This was such a wonderfully written novel about motherhood and what it’s like being a woman in general. Watching Elly navigate marriage, motherhood, and all the stressors in between was relatable and so well portrayed in the pages. There are so many takeaways in this book and I loved how realistic everything was. This book was a therapeutic read. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

Review will be posted on Instagram and Amazon on pub day and links added to NetGalley.

Rules for Mothers is a quiet, emotionally layered novel set in the 1980s that follows Elly Sparrow, a stay-at-home mother of four who has slowly lost sight of herself. From the outside, Elly’s life looks orderly and complete, but internally she feels diminished by the narrow roles of wife and mother that have come to define her entire identity. When her marriage begins to unravel, Elly is forced to confront how little agency she has had in shaping her own life and what it might mean to finally choose herself.

As Elly navigates single motherhood, the day-to-day demands of raising children, and her own internal struggles, the novel explores how women of that era were often expected to suppress their needs and emotions. The book thoughtfully examines women’s mental health at a time when it was stigmatized. Elly’s journey toward independence is not dramatic or fast, but gradual and realistic, marked by uncertainty, fear, and small acts of courage.

What stood out most to me was how accurately the book captures the quiet drowning that can happen when someone lives primarily for others. Elly’s story highlights how easily personal dreams and autonomy can be lost within marriage and motherhood, especially in the cultural context of the 1980s. The novel does a strong job showing how societal expectations shaped women’s choices, or lack of choices, during that time.
This is not a fast-paced book, but a reflective and character-driven one that will resonate with readers interested in stories about identity, self-fulfillment, and the emotional realities of motherhood. Trigger warning: the book does address suicide, which may be difficult for some readers.
Overall, Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful and honest exploration of motherhood, mental health, and the long process of reclaiming one’s sense of self. This is an ARC Review.
#RulesforMothers #NetGalley

With the keen eye of an impressionist painter, Julie Swendsen Young meticulously layers passive aggressive notes and conversations from an emotionally manipulative and distant husband, a broken headlight on the Vanagon, surreptitious glances at kind strangers, endless rounds of laundry and vacuuming and dishes, neverending piles of toys to be picked up, and the caregiving of four young children in her portrayal of Eleanor Sparrow. Although her kids are clean and happy and she's known as a good mother, Elly is slowly but surely suffocating under the weight of motherhood. Like most women of the 1980s, Elly stumbled her way into domesticity, setting aside dreams of travel and pursuing advanced English literature degrees to stay home, clip coupons, and raise four kids while her attorney husband goes on weekend and overnight trips for work. When their marriage dissolves, Elly goes back to work part-time, tries out journaling, reconnects with old friends, and tries to figure out who she is when she's not being martyred for motherhood. What follows is a series of highs and lows rendered in heartbreaking detail as Elly tries to find herself while keeping her broken family together. When it all inevitably falls apart, she discovers that the rules work differently for mothers. A complex, character-driven story that captures both the jagged edges and tenderness of familial bonds. Weaving together hope and tragedy, Elly navigates divorce, depression, and what it really means to be a good mother.

Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the ARC. Book to be published April 14, 2026.

Eloy Sparrow is dealing with four small children and a workaholic husband and then her husband leaves and she is now a single mother.Watching her deal with her life her coping her daily existence.is so real she is such a strong real character and I enjoyed getting to know her.Sowell written so involving.# NetGalley #rulesformothers

To be honest, you want to know what I expected to find in this book? I thought I'd meet a mother without interests or charm, floating lost in time and space as her children were all grown children, not knowing what to do with free time for herself. But what I found were very faithful portrayals of the daily lives of many women who want to raise their children in the best way possible, but also want to work outside hom. Not only because of the money. But mainly, for sanity. For the possibility of seeing different people, being able to leave the house and not spend the whole day dealing with the mental exhaustion that comes with constantly caring for a home and kids.

Those who have read "The Feminine Mystique" by Betty Friedan might enjoy this book, although "Rules for Mothers" is fiction. Friedan's book is even mentioned in the story, but even if it weren't, at some point, it would be difficult not to think of it for those who have already read it.

By the end of the book, the plot takes a perhaps unexpected turn, but a very curious one, I might say, making us think a lot about the responsibility and expectations that fall on women as mothers, but almost never on men as fathers.

I enjoyed this reading much more than I've imagined I would. There were many passages with which I identified, as a mother, and I even feel that Elly and I could be good friends in real life.

The book also made me think a lot about my childhood and adolescence, and made me admire even more my mom, as well as be very grateful for the father I have. Elly is right when she says that the world is very unfair to mothers but not as jugdemental to fathers.

The sad thing is, however, what's the likelihood of a man reading this book? And those few who do read it, will they see identify with the situations at some point in the story or with Elly's criticisms?

I had the opportunity to read this book before its official release, through Netgalley, in English (original), and it was its title that attracted me right away. The title, however, seemed more and more fitting with each page I turned.

I highly recommend it and very much hope it comes to Brazil.

An honest, provocative, and thoughtful book about motherhood. In this novel, Elly is a newly married young mother who, in quick succession, has four children under age 7. Though she loves her children, she struggles with being a "mother," and all that comes with that title. Her husband is not too helpful, and her own mother does not live close to her; she does not seem to have many friends, either other young mothers or just friends in general. Though Elly is a "good mother" and everyone sees it, she really struggles, and this book allows one to see that motherhood does not fit everyone and also that you can be a mother, and you can love being a mother and still not love all the parts of it every day. I would have given this novel 5 stars, but for the abrupt change at the end - a bump in time which did not allow the reader to process what had happened and fully understand what had happened or was happening. Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the e-arc in exchange for an honest review.

It took me a long time to finish this book & I think it’s because it felt sad to read. Motherhood is not easy and the pages of this book tell the stories of the beautiful and difficult moments of everyday life. We don’t always like to admit that being a mother isn’t always a happy feeling. I applaud the of the emotion we see here.

Expert storytelling! I was intrigued and invested from the first few pages. Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy. I would read more from Young. I found the characters flawed but still liked them. I don’t often wish a book were longer, but I could have kept reading this one!

Rules for Mothers by Julie Swendsen Young is a quietly powerful and very relatable look at motherhood through the life of Elly Sparrow.

The story shows how the small, repetitive routines of caring for others can slowly take over, until a woman’s sense of who she is starts to fade into the background. It's all too real and what really stayed with me is the honesty. It captures the thoughts, doubts and pressures that are rarely spoken aloud, especially the constant expectation to do everything “right.”

Readers have described it as deeply human and emotionally resonant, touching on both the tenderness and the weariness of motherhood, as well as the fragile process of reclaiming a sense of self, and this reader would agree.

Although it’s set in the 1980s, its commentary on the expectations placed on women still feels surprisingly current. It’s the kind of book that invites reflection - not just on motherhood, but on identity, choice, and how much of ourselves we give away along the way.

This was a quiet, slow, very introspective read about motherhood, mental health, and losing yourself in the process of caring for everyone else. Elly’s exhaustion and guilt felt really real and I think a lot of mothers will see themselves in her. It’s not fast paced at all, more reflective and character driven, but it does a great job showing how easy it is to lose your identity in marriage and motherhood, especially in that time period. I did wish some of the side characters, especially the husband, had more depth, but overall it was thoughtful and honest and definitely made me think.
Solid 3.75 stars

Rules for Mothers had my attention from the first page to the end. It covered so many different dynamics of the main character, Elly's life. You saw her go through many losses including loosing herself. Themes like marriage, divorce, unfaithfulness, friendship, death, belonging, and self love were all included in this story. The book was fiction, but so real and revelant to mothers.

This book was a page turner. I really enjoyed this book and look forward to reading more books by this author.

Thank you to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group, this is an ARC review.

Rules for Mothers is an exploration of the demands, expectations and challenges of motherhood, within the societal context of 1980s Oregon. We follow Elly, wife and mother of 4, through her early seasons of motherhood, marriage breakdown and her battle with the sense of identity loss that comes with matrescence. As she navigates being a stay at home mother, return to work and solo parenting, we are privy to her internal battle with her adoration of her children, gender imbalances, sense of identity and the emotional realities of putting one’s own wants and needs last.

This book is not fast paced nor full of twists and turns, but rather a meandering and an introspective look at mental health, motherhood and existential yearning. It is a quiet validation of the internal battles and worries experienced by many mothers. This book will resonate with readers who have struggled with the shift in priorities, relationships and sense of self through motherhood. TW: there is discourse around suicide which some readers may find challenging.

Overall I think that Rules for Mothers is a poignant reflection of motherhood, and the pursuit of identity beyond being “just” a mum and wife.

Surprised that this is the author's debut novel - what a great read! Set in the 1980's, the reader accompanies Elly as she navigates motherhood and womanhood. While struggling to balance what she wants out of life against the expectations of a wife and mom, she seems to resent her lot in life and yearns for experiences outside of what she considers mundane and oppressive. There were moments that I think the book could have skipped or been condensed but overall it was a great read with even greater character development.

Many thanks to #netgalley #GreenleafBookGroupPress for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.

I loved this book! It was so easy relate to as a mother. The story is quiet and full of beautiful and realistic details that hit close to home.

What really stayed with me was how thoughtful and honest this book is about motherhood and identity. Elly’s journey isn’t neat or perfect, and the supporting characters highlight the choices and compromises we all face. This book would be a great fit for readers who love literary women’s fiction, stories about self-discovery, and anyone who has ever questioned whether they’re living for themselves or for everyone else. It’s a quiet, reflective read that stays with you long after the last page. I will revisit this again!

This is a short but incredibly poignant book on motherhood, its complexities, rewards and pitfalls. Those not mothers reading this book the caveat is that this is neither a paean to nor a denigration of motherhood. It’s a brutally honest look into the motherhood choice.

Eleanor “Elly” Sparrow of a mother of four. It’s 1980. She and her husband, Dan, a lawyer, were excited to start their family and then reality set in for Elly - is this what motherhood is: sacrifice, isolation, 24 hours on call, etc.? To answer these questions, Elly’s “aha moment” comes when her daughter, Jane, asks her if she always wanted to be a mommy? This brings up her discontent with her motherhood role, “trapped in her tidy image of suburban perfection” and realizing she’s isolated by the demands of motherhood. We get flashbacks into her life before motherhood and she her as engaged, thriving on adventures and pursuing her life goal of being a teacher. We also see her wonderful relationship with Dan pre-children break apart as Elly grows crushed by the demands of parenting. When she and Dan separate she’s faced with a “fork in the road.” Which direction will she go?

I really connected to Elly’s plight. When your children are young, your first commitment is to them. Everything revolves around them and sometimes you wish it weren’t that way. The conundrum then is how to accept that and still have your own personal identity. In our age of tradwives, Elly’s plight might be viewed as selfish and egotistical but motherhood is demanding and the balancing between self and altruism is an everyday commitment.

I also was angry with Elly as I read. I felt four children who didn’t ask to be born deserved having a two parent home. While Dan may have lost some of his fatherhood purpose too, I felt he was willing to work on keeping the family in tact. But as the flashbacks continued, I also felt Elly’s pain. Sometimes hard choices have to be made and personal fulfillment trips the scales.

This is a very compelling read. It takes on tough issues associated with motherhood and its balance with personal identity. Trigger warning: suicide is discussed.

I’d like to thank NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Press for allowing me yo read this book.

I was surprised to find out that Rules for Mothers is Julie Swendsen Young’s debut novel. It reads like a seasoned author wrote it.
Elly Sparrow is a mother of four in a marriage that is unraveling. The time is the 1980’s and the expectations of mothers and wives are even more severe than they currently are. This book does a great job showing a mother’s love and commitment to her children, but also gives us the gift of knowing that it’s okay to want more for yourself. Elly is a good mom. Read this book to find out how she navigates a breakdown and comes out on the other side.
Thank you to Greenleaf Book Group Press and NetGalley for the free ARC!

Thanks to NetGalley and Greenleaf Press for the e-book review copy.

Rules for Mothers is set in the mid-1980's and is about Elly, a mom of four young children, and her search for herself outside of her children and her marriage. At first I sympathized with Elly and the overwhelm she feels at being the caretaker of four children and a home and her need for space. Her husband Dan doesn't help and expects her to do everything.

As a mother the premise of this book sounded promising and relatable, and parts of it were. But I feel that when Dan left it kind of veered off the rails. After this I couldn't relate to the characters' actions - the motivations behind Dan and Elly's unraveling seemed false and forced - and I didn't like them very much. The end felt rushed, almost like it came out of nowhere, and unbelievable.

The writing was good for a debut novel and I read it very quickly. However, I was disappointed that the book wasn't what I thought it was going to be about.

2.5 stars

3 Stars for this ARC via Netgalley for an Honest Review.
Set in the 1980's gives the reader a nostalgic yet realistic view of how life was for mothers/ women in that time period. Well written but leaves the younger mother readers a little frustrated as to the ' why ' behind some decisions. I was left wanting more details in the last 1/3 of the novel as I felt their could have been so many things happen! But - that is life... and being a woman... and motherhood! Would recommend to other mothers who feel like their life is worse than everyone else- we all struggle and we all should support each other and lift each other.

Thank you Netgalley and Greenleaf Publishing for the preview copy!
Angela Reads at least a book a day and you can Follow along @TheElectricStrawberry for indie bookstore and more!

Rules for Mothers is a thoughtful exploration of motherhood, but more strikingly, it is a study of a woman’s struggle with identity.

Set in the 1980s, the novel follows Elly as she attempts to reconcile who she is with who she is expected to be. Throughout different stages of her life, she finds herself performing versions of womanhood shaped by societal expectations rather than personal truth. This tension creates a kind of “double life,” where her authentic self exists in quiet opposition to the roles she feels compelled to inhabit.

Elly’s internal conflict is mirrored in her marriage to Dan, whose romanticized vision of family life leaves little room for her individuality. While he expects her to prioritize domestic responsibilities and relinquish her ambitions, he remains largely insulated from the pressures such expectations impose. Their relationship gradually narrows into functional exchanges about their children, with meaningful adult connection fading into the background. In this dynamic, Elly becomes increasingly isolated, dismissed, and made to feel intellectually inadequate.

One of the novel’s most compelling elements is its portrayal of performance, the exhausting need to maintain the illusion of a perfect, enviable life while everything beneath the surface is quietly unraveling. This dissonance drives Elly into a profound identity crisis, raising the question of relevance: who is she beyond the roles she fulfills?

Thanks to #netgalley for the eARC

Rules for Mothers
4/5

Rules for Mothers truly captured what it’s like to not only be a mother, but how easy it is to lose yourself in that role. This was a heartbreaking read but so well done.

The emotions I had for Elly as she navigated what it meant to be outside of a mom and wife, all while things around her seem to be crumbling, were all over the place. I FELT Elly while reading this book. So many times it was hard to read because it was like someone had taken a magnifying glass to my own inner thoughts and struggles when I was a new mom. It also felt healing though, to feel less alone in that. Elly was such a great character in so many ways.

I can’t wait to find out what’s next for Julie Swendsen Young! Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for this ARC.

Wow. That was a tough read. Heartbreaking and beautiful, Julie Swensden Young captures so much of what it is to be a mother. As much as we love our children, it is the most difficult job in the world. Even harder, to not lose yourself in it. The pressures of society, your partner (even if they don't realize they are doing it) can be unbearable. In this book we follow the story of Elly, who is a stay at home mom to four, struggling to meet the demands of her life, her husband and society. She's also battling herself internally about whether this is even the life she wants, or ever wanted. I was shocked to find out this was a debut novel, because everything about it was experienced and so powerful. While maybe not the experience of everyone, I was able to relate to Elly even more than I thought I would, and I know so many mothers will be able to as well. This is such an important portrayal, that honestly I wish I'd read when my children were younger and I was in the thick of it, like Elly. Knowing that I wasn't alone in some of the feelings I had, be it her inner thoughts, her actual experiences, the kids' reactions (or lack thereof), could have done wonders for my mental state. It is far too realistic, in that too many women try to do it all without ever asking for help, with or without kids, the idea that men can just choose to walk away and women are expected to just make it work, stay strong, and never choose themselves is outrageous, heartbreaking, horrible (not enough words). This was a reminder of one of the darkest times of my life, but also a reminder of how I survived, and just how fortunate enough I was to have a supportive partner, even if it didn't always feel that way. While I understand it was a different time, and her husband, Dan had a lot of his own issues, too many men/husbands/fathers refuse to acknowledge any of the difficulties mothers face. They truly believe that it's a vacation for women to be able to stay home with the kids. Yet they aren't willing to do the job themselves. They can also just pick up and leave and hardly get judged, but god forbid a women need to take time to work on herself, let alone choose a child-free life. Even when a woman is literally institutionalized she can't be taken seriously, because it's an inconvenience for a man to actually be present. I wanted to reach into the book and punch him so many times. My heart breaks for women like Elly who didn't/don't have the support they need. I especially loved how the author brings in experiences outside of Elly to demonstrate some different levels of not only the stresses of motherhood, but as a wife, and simply as a woman. Meeting and learning the stories of Elly's own mother and friends Liz and Peggy, as well as others along the way, was so impactful. I personally wish there was a little more emphasis on asking/reaching out for help, but I also understand why there wasn't, and how this portrayal is more realistic. An incredibly powerful story of mental health struggles, and what can happen if you don't speak up for yourself or ask for help, this is one that everyone should read, not just women, just be sure to check trigger warnings.

Thank you so much to NetGalley and Greenleaf Book Group Press for the eARC of Julie Swendsen Young's debut novel, Rules for Mothers.