The Grief Handbook

This book has been a Godsend to me. I lost my wife a few months ago through Covid and have been struggling ever since. I have tried to read books, I talk to a counsellor but this book has helped me than anything else.

It’s short, straight forward and totally to the point and the lessons and suggestions it imparts are simple and effective.

I can recommend it to anyone in mourning and also to their friends and family members who struggle to know what to say to us.

‘What’s the story of your love, rather than the story of your grief?’

I was granted early access to this book courtesy of NetGalley - thank you! - and it was the book I didn’t realise I needed. This is a journal-cum-memoir that explains the many complexities of grief, through snapshots from professionals, reflection exercises and personal anecdotes from the author (who sadly lost her mum).

Throughout the pandemic, I lost 4 people I loved - most notably my father, under traumatic circumstances - and this book has been extremely helpful in helping me to pinpoint the emotions I felt at the time, and those that I continue to experience now, months later. What I found particularly helpful was the discussion around ‘complicated grief’ - grief which, for whatever reason, is disrupted (for me, the pandemic and having very recently started a new job had consequences that I am still unpicking). I wish that I’d had this book to read and work through in those first few days and months.

I don’t often read self-help books but this one jumped out at me. Perhaps an unconscious part of me knew it was necessary to delve into those painful places.

What I loved most about this book was the emphasis of non-judgement throughout. Everyone grieves differently and the non-linear nature of it is frequently referenced. It felt like a safe space in which to explore those emotions. What also helped was having the personal accounts of the author to also refer to; I found myself completely empathising with everything she said (especially the terrible wave of grief seven months later - a place I’m at currently!) Our situations were so different, but in many ways very much similar too, which is so comforting. Grief is an unfortunate eventuality for all of us; it is common, despite how alienating it can feel at its darkest points.

Overall, I’d recommend this to anyone who has experienced a close personal bereavement. However, I think this is also good for those with someone close to them going through a bereavement; addressing well-meaning but ultimately harmful adages (such as anything beginning with ‘at least’, as beautifully and concisely worded in here) provides a helpful tool for those wanting to comfort others in their times of need.