Shep Rose thought he had life figured out.

As one of the breakout stars of Bravo's Southern Charm, he'd built a reputation as Charleston's ultimate good-time guy: charismatic, adventurous, and always ready for the next party. His mantra? Say yes. Say yes to every invitation, every adventure, every opportunity for excess. For years, it worked beautifully, bringing him a successful television career, incredible experiences around the world, and the kind of life most people only dream about.

But by November 2023, that same approach had become dangerous. A blackout weekend at BravoCon in Las Vegas, complete with drugs, gambling binges, and behavior he couldn't even remember, culminated in a sobering phone call from Andy Cohen himself. The message was clear: change or lose everything.

Instead of deploying more traditional methods, Shep made an unconventional choice. At the recommendation of a Navy SEAL friend who'd found his own healing there, Shep flew to Costa Rica to spend a week at Rythmia, participating in four consecutive nights of Ayahuasca ceremonies. What followed was the most transformative, terrifying, and enlightening experience of his life.

In this remarkably honest memoir, Shep chronicles his journey with vivid detail and his signature humor. From his first ceremony, where he saw himself as the pole of an amusement park ride that could send everyone flying if he wasn't stable, to the profound night when he witnessed "the machine" and underwent spiritual heart surgery, each experience peeled back another layer of self-deception and forced him to confront uncomfortable truths.

This book is about the universal struggle between who we think we are and who we've actually become. It's about the fine line between being the life of the party and being destructively out of control. It's about learning that vulnerability isn't weakness and that sometimes the bravest thing you can do is admit you need help.

Written with the same authenticity that's made him a fan favorite for over a decade, Shep shares not just the mystical visions and profound realizations, but also the awkward moments, the embarrassing incidents, and the ongoing work of integration after the ceremonies ended. He doesn't pretend to have all the answers or to be "cured." Instead, he offers something more valuable: an honest account of one man's attempt to course correct before it's too late.

Whether you've struggled with your own relationship to excess, questioned whether your greatest strengths might also be your biggest weaknesses, or simply wondered what it's really like to drink Ayahuasca with a shaman in the Costa Rican jungle, this book offers insights, laughs, and the kind of raw honesty that's increasingly rare in our curated world.