Laid and Confused

Why We Tolerate Bad Sex and How to Stop

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Pub Date 30 May 2023 | Archive Date 10 Aug 2023


A refreshingly honest, deeply researched, and frequently hilarious deep-dive into the cultural crisis of bad sex, as one brave sex columnist recruits the counsel of coaches, psychologists, pro-dommes, and peers in the pursuit of pleasure.

Far more alarming than the millennial “sex recession"—the phenomenon of young people having less sex than previous generations—is that we’re in the middle of a bad sex epidemic that all generations are suffering from. Despite major advances in sex education, positivity, and technology, we haven’t moved the needle on better. We’re still quietly enduring unsatisfying sex, whether that’s resigning ourselves to the same three positions we secretly hate, or lying when our Bumble date asks if we’re “close” after fifteen seconds of oral. We’ve been trained to optimize everything, except our own pleasure.

For journalist Maria Yagoda, bad sex was her villain origin story. After going viral for a column calling out bad sex on her college campus, she launched a career as a sex columnist, earning a global following for her wit, vulnerability, and expertise in her popular VICE series, Sex Machina. But even as a professional sex writer, most of the sex she was having landed somewhere between passable and “huh.” In search of understanding, she consulted sex therapists, psychologists, dominatrixes and sex toy creators, as well as young people of all genders and sexualities, putting her own sex life on the line—from hiring a sex coach to attending a “masturbation meditation” Zoom seminar—in order to pave a new path forward.

In the vein of Come as You Are for the Trick Mirror audience, Laid and Confused presents a fresh, funny, and compassionate analysis of our current sexual moment, and offers research-based tools that will empower readers to craft the deeply pleasurable sex lives they deserve.

A refreshingly honest, deeply researched, and frequently hilarious deep-dive into the cultural crisis of bad sex, as one brave sex columnist recruits the counsel of coaches, psychologists...

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ISBN 9781250277732
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Average rating from 28 members

Featured Reviews

I haven’t finished this book yet, but I am compelled to leave a review now so that other readers know how great it is. “Laid and Confused” described my life experiences so exactly that I feel like it was written for me. It gave me the gift of knowing that I’m not alone. Thank you, Maria, for writing a book that makes me feel understood.

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This was a very informative read. And I love how it encapsulated the every topic and how they were broken down to make them easily understood and relate to. I am definitely going to recommend it

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This book was everything and more to me. Long is when women have had to put up with mediocre and less than that sexual encounters, but I love that we are at a place where women aren't sitting by and settling for such acts. We deserve to be pleasured and have orgasms; we shouldn't have to ask for it. Men get off every single time, so why shouldn't women? This witty collection of essays and research findings puts the pedal to the metal in simplifying simple conversations such as the ones that involve pleasurable sex for women.

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This book is an excellent read that promotes sex positivity, offers valuable insights, and provides a comprehensive view of sexual health. The title accurately reflects the book's theme - how we accept unsatisfactory sexual experiences. I highly recommend reading this book in short sections throughout the week to take time to reflect on the content. I strongly suggest this book to others.

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