The Lost

It’s difficult for me to write this review. I just… don’t think my words will do my thoughts or emotions justice. This book isn’t for everyone, but it is my perfect cup of tea. A broken story that will haunt you, yet somehow fill you with hope… the darkest of hopes. That’s what The Lost is to me.

I cried. More than once! And… I’m not a crier, people. I can count on one hand how many books have made me cry. The tears weren’t all bad. Some were just a release of emotion. So many emotions that my body couldn’t take it. I also laughed. Quite a bit, actually. The witty banter and the endearing humor just had me in smiles.

I was hooked from page one. When I read the astounding imagery, lyrical pacing, and breathtaking emotions it was impossible not to surrender to the story. It’s quite difficult to not tell you all the things, but take my word for it… all the things, guise! All. The. Things. But I refuse to get even a little bit spoilery here. It would be a disservice to you.

The Lost made me melt, captured my soul, and put a weight on my chest that made it hard to breathe at times. Cole keeps you washed in darkness through every page, yet somehow you find comfort in the unrelenting torture. I know I did. Through this darkness there is love. The fascinating, multi-faceted characters that fill The Lost are battling their own struggle with love, with life… but Gabriel and Leigh steal the show. Their relationship will squeeze your heart so tight and you won’t be sure if you want them to let go. Will they? Won’t they? Should they?

I lost count of the number of quotes I highlighted, how many times I held my breath, how often my throat felt tight… this book will hurt you in all the best ways. When you finally get to the end, it’s an intriguing feeling of limbo. I wasn’t sure what to do with myself. If you take anything away from this review at all, I hope it’s that you give The Lost a chance. If it’s something you think you can handle? Do it. Delve into the darkness and I don’t think you’ll regret it. Six stars to the latest from Cole McCade. Easily my favorite book I’ve read this year.

First off I want to start of with thanking the author for having a trigger warning before reading this. I don't particularly have any but some scenes I felt myself shuddering and a bit not so much into. But fear not I survived the story. I loved the main charater her growth was amazing to overcome all this hardship in her life so she could get to the end. excellent characters, intriguing plot line, and lovely writing style. Solid 4 star read.

There are those books that demand your attention and once you start reading them, there's not much on God's green earth that could pull you away. Author Cole McCade's The Lost, the first in his Crow City series, is one such book. The story is complex and the author is more than honest about the possibility of triggers being found in his latest work, what with a well-worded warning before you begin reading the tale of Clarissa Leigh van Zandt. Don't go into this book expecting hearts and flowers because you won't get them. What you will get is an exceptionally well-written and often gut-wrenching story about a woman living with a void in her life, one that she tries to fill with anonymous trysts with random partners. Who she is now isn't the woman she was four years ago nor is she the girl she was at eighteen; she is the evolving result of her experiences but she is still missing pieces of herself, caught between being Clarissa and Leigh.

I've refrained from giving details about the story because this is a story that you really need to experience fully and with an open mind. There were times that I could feel my heart pounding, wanting to put my e-reader down and step away mentally and emotionally, because of certain events in Leigh's life that were both harrowing and traumatizing. But Leigh is a female lead character like no other I've come across before. Yes, she is dysfunctional and many would probably have at least one psychological term labeled on her forehead. But she's also a survivor, one who has risen time and again, dealing with the circumstances in her own unconventional way. She refuses to drag anyone else down with her, alienating those who try to get close, but then she's never met anyone like former Marine Gabriel Hart, who himself has a myriad of issues he's dealing with. As individuals, they're far from ideal, but together, they do somehow make sense.

This was my first Cole McCade read and what an introduction to his gift for storytelling this was. You can't help but feel as if you're right there experiencing everything Leigh is, both the good, which seemed few and far between, and the bad, which she seemed to be all to familiar with. Both Leigh and Gabriel are far from perfect and they're more than aware that they're somewhat broken, though I prefer to think of them as works in progress. What's considered broken can be repaired but it'll never be the way it once was nor should you expect it to be, which is what Leigh and Gabriel are. They both lost their innocence and naivete in ways that would have brought weaker people to their knees and kept them down, but these two have a resilience to them, keeping hope alive even as they hit rock bottom time and again. The Lost is by no means an easy or comfortable read, but it is unequivocally a more than worthwhile one. Five-plus stars. ♥

https://www.goodreads.com/review/show/1376128632?book_show_action=false

This book kept my emotional state on a razors edge.

Clarissa Leigh Van Zandt is an extremely complicated character. She was so lost, by herself, and didn't have any direction when she ran. No compass! I thought she'd found her salvation in Gabriel Hart but he was almost as broken and lost as she was. I can't claim to understand her reasons or his for that matter but I could feel their pain. The pain of wanting everything to be OK but knowing it wasn't. Then it might never be. Wanting hurt worse than not having it at all.

This is a brilliantly told story that was real and awkward. It was tragic and beautiful. It eased my soul when I heard the answer to Wally's question "Do you know what you want now?" That was "my" closure to the story. You must read this book yourself to see what you get from it, as I believe everyone will get something different by the time they're finished. I thank this author for the Trigger Warning at the beginning and the Afterwords at the end. Knowing that I wasn't reading the fantasy romance novel but was reading about something real and tragic, made it easier to read some of the things Leigh had been through. Hard to read because of the tragedy of it all but still a great book! Not a true story, only fiction but close enough to be real for some.

Received a copy via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
I was not compensated for my review. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinion expressed is my own.

The Lost, A Crow City Novel, (Cole McCade: After Dark), Cole McCade Review from Jeannie Zelos book reviews  
Genre:  Romance, I struggled with this book at times, its a great read but parts made me very uncomfortable. Its quite dark, and not a HEA, fluffy, light romance but one that’s really gripping, and at times emotionally draining.
 I so felt for Leigh, it was clear she was running from something, using the streets and her lifestyle as some kind of an escape, sort of just marking time but also to me seeming to punish herself. She’s having sex with total strangers daily, but only for the minutest fraction of time does it give her pleasure, a momentary escape, so why is she doing it? Its almost like she’s punishing herself. And I wanted to know why. Why did she push everyone away who tried to help? Why was she on the streets? What happened in her past? Why wasn’t anyone looking for her.
 Gary, the bar owner, seems to see her as a kind of lost child and does his best to help, but within her strict boundaries – he gives her a place to at least leave her belongings safely, have a shower, wash her clothes, even if she rarely stays there herself. Then she meets Gabriel and he seems to know what she needs, to offer more, but he’s not a man to be treated lightly. He needs to be in control, he needs to call the shots but he’s so careful not to scare her away. He’s also got demons in his past though, and they have a tenuous rapport that starts off badly. I felt like Leigh and Gabriel were walking on eggshells most of the time, and at any moment something would crack and break their fragile relationship. I so wanted something positive for Leigh, she seems so brittle, fragile, damaged and made me want to cry for her at times. Gabriel too – he’s a good man, with a hard past and if they can just find a way forward together...but can two such hurting characters find common ground, grow to love each other? Stars:Five, a riveting if uncomfortable read. It shows that people from all walks of life have serious issues, that the charmed on the outside, perfect family can mask a host of problems.
ARC supplied by Netgalley and publishers.

 

This review is really hard for me. I’m struggling to bring my thoughts into order. But I’ll give my best. So, here goes:

“The Lost” came with a long list of warnings from the author. After reading the blurb and the many warnings, I’ve already prepared myself mentally for a very disturbing and dark book. So, now I’ll tell you what it really was: A story about the hard fight and struggles of a young woman, trying to overcome her fears and issues and building herself a new life. A happy, or at least contempt, life. Away from everyone that made her former life living hell. Her name was Leigh aka. Clarissa.

My first attempt is to clear up the warnings of the author a bit. I try my best to do that without spoilering; and the reason why I do this, is that many people will be spooked from reading it just because of those warnings. Facts are the following: There is no abduction in this book; there is no actual incest, I’d call it “morally incest”; we get to read about a few sex-scenes with the female MC which are not with the male MC but with strangers; there is domestic abuse and rape and references of addiction in this book.

Whereas I would call “The Lost” not a dark romance but more of a romance with a very critical sight of life and a lot of shit happening – pardon my French, but I can’t call it any other way – you should take the warnings serious. There were a few scenes, but particularly one, in this book that made bile rose up my throat.

The writing was very special. I have to admit, that I was very curious about it since it happens so rarely that authors in the romance/erotica genre are male. But no matter if male or female, I had a hard time getting used to the writing. It was… strange. Very special. It was almost poetic but with a bit of weirdo woven into it. Yeah, that describes it pretty good. But after I got into it, I was glued to the pages. One thing was for sure: The author made me FEEL. I felt every little emotion. I got choked up, pissed, horny, scared, and angry and I fell in love. With the characters and the beautiful love-story that was in fact woven into the ugly and scarred parts of the book so perfectly.

As much as it was a beautiful love story, it was also a journey of a young woman who was fucked over by everyone around her, everyone she trusted. Until she broke – or rather, her wings broke – and she fell to the hard ground of a reality she painted for herself; main color: Black. She struggled, tried to overcome her issues and get back on track, whatever the right track for her might be. She was courageous, brave and overall a damaged but oh so beautiful character. In my opinion, everyone gets what Leigh goes through – if not to that extreme – because who didn’t struggle with her or his identity; no matter in which part of life.

Overall, it wasn’t a cookie-cutter romance with feel-good-effect, but not a shocking dark romance, either. I would recommend to read the book with a very open mind. Due to the trigger warnings and a few quite shocking scenes, I agree to the recommendation that readers should be 18 years or up. I’ll rate “The Lost” with 4 stars.

This is one of those books that I requested based on the cover alone. From the first moment I saw it, I thought the cover was creepy and sad, so obviously it got my attention. Having now read the story, it perfectly captures the theme of the story. This story is dark in that it is nearly devoid of light. It's heartbreaking and tragic, but in an odd way, I did not find it depressing.

There are flawed heroines, and then there is Leigh. The flawed heroine is a common theme in a book, but often, when the revelation is made about the person's flaws, I sometimes find myself scratching my head and thinking, "that's it?" But make no mistake, Leigh is flawed. Any sane person would look at her and questions her.

"You skitter and flinch and run away." His lips twitched. "This small thing living on the fringes, never wanting to be seen."

Leigh is also weak, yet I still liked her as a heroine. She's been handed a horrible deck with her life, raised under odd expectations and a lack of love. The little attention she is given, is for all the wrong reason. Which brings me to the elephant in the room. I-N-C-E-S-T! Yes, this book has it. It is not glossed over, but told in graphic detail. The moments together with her father, forever shape Leigh and her sexual needs. It's not until Gabriel that she seems those moments in a different light.

I didn't know what to think of Gabriel when he's introduced. He's a little bit mystery and a whole lot scary. Yet Gary, Leigh's only friend at the time, thinks she might be good for him. With time, I felt myself agreeing with that assessment. They are good for each other. But good and happy don't have a place in this story. Any brief moment of happiness seems to be stolen from Leigh in a flash.

What sets this book apart, other than the edgy storyline, would be the manner in which it is told. This author is a true wordsmith. The words are beautiful, raw and as my buddy reader, Rachel, mentioned, they have a lyrical quality. I often reread sentences, once to capture their meaning, and then again in appreciation. Here's just a sample of the author's talent:

To describe Gabriel: God, he was pure gunmetal, and right now he moved like the safety was off, the trigger cocked, ready to fire.

Leigh's describing her story for Gabriel:
"That moment was when she realized that every woman is a broken goddess. Every last one."
"Why broken?" Hart asked softly.
"Because we're all born in that cage, and we've been breaking our wings against the bars ever since"

With the dark and taboo subject matter, this book might not be for everyone. I'll admit, I was terrified after just reading the trigger warning at the front of the story. There are moments you will question the heroine, moments that are in such detail you feel them. And it's not usually a good feeling. Leigh is not your typically heroine. She's not shiny and beautiful, she is damaged inside and out. Most people around her make judgments and try to change her. Except one.

The ending felt a bit rushed to me, but I was thankfully there wasn't a cliffy. The deeply damaged souls deserve some happy in their lives.

This is hands down one of my favorite books I've read this year. Every word that I read was like poetry, and the story was mesmerizing and heartbreaking all at the same time. Leigh is a very broken girl, and although I've read about some very damaged characters before I've never read about one who was damaged in the way that Leigh was. She ran away from a life of wealth and privilege because she was trapped in a marriage she did not want. Now she lives above a bar with the old man who owns the it and she pretty much sleeps with a different man every night. Leigh refuses to let herself get attached to anyone, mainly because she doesn't feel she's worth getting attached to. Until she meets Gabriel, the first person she really desires and the only man who she is unable to control. Like Leigh, Gabriel is also broken but in a different way from Leigh. Watching these two come together and try to heal their wounds had me spellbound. I wanted so badly for these two people who were so clearly hurting to somehow work out their demons and come together. One of my favorite things about The Lost was the author's writing style. He had a way of putting words together so that they had a sort of ethereal poetic style to them, Like when he compared Gabriel placing his fingers on the bruises on Leigh's neck to bullets sliding into a chamber on a gun. The imagery he could conjure up with his words was stunning and I don't think I've ever highlighted so many lines in a book before. I also appreciated that the author tackled a very taboo subject, incest, head on and didn't skirt around the issue or try to make it seem sexy in some way. Even though Leigh thought she loved him, it was abuse and treated as such. But more than anything this book made me think, and I kept thinking about it weeks after I'd finished it. I was in a book funk for the longest time because I couldn't get athe Lost out of my head. It made me think about the labels and cages we put people in, especially women. What if a woman doesn't want to get married? What does it mean? Is she somehow dificient for not wanting what most in society tells her she should want? Leigh sleeps with a lot of people and I was often questioning if Leigh was sexually liberated as she kept stating she was because she got to pick who to have sex with and when. Or was this merely a symptom of her low self worth because she didn't see herself as anything more than a body to be used? Even at the end in the author's note, he had me seeing Gabriel in a new light. I loved the character but in the real world his behavior would be unacceptable and probably borderline rape. But because this is fantasy/fiction we trust the author to not have the main hero of the book take the heroine past what she can handle so it becomes almost safe for the reader to enjoy the type of behavior that in real life we probably wouldn't. I loved that the author challenged me and made me see these kinds of books in a different way and I can't wait to read whatever else he comes up with next.