We Over Me

The Counterintuitive Approach to Getting Everything You Want from Your Relationship

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Pub Date 07 Feb 2023 | Archive Date 30 Jun 2023
Rodale Inc., Rodale Books

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NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial lovers and parents that have allowed them to thrive.

“Staying married in this day and age takes a whole different mindset, and this book gives an intimate and honest look at the inner workings of their strong union.”—Gia Peppers, award-winning journalist and host

After twelve years of marriage, twenty years together, and four kids, Devale and Khadeen Ellis have been through a lot. They’ve loved their way through a long-distance relationship, financial instability, parenthood, Khadeen’s near-death, and their near-divorce, chronicling their day-to-day life with their boys online. After much trial and error, they hit upon one surprising, essential truth: If you’re looking for a healthy relationship and a fulfilling life, focus on your partner’s needs instead of your wants. Choosing service over selfishness will not only make your relationship stronger, but it will help you achieve your own goals and build a legacy together.

With their trademark transparency and humor, Khadeen and Devale share the messy, behind-the-scenes work of what it takes to succeed and support one another in their search for individual purpose while growing in their marriage. They discuss family, parenting, sex and intimacy, finances, and commitment, with honest advice threaded through their stories, such as:

• Stop comparing yourselves to other couples and make your own rules.
• Learn how to function as a team.
• Keep talking about sex.
• The kids ain’t first.

The Ellises might not have all the answers, but they do know that good love takes friendship, grace, and service. Their personal and relatable truths will inspire you to be the kind of partner you want to be so you can build a supportive, enduring relationship.
NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • The stars of the social media show The Ellises and hosts of the Webby Award-winning podcast Dead Ass with K&D share the core pillars of their relationship as millennial...

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Average rating from 27 members

Featured Reviews

I can’t say enough good things about this book. I started to read it to help me fall asleep and no lie, blew through the entire thing in one night.

Whether you’re single and looking, single and not looking, dating, “talking,” engaged, married, or somewhere in between, there’s something for you in this book.

The Ellises are such a beautiful family and Khadeen and Devale are fun, hilarious, real, and relatable. HEAVY on relatable. Whew, I literally feel like I could have written parts of this myself. As a Black, millennial mom and wife, I’m truly grateful for such transparency in sharing their journey and the opportunity it presented for me to reflect on myself and my own marriage. We Over Me was an all-around enjoyable read that felt like I was just sitting around talking to friends.

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The Ellises have long been influential and inspiring for a generation of millennials curious about what marriage could look like in today's day and age. It's no surprise that in their book We Over Me they are as generous and honest with their process as they've been on their social media platform and podcast. In this love offering to young people curious about marriage and whether or not lifetime partnership is right for them, Devale & Khadeen illuminate some hard and painful truths about the journey towards building a relationship based on honor and service as opposed to selfishness.

Khadeen honestly talks about growing up excited to become a wife and having her own dreams and fantasies established long before becoming a young woman. She admits that the fantasy was there but did not match up with the reality of what it takes to be a wife. After falling in love with Devale in her teens and becoming pregnant at the age of nineteen, the relationship survived many challenges that made it apparent that this was the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life often despite her mother's uncertainty.

Devale shares his journey as a young man who was brought up by his own father to be a good provider and to cover his family. Through the ups and downs of his career in the NFL and as a new actor he always did what he had to do to ensure his family had the financial stability needed to thrive. I admire and respect the perspective he shares with young men about the courting process and sharing the spotlight with your spouse. In one of Devale's "hot takes" which are shared by both husband and wife throughout the book he shares: "Taking the next step in your relationship- whether it's declaring exclusivity, an engagement, a marriage, or beginning your family- requires that you give yourself the time to be serious, thoughtful, and forward-thinking about the kind of future you want to create."

Devale & Khadeen have a beautiful family and a triumphant love story that is sure to inspire other young people hoping to build their own union based on friendship, love and trust. I enjoyed reading about the events leading up to their engagement, the birth of their beautiful boys, and the testimonies of challenges that ultimately strengthened their bond each step of the way.

Thank you to the authors and publisher for the e-arc copy!

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Khadeen and DeVale have grown into social media’s sweetheart couple, and I’ve grown to love them. So it was a no brainer for me to read their book. I am happy to say that it was like no other relationship book I’ve ever read. It didn’t feel force or pushy with “This is what you have to do” information. They were extremely relatable and transparent. I initially thought this book would be heavily targeted to married people. Wrong! The content of this books spans across all demographics, because there is so much to learn from all levels of being in a relationship. I thoroughly enjoyed the read and was using some of their gems before finishing it.

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“Marriage is signing up to being on a team where submission to the overall greater good and goals of the family supersedes and solo mission.”

10/5 ⭐️

Wow!!!! When I say I sat with this book for two days after finishing it up just rereading and soaking up every word I did. I have followed Khadeen & Devale story since their Brooklyn apartment days with their first son. I am so proud of their growth as a family so getting to read an ARC felt really special because I was holding one of their manifestations.
I truly can’t say enough great things about this book. Khadeen & Devale both poured their hearts into this book allowing us to be included in some of the most real & raw issues they over came within their marriage together. Stories that I was not aware of even being a long time follower. I related HEAVILY to so much in this book just being a Black, millennial wife and mother. We Over Me made me reflect a lot on myself & my own marriage.

We Over Me is a book I will recommend to all of my single, dating or married friends because there is a little something for everyone in this book. Thank you Khadeen & Devale for your transparency in sharing this journey and allowing me feel I spent two days in a safe place talking with close friends who understood.

Dead Ass this book is AMAZING!!

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This charming little book is written with finesse. As their marriage was about to sink into the ocean, this beautiful couple found the key to revive their relationship. As you read this precious book, We Over Me, you will find throughout the book the miraculous key which contains all of what you need to bring back your relationship to life. In a more modern way, you will also discover how Beauty and the Beast became One. Priceless book to read. Good Reading!

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This book was sooo good!! I love the transparency and the insight they share about their marriage and the life they have created together. The humor and way they clearly take care of each other is so great. I highly recommend this book.

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So grateful to NetGalley for providing the opportunity to read this book and provide feedback.
I’ve been following Devale and Khadeen since the Brooklyn apartment lol and just like their content on SM, their podcast, and live shows that didn’t disappoint with this book. My favorite thing about this book is that throughout the whole book they make a point in dismissing couple goals and patterning one’s relationship like someone else. I love that throughout the book they state to make your own goals for your relationship and doing what works best for you because that’s basically what they did. I love that they both addressed their own trauma and differences in the way they were raised and spoke about the importance of doing so. It didn’t read like a “how to book” and that was the best part to me. It’s just them being honest and transparent about the obstacles they faced and how they commit daily to making each others lives better. All in all it was an easy read and I was able to take a way some great points.

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I have followed them on Social Media and I have seen their relationship grow with every child they have had. To learn their story made me love them even more.

I got a chance to see where they came from and how they met and I see how they met and how they made their relationship work for them. They didn’t follow the traditional way of creating the relationship that allows them to enjoy each other. You get to see the things that could have pulled them apart bring them closer

I am not married but a lot that they talked about I can use in my relationship.

Thank you to Netgalley for allowing me to give my honest review of We over Me!

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- Wow! I didn't expect this book to cause so much self reflection. Im not married. Im no where near close to it lol I simply adore this family and want to see them win!

- Khadeen Ellis popped up on my explore page years ago and I've been following her since. A true New Yorker with personality and body for days! She truly embraces and walks in her truth and its so hard not to get sucked up into her light. But like I said shes from NY so please don't try to be cute🤣Devale is actually hilarious and I absolutely adore the love and admiration he shows Khadeen. He takes his responsibilities serious and it's evident in the way he loves his family. Learned a lot about the couple of course but I got a deep dive on Devale and I was genuinely surprised.

- This book asked the hard questions! If you don't scrunch your face up once thinking why they in my business you not getting everything you can out of this book! Such real and raw topics with a playful energy as they discussed them. Oh and the hot takes they had throughout the chapters were amazing! Beautiful touch to this testimony of a marriage. Only thing I didn't enjoy was the constant back and forth... it literally gave me whiplash. I needed more concise transitions. The flashbacks were important but Im just not a fan of too much back and forth.

- Definitely recommend! It will be out February 7th! I received a copy from netgalley.

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