Weep with Me

How Lament Opens a Door for Racial Reconciliation

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Pub Date Jul 14 2020 | Archive Date Jul 05 2020

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Description

Here is a timely reminder that in the Bible, lament is a prayer that leads to trust, which can be a starting point for the church to “weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). As Vroegop writes: “Reconciliation in the church starts with tears and ends in trust.”

Here is a timely reminder that in the Bible, lament is a prayer that leads to trust, which can be a starting point for the church to “weep with those who weep” (Rom. 12:15). As Vroegop writes:...


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Advance Praise

“I am so grateful to God that Mark Vroegop has written this book. Far too often our discussions about racial harmony and reconciliation center on analysis, history, strategies, or the ‘best practices’ of those who have made some progress with regard to inclusion and diversity. What is overlooked is the primacy and power of empathy, ‘weeping with those who weep.’ This profound sense of identification is what the Bible calls lament. I am thankful to Vroegop for calling us to the heart of the matter—our hearts. Weep with Me is a gift and a treasure.”
—Crawford W. Loritts Jr., Senior Pastor, Fellowship Bible Church, Roswell, Georgia; author, Unshaken; Host, Living a Legacy

“If the sinful and tragic issues of racial injustice do not drive Christians to lament, it can only be because we do not, or will not, see the reality all around us. This book by the brilliant and faithful Mark Vroegop helps us to see that lament is not despair and resignation but instead the first step toward healing and restoration. This book will help Christians of every ethnicity to learn to love one another and to bear each other’s burdens.”
—Russell Moore, President, The Ethics & Religious Liberty Commission of the Southern Baptist Convention

“When conversations on race and racial reconciliation seem to produce more heat than light, and more accusation than appreciation, Mark Vroegop provides a timely word in Weep with Me. He reveals the simple yet poignant power in the prayers of biblical lament, teaching us the need to weep with those who weep. Lament gives language to both speakers who’ve suffered and listeners who long to understand. This is the hope of lament and the hope of the book: that the language of lament would bring blessing out of brokenness. The author is neither a hopeless romantic nor a helpless idealist. With realistic expectations and unbridled hope, Vroegop conveys inspiration from the biblical language of lament to help us find ways that will promote trust, understanding, and hope. He has helped me to love, listen, and lament; to learn and to leverage. Reconciliation is never easy, yet because of the gospel of Jesus, I will still dare to hope.”
—Julius J. Kim, President, The Gospel Coalition; Professor of Practical Theology, Westminster Seminary California

“As a nation, we no longer know how to talk to each other about issues over which we disagree. Sadly, when it comes to issues of race or ethnicity, that inability has permeated the church. As a result, progress appears to have slowed. But because we are in Christ, we can and should fight for the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. That’s why I welcome Mark Vroegop’s Weep with Me. He gives us a language we can use as we work together toward ethnic harmony. It’s not a man-made language; it’s the biblical language of lament. If your heart longs to see the church display the wisdom and glory of God to the cosmic powers, then you’ll want to pick up this book, read it, practice it, and give it away. Let the conversations begin!”
—Juan R. Sanchez, Senior Pastor, High Pointe Baptist Church, Austin, Texas

“Imagine if, in Jesus’s story of the Pharisee and the publican (Luke 18:9–14), the publican, instead of repenting of his sins, had become offended by the Pharisee’s assessment of him. Had that happened, you would have had two self-justifying sinners in the story, and we wouldn’t have heard Jesus’s beautiful declaration ‘I tell you, this man [the publican] went down to his house justified.’ So, please, if you are picking up this book in order to be offended, just don’t. But if there is a weariness in your bones over your own sin and the sin of your people, and you long to see gospel unity and solidarity replace suspicion, separation, strife, division, indifference, ignorance, condescension, and contempt, come lament with me for a while, and pray. We are up against something only the Holy Spirit can fix, but he is more than a match for the challenge. Let’s lament our hearts of stone and ask him to give us hearts of flesh (Ezek. 36:26–27). He can. He will.”
—Ligon Duncan, Chancellor and CEO, Reformed Theological Seminary

Weep with Me is grounded in theology, informed by history, and saturated with humility. As a black member of Mark Vroegop’s church, I have witnessed, primarily as an observer, how applying the biblical language of lament to racism has opened the door to reconciliation. Painful conversations between a white church leader and a black church member developed into a deep, trusting relationship. Intense early-morning discussions about race among a multiethnic group of leaders and members led to deeper understanding and biblical unity. A monthly discussion group exposed personal pain, yet weeping together increased shared knowledge and formed healthy relationships. Casual multicultural interactions on Sundays led to meals together in each other’s homes. Civil Rights vision trips with the church exposed deep wounds and caused weeping among some and silence and confusion among others, but the language of lament led to enlightenment, caring, and mutual embrace as a reconciled body. Yes, the journey is difficult at times. No, we have not arrived at the dream. Through this book, Vroegop shows us how the language of lament leads to racial reconciliation. It is an encouraging read!”
—A. Charles Ware, author; speaker; Founder and Executive Director, Grace Relations

“Mark Vroegop’s earlier book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy, is the best book I have read on Christian lament. It moved me to preach through the book of Lamentations in my own church. Yet I was unprepared for how stirred I would be by the potential impact of Christian lament on racial tensions in the church today. But this is what Vroegop has done in Weep with Me. This book is a uniquely insightful contribution to a very difficult issue still largely ignored by modern-day evangelicals. It is a biblically faithful, immensely practical tool that guides us to a simple, clear solution to racial division in the church—empathy through Christian lament. Pastors especially need to read this book and use it to lead their congregations down a path of introspection rooted in the gospel and embodied in Christlike empathy toward all those in Christ. I highly commend this book and the faithful example of its author.”
—Brian Croft, Senior Pastor, Auburndale Baptist Church, Louisville, Kentucky; Founder, Practical Shepherding

“The challenges of racial division in America broadly and our churches specifically feel intractable. The conversation is riddled with indictment, hurt, anger, uncertainty, and fear. Yet Mark Vroegop offers a simple, mature, and biblical next step: learn the language of lament. Lament means one thing for the majority-culture Christian and a slightly different thing for the minority-culture Christian, and both lessons are crucial for preparing our hearts for understanding, forgiveness, reconciliation, and action. This book is excellent, and it’s hard to imagine how churches will move toward racial reconciliation and the heavenly picture of unity in diversity apart from the biblical wisdom it provides.”
—Jonathan Leeman, Elder, Cheverly Baptist Church, Bladensburg, Maryland; Editorial Director, 9Marks 

“I am so grateful to God that Mark Vroegop has written this book. Far too often our discussions about racial harmony and reconciliation center on analysis, history, strategies, or the ‘best...


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Featured Reviews

Weep with Me by Mark Vroegop

I have to start this book review with a disclaimer. As an Asian Canadian who has both attended and worked at a predominantly white church and experienced racial microaggressions and had my concerns over race dismissed, I was very ready to judge this book, a book on racial reconciliation by a white male author. However, upon further thought, I also realize that in the wider western Christian community, I don’t think such a topic would even get taken seriously if it weren’t written by a white male author. A sad reality, but in the end, I am very thankful that Mark Vroegop has used his privilege to write about a topic that is close to heart for so many non-white Christians. I just hope that Crossway doesn’t stop publishing Christian books on race and considers both more books on race and Christian books of all genres by non-white Christian authors, because representation really matters. Now onward to the book review.

Weep with Me is a Christian book that addresses racial reconciliation through the lens of lament. To start, Mark Vroegop makes it very clear that this book is only the start of the reconciliation journey, and he addresses his privilege in writing this and how learning about racism is still a work in progress for him, so I hope this book is being read through the same lens.

I wasn’t sure what to expect in Christian book on race relations and I’ve found myself genuinely surprised that it was written so well. In the first section, Vroegop explains the process of lament. By grounding it through the lens of lament I found that it really centers us in humility when addressing race.

In the second section, he addresses white Christians, who in the book, he uses the term “majority.” In this section he addresses white privilege and how to put yourself in a position to listen to your POC peers at church (and in your everyday), process the information, and understand where your POC peers are coming from. In the third section, he addresses non-white Christians (in it he uses the term “minority”), and how to process the grief of their experiences, and lead them through a reliance on Christ when their experiences are too painful and exhausting, and hope and active steps to reconcile with white Christians.

My summary is brief and doesn’t do the book enough justice. What was fantastic about this book is how Vroegop uses scripture and personal stories (from him and others) to create a full picture of what it takes to restore relationships and develop understanding between both white and non-white Christians. He speaks to both the vulnerable tendencies of both white Christians (such as their denial of holding systemic racist beliefs) and non-white Christians (such as their pain and anger towards injustices). It is both a very biblical look at reconciliation and realistic in that he pushes the reader to continue learning, make active steps to change, and reconcile. I enjoyed his personal stories of his growth. It shows that growth in understanding in racial tensions is something that is never too late to learn and its okay to make mistakes and keep trying. In a secular world where anger and fights for justice divide the nation, Weep with Me is a very biblical take on racial justice that is still rooted in the grief, anger, and suffering that non-white people face, but it also centers the narrative around biblical love, which I feel like is a missing piece to reconciling racial tensions.

One thing I want to reiterate, that Vroegop also mentions in Weep with Me, is that this book is a first step. It’s an excellent first step (particularly for Christians!) and I hope every Christian reads this book, but it’s not the end of unlearning systemic racism. I would actually highly recommend reading this book along with another book that digs into the roots of systemic racism and how we should address it (ie. White Fragility by Robin DiAngelo or Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge), and I hope this is a lifelong learning process for whoever is reading this.

I will definitely want to keep a physical copy of this for my collection of books on race and in my Christian library.

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First sentence: There is no institution more equipped and capable of bringing transformation to the cause of reconciliation than the church.

To say that Weep With Me: How Lament Opens a Door for Racial Reconciliation is timely would be a bit of an understatement. This is Mark Vroegop's second book on lament and the church's need to lament. His first book, which I loved, loved, loved, loved is Dark Clouds Deep Mercy: Discovering The Grace of Lament.

In his second book, he urges readers that lament very well could be the common language that helps bring about the first steps of racial reconciliation. In addition to advocating for learning how to lament in general--both as hurting individuals and as a church body or community--he makes the case for racial reconciliation, and it's a good one: because it's biblical. The idea of different peoples, tongues, tribes, nations, clans, etc. coming together to WORSHIP the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. Believers find their reconciliation in Jesus Christ, and he has made us all one.

Vroegop does initially point out that the notion of race is not exactly biblical. God didn't create different races; he created just one, the human race. And that race was created in His Image and for His glory. But while he initially acknowledges that fact, Vroegop soon progresses to using terms and definitions as society does. Words are defined and explained. Race. Racism. Majority. Minority. Prejudice. He is engaging with a conversation with the world, with society, he talks using their terms.
To those who approach any and all books about race with their defense at high alert, this might be alarming and unsettling.

I would encourage you to read this one cover to cover even if you have hesitations here and there. Because even if you don't end up agreeing with him 100% of the time, he offers plenty to think about.

Since not everyone will have read the first book on how to lament and why it's so important to our emotional, mental, and spiritual health to know how to lament, he offers plenty of refreshers on the hows and the whys.

The book is divided into three parts. "In part 1 we’ll start with a basic definition of terms and learn what the biblical language of lament involves. Then we’ll discover the value of spirituals, a musical expression of lament in American culture. And I’ll also show you why I think lament opens a door for reconciliation. Parts 2 and 3 focus on the application of lament. In part 2 we’ll learn how lament can help white Christians weep, speak, and repent where needed. In part 3 we’ll explore lament for African American and other minority believers as they wrestle with exile, redeem their hurt, and dare to hope again. Finally, we’ll conclude by looking at the implications of what we’ve learned together."

Each chapter ends with a lament prayer contributed by a pastor or teacher. (As well as some discussion questions.)

His goal is to see a diverse set of believers worshiping side by side every Sunday on this side of eternity.

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I admit, it is easier to lament something far off and still remain blinded to what is in my own backyard. Those who know me, know that I am already passionate about lament. In fact, the title of this book drew me in - even before I knew its’ content. Spoken to God, lament is a cry of disappointment and grief, a way to vocalise pain and outrage, a protest in the face of injustice.

This book calls on all of us to listen to our history and to the lived experience of our brothers and sisters. This book implores us not to "retreat from the conversation” by wilful ignorance or defensiveness. Personally, I think it has taken me a number of years to really hear this conversation. I used to think racism was not such a big deal, at least not the way it used to be. Ouch! Rather than listening, I minimised the stories of those who were exiled to the edges of our communities.

As I read the book, it occurred to me that I am better informed about racial injustice in the States than I am in Australia, even though this “sunburnt country” has been my backyard for many years. I feel challenged to take off my glasses (fogged up with my own ignorance) and start listening more deeply to the conversations from my own backyard. The Biblical vision is that of a church that is awash with different languages, cultures and racial backgrounds. Compelled that “the church should be involved in racial recognition because of what we believe,” Vroegop’s church began vision trips to inform their members of the history of the civil rights movement. I would love to see churches in Australia do similarly. Sign me up! #markvroegop #weepwithme #bookreview #bookstagram

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I've read a lot of books because of NetGalley, but Weep with Me by Mark Vroegop is one of the few downloads that I'd truly consider life-changing. It's going to take me awhile to process these pages. . . In the meantime, I'm going to recommend it to everyone I know.

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Lament offers a way to vocalize frustration and sorrow that is not only helpful but also biblical. Lament provides a place to go with the pain of racism and prejudice. It's a prayer path for talking to God and to one another about the brokenness of the world. Lament gives us a way to vocalize the complicated emotions connected to racial reconciliation.

Weeping with others breaks down the racial barriers that we have placed. Weeping also puts us in a position of empathy with others. It takes effort and recognizing our emotions for what they are. The text starts with how we are to Lament that is biblical and gospel centered. Don't misunderstand, this is a text for each of us. Those that have not been affected by the color of their skin but also those that have. The gospel it deals with superiority and with anger that should cause us all to weep.

Vroegop shares his own journey of racial reconciliation with a group of church leaders that took a Civil Rights Vision Trip where they came face to face with racism. They shared their emotions at each stop and what they could do better. We all can do better. We must always have at the fore front to treat others better than ourselves. The appendix gives a detail on their trip and also helpful lament prayers to position our hearts before the Lord and others. Highly recommend.

A special thank you to Crossway Publishing and Netgalley for the ARC and the opportunity to post an honest review.

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