I'm Fine, Thanks

This book showed the raw emotion of what grieving looks like. The author gives the reader an in-depth look into what his life was like after his wife Anne dies from a rare disorder.

Heart-wrenching and real life.

Thanks to author, publisher and Netgalley for the chance to read this book. While I got the book for free, it had no bearing on the rating I gave it.

Men's mental health is so often ignored so it was very refreshing to to read this heart-wrenching story, shared by Chris Doveton, who takes us through his story of caring for his wife, his journey with grief and living with depression.

Chris and Anne were happily married when in Anne was diagnosed with a rare illness similar to MND back in the 90's. At Anne's request, Anne and Chris kept the diagnosis a secret for many years- hiding the truth from their friends and even their daughter, Louisa. However, as Anne shows more and more signs of her illness, the time comes where they cannot keep this secret any longer and Chris cares for Anne as her body slowly shuts down until the disease eventually takes her life in 2002.

Following Anne's death Chris embarks on a journey of grief and experiences depression and feelings of loneliness. He begins overspending to fill the void and contemplates suicide. However, Chris' story also offers hope and encouragement to those experiencing similar feelings as he overcomes these emotions. With male grief and depression so seldom talked about I would like to think this book will talk to those experiencing similar feelings and I hope they can find comfort in the hope Chris' story offers

I'm Fine Thanks is not an easy read but it was brutally honest, raw and emotional.

Thank you to NetGalley and The Book Guild for this galley copy.

“There were many times I felt broken in mind, body and soul, and could not see how I would be able to rebuild. I didn’t realize at the time that I could only do this one pillar at a time. It was an impossible task to try and build l three in one go. I needed the foundation of a strong mind first, then my soul and finally my body.”

I’m Fine, Thanks is about a man’s journey after his wife is diagnosed with a rare form of motor neurons disease that eventually takes her life. This memoir is about marriage, loss, grief, depression, and redemption.

Each chapter is a couple of pages which made this an easy one to get through. It’s very straightforwardly written, almost to the point where I wish it had more of a narrative tone and flowed better.

The chapters switch from the 1960s (his wedding), to the 90s, (when Anne gets the diagnosis), to her death in 2002, to the “wilderness years” of 2003-2010, and present day. I understand that in memoirs, you’ve got to lay out the journey in its entirety, but I thought this jumped around so frequently that I wish it stayed chronological. Or, sometimes it jumped to give readers a “sneak peek” of what really happened, but instead I found it confusing.

I’m Fine, Thanks ended up being a sort of how-to book about coping with depression, and the benefits of therapy and spirituality. These are important, but the book was extremely repetitive with self-loathing. I can’t imagine his loss, though, so I can’t judge that, but I wish he hadn’t stuck with the same negative tone throughout.

Other than his newfound faith in God, Doveton’s happiness and “joy” came really from someone else. Anne was his “mother replacement” after his real mother sent him away from South Africa when he was a boy; he often said he never had to make decisions throughout his marriage because he relied on his wife to make them.

I’m happy Doveton found love again, but his insistence and reliance on his new partner in later years had me wondering why he didn’t advocate for self-sufficiency. That’s one sort of “issue” I felt, but overall this was a quick, moving read and my first memoir on coping with grief.

If you need a good cry, this book might be just the right prescription! This heart-wrenching story brought me on a journey with Chris and Anne as they anticipated her death and then as Chris finds his way after losing the love of his life. I grieved with Chris on his journey and found his use of skipping around in time reflective of his grief. Diving into grief head on was not his way, but reflecting on the sad and happy parts of his life together with Anne and after her death was, so though some might find it distracting, I felt he did an excellent job of mimicking his own process in his memoir.
For anyone who has suffered the death of a loved one due to illness, this book might prove useful. But seriously, if you need a good cry, this is the book.
Thank you to Netgalley for the advance digital copy in exchange for my honest review!

A brutally honest account of what it takes to look after a terminally ill loved one and the aftermath following their demise. The secret of his wife's illness was kept for YEARS and I cannot imagine the toll that alone had on him. Not only does he discuss the helplessness, loneliness and inferiority he feels, but the utter loss of rights, and dignity of the loved one. He discusses his personal reflections of the depression that consumed him following the death of his wife, as well as what it took and the time he took to restore his life. The couple's daughter has contributed a few chapters on what her perspective of the illness, the death and all that follows.

This is not an easy read at times, but the unflinching honesty makes this book a must-read.

The grieving and depression processes are sad, nevertheless, they are interesting. It is interesting to know how people deal with these situations, how do they cope with everyday life and what leads to their decision to seek help. Chris provides his personal story of how he dealt with life while his wife was slowly dying in front of his life, and how he dealt with life after she passed. I found myself reading and wanting to know what comes next. I admire Chris for being able to tell this personal story and for being able to overcome what happened.
The book is well written, although jumping between years can get a bit confusing at times. However, it is a must-read for everyone who wants to know what happens in the life of a person after significant life events, such as the death of a loved one. It’s a book for everyone, who needs help, inspiration, or to gain understanding.

I’m Fine, Thanks is about a man’s journey after his wife is diagnosed with a rare terminal disease that takes her life. It’s a brutally honest heart wrenching story of their happy years and goes into how it is to live with someone you love, knowing they are going to die and there is nothing you can do about it, and then somehow you have to still live on after their death

This is probably one of the hardest stories I had to read this year. I’m not sure how I made it through with all the ugly crying I was doing.
I can’t even imagine how Chris survived all this, he kept the secret of his wife’s illness for years...years. Can you imagine the emotion and physical toll that had to take from him? Like I said I was ugly crying over their love for each other knowing it wasn’t going to end well. You may need a huge supply of tissues for this story because it’s not the easiest story to read but it’s also a really good story, that I know will help someone through their grief as well.

This book follows Doveton as his wife is diagnosed with a terminal illness, her passing away, and his subsequent journey through grief and recovery. It was definitely a difficult read at some points - you can tell that Doveton loved his wife very much, and the pain he felt upon losing her is easy to see.

The writing is very direct, which I appreciate in a certain way as it was very accessible and straightforward. However, sometimes it just feels a bit detached because the writing is so direct, and it feels almost like reading statements of fact rather than a memoir of personal emotions and experiences. I also found the constant jumping between time frames to be a bit confusing. Towards the end, it also starts to read more like a self-help book for individuals going through grief, as the narrative started to get a bit lost and the writing started to focus more on advice – I’m sure this is useful and comforting for some, and I’m thankful I don’t need it right now.

Overall, I appreciate Doveton’s honesty and I do think his journey is realistic yet inspiring for individuals experiencing grief. Maybe not my favourite writing style for a memoir, but the content is very raw and emotional, and this is probably a good book for learning about the complexities of grief.