unleash the courage to go after your dreams
• Unstifle your creativity
• Feel more liberated than you've ever felt in your life
• And much more
It creeps up on you without warning—perhaps while chatting with a friend, scrolling through social media, or even just while walking down the street.
All it takes is the hint of someone doing or having something you perceive as "better" than you, and it hits. A feeling takes over—intense, blinding, gutting. Your brain starts spinning with toxic thoughts about yourself (or others), and you're left feeling ashamed, guilty, and even worthless.
It's called comparisonitis. And if you've suffered from it, you're NOT alone.
Comparisonitis is a contagious, socially transmitted condition that occurs when you compare yourself to others so frequently and fiercely that you're left paralyzed, with your confidence in tatters and your self-worth plummeting. It may sound trivial, but this affliction can have serious adverse effects on our mental health, leading to depression, anxiety, overthinking, and regret.
To make matters worse, our comparison culture is only expanding. Thanks to social media, we have more opportunities to compare ourselves than ever before, and even kids are falling into the trap.
Described as a "self-help guru" by Elle magazine, Melissa has experienced the effects of comparisonitis first hand, having worked extensively in industries like acting, modeling and dancing where comparison culture is not only rampant but openly encouraged.
Melissa knows all too well how comparisonitis is infecting our minds and hurting our hearts, and in this book, she'll help you heal from this disease, liberate your headspace, and raise your self-worth so radically that you'll never let comparison rob you of your joy and happiness again.
A Note From the Publisher
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Average rating from 25 members
I received "Comparisonitis" by Melissa Ambrosini as a review copy on Netgalley from BenBella books, so I would love to start by thanking them. I do also want to mention, that although I received this book as a review copy, I do only give you my honest opinion and review of this book.
First of all, I have to comment on the title because it is just amazing! I love that title!
I love that even though this is a serious and important topic to be taken seriously, Melissa Ambrosini makes some smart moves, being humourous in this book. Comparison is a difficult topic to discuss and especially to try and come up with a solution.
Sometimes, or most often, we do not realize it when we compare ourselves to someone else. We need a wake-up call to even realize that. And even when we realize, it is hard to stop this comparison. It just sticks with you.
The book is divided into three sections: the problem, the prescription, and the remedies and antidotes. In these different sections, Melissa Ambrosini guides you and helps you to succeed in your process! In the book, Melissa Ambrosini furthermore gives you some techniques you can start using today to stop comparing yourself all the time.
This is a book you can read multiple times, and I am sure you will learn a lot every time you read it.
This is a book we can all identify with and understand! And I love that Melissa Ambrosini uses herself and her stories to make them seem even more applicable to us as readers. This was a very positive read for me, and I certainly learned a lot!
Melissa Ambrosini writes engagingly and humorously. I love her writing style!
This book was received as an ARC from BenBella books in exchange for an honest review. Opinions and thoughts expressed in this review are completely my own.
There is no positive word in the English Dictionary that describes how fabulous this book was. Melissa Ambrosini writes another brilliant book on the main problem that not only women struggle with but everybody in some way shape or form. I have read Open Wide and Mastering Your Inner Mean Girl and was blown away on how much I related to all of the personal stories and content she included in the books. With comparisonitis, I felt like Melissa was one of my good friends and she was calming me down and encouraging me after a meltdown and I have never got that personal connection from any author ever! Not only will I add all of her books to our collection at our library but they will be worth the investment for my personal collection also.
We will consider adding this title to our Self-Help collection at our library. That is why we give this book 5 stars.
A book in need indeed.
No matter how hard we try to convince ourselves that we are doing our best, we always find ourselves comparing ourselves with those with more "followers", more "likes" and more "deals" when what we don't actually see is how they have started and struggled their way out.
This book provides a good insight on how we compare ourselves with the "successful" people everytime we scroll through our social media feed and putting ourselves down making ourselves stress out for nothing.
Does it do anything good by the way?
I face the same dilemma almost everyday. But it needs some proper insight from somewhere (because no one actually talk about such stuffs or discuss as a main topic while one post or the other pops up now and then to reassure ourselves that it is okay to be where we are).
The book is divided into three basic sections which deals with how the problem arises, how to face with it and how to deal with it.
I find the book quite helpful and now I feel more creative and productive already considering the tips and the acceptance of what's already been.
We all need to book, more so when we are adults. That's when it hits the most.
Thank you author and the publisher for the advance reading copy.
I appreciate the author for writing this book. I had never heard of Comparisonitis, I found myself immensely intrigued with this read. It is a quick read that has a lot of good tips and tricks to stop the habit of comparing oneself to another.
It’s really interesting that the author was writing some other novel and totally scrapped it and came up with this one. I can tell there was a lot of passion and real life lessons that this birthed this book. I will say there was a few times that I thought, “dang! I do that!” Comparison is a terrible habit that we all are guilty of doing sometimes but it’s time to break the chains.
Very good read for me. Highly recommend for a teen or young adult. Thank you NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
The title alone: Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini. Reflecting on my own life, I will have to say, “Yes, I do compare myself to others quite a bit.” Comparisonitis is quite common in this day and age of social media. How often are we looking at everyone else’s highlight reels and assuming that’s their every day? How often do we wish we had or did something that influencers are doing? Yes, this is a perfect book for me, and highly likely anyone else who finds themselves sucked into social media.
Every day my husband insists I’m addicted to social media. And every day I disagree. But is he right? Can I ignore my phone and tablet and not go onto social media? I’ve done social media weekend fasts and that was actually pretty liberating! So much so that I’m considering making that a permanent thing!
Anyways, let’s get into this book. Ms Ambrosini goes into the various ways anyone who’s anything compares themselves to others on social media. She also offers tips on how to overcome that. She makes very good points and even has a chapter for our children! There’s also a chapter about what influencers really go through just to get that perfect shot! You know how many camera shots and angles you need to take before you get that ONE great photo you want to share? Yes, influencers go through that, too!
It’s important that we not allow what we see, or don’t see, on our social media affect us or those we love. I mean, let’s face it; getting depressed and upset about your good friend’s well behaved kids or the neighbor’s recent trip to Greece. We mustn’t let what other people do or post to control our behavior or attitude. Let’s all work towards eliminating our comparisonitis!
Special thanks to BenBella Books and NetGalley for this useful read! I give Comparisonitis by Melissa Ambrosini 5 out of 5 tiaras because it’s very informative and relatable. I appreciate all the suggestions on how to overcome comparisonitis!
Self-help books aren't usually something I pick up to read. Comparisonitis caught my attention because I think comparing myself to others is one thing I really do struggle with and know that it can get in my way.
I liked the way this book went through ways to acknowledge the different ways we were comparing ourselves and our lives negatively and then working through ways to change our mindset. There are activities throughout the book that you that I found was really helpful. There is even a website mentioned in the book that you can go to to find a virtual workbook for these activities.
I found the terminology very redundant. The point that comparing ourselves to others is like a disease is hammered over and over. I caught myself skimming over sentences and paragraphs because it was the same message that I had read multiple times again.
The last section of the book breaks out specific areas where we tend to compare ourselves to others - our bodies, friendships, social media, and parenting. I skipped over the parenting section since I am not a parent but I thought it was good to see anecdotes from others and different techniques we can do to fix ourselves from negatively comparing to others.
Thank you to NetGalley and BenBella Books for the chance to read an early copy of this book!
I knew as soon as I saw the title that I needed this book. I had never heard of Melissa Ambrosini but comparison is something I've struggled with forever. And this book made me feel so much better! I even cried with how much some of the anecdotes hit close to home, and I'm so grateful to have this book's guidance.
This book is very breezy and readable, with lots of clearly-defined sections -- the first self-help book I've ever read where I could skip the takeaways because I'd absorbed the material so easily! The style really worked for me, even if repetitions of "comparisonitis" and "Inspo-action" (the action steps, I think it's supposed to be inspiration + action?) were grating at times, as were references to "making love" or "the dictionary defines ___ as."
A few other little things: The author pretty frequently recommends her other books, podcasts, workbooks, etc. -- I can't blame her if her whole business is selling her brand, but I don't like being pitched in the middle of a book I'm already reading. And while I thought her "behind the scenes of influencers" section was interesting, I gave some side-eye to the spiels of "I only recommend products I love and believe in" and "I never manipulate my body in photos, only lighting." There's also woowoo stuff about manifesting, spirit babies (creepy!), filtered water, and making your own toothpaste, but it fit with my stereotype of Instagram (which I don't use), haha!
I fully recognize that the above is nitpicky and cynical, but I wanted to include all my thoughts so that I can wholeheartedly say: I still loved this book and I pre-ordered a copy for myself. It was so powerful for me to see these topics discussed -- the focuses on body image, friend envy (especially fertility), social media were all things that touched so deeply. I don't have children yet, but the parenting section seemed so powerful and I'm excited to improve my own approach to comparisons so I DON'T pass down toxic thoughts to my kids. The book is full of mantras and mindset framings that I'm trying to use, and lots of useful action steps to take. I am so happy that I found this book, and I'm looking forward to doing a better job of keeping my eyes on my own lane and appreciating my own journey.
This book takes an empathetic approach and gives bite size approaches and allows you to have kindness and patience with yourself when dealing with life. This is so necessary for everyone to read in life. Highly recommend. Especially loved the reflection to true life to humanize my feelings and relate. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.
I loved reading this. The help I needed. Looking after yourself isn't selfish, never compare yourself to others. I think every person should read this
So I actually listened to the first part twice. It hit that closely to me. A lot of her struggles especially in the mental health area I can directly relate to. Not to mention I want to name my imaginary baby (also infertily warrior) Leo. Oh and my favorite movie ever is Moulin Rouge, and I have actually been to a show.
I compare myself in every aspect. Every single aspect. I honestly will need to listen to this book several times, because it's a very deep-rooted issue that is going to take work.
The only semi-complaint is that in the audio version she mentions her other books quite a bit. I get it, but it distracts the book at hand
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