With Sprinkles on Top

Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect

This title was previously available on NetGalley and is now archived.
Buy on Amazon Buy on BN.com Buy on Bookshop.org
*This page contains affiliate links, so we may earn a small commission when you make a purchase through links on our site at no additional cost to you.
Send NetGalley books directly to your Kindle or Kindle app

To read on a Kindle or Kindle app, please add kindle@netgalley.com as an approved email address to receive files in your Amazon account. Click here for step-by-step instructions.
Also find your Kindle email address within your Amazon account, and enter it here.
Pub Date 10 Oct 2023 | Archive Date 13 Oct 2023

Talking about this book? Use #WithSprinklesonTop #NetGalley. More hashtag tips!


A sex therapist’s playful, affirming, and informative guide to exploring desire differences between kinky and nonkinky, or “vanilla,” partners

With Sprinkles on Top offers a positive and empowering resource for talking about and working through sexual differences—particularly between kinky and vanilla partners. With more than 80 percent of adult couples in the US reporting desire discrepancies between partners, and many people holding fantasies they don’t feel comfortable sharing, With Sprinkles on Top offers much-needed support. As Dr. Stefani Goerlich makes clear—vanilla can be delicious… and so can kink! Focusing on communication and connection, this guide helps you find the sprinkles that can enhance your relationship.

With empathy and understanding, Dr. Goerlich addresses hopes and fears on both sides of a desire divide and provides shame-free guidance for relationships of different shapes and orientations. Here you’ll find:
• Helpful information about BDSM and kink—what it is, its effects on relationships, what a partner’s interest might imply… or not!• Worksheets and questionnaires to help each partner explore their desires, what turns them on, when they might feel open to experimentation, and how to talk about it• Setting boundaries—tips for feeling safe and drawing the line with care• Guidance for staying true to yourself, satisfying your partner, and finding new delights together• Insights and guidance on what “normal” and “kinky” actually mean, bringing imagination into the bedroom, polyamorous possibilities, and much more
As Dr. Goerlich writes, “The vanilla people that I work with tell me that they want relationships built on mutual love, respect, understanding, gentleness, and trust. Funnily enough, the kinky people I work with tell me the same thing… just that they want the ‘gentleness’ aspect to be negotiable.” With Sprinkles on Top affirms that vanilla and kinky people can thrive together—and offers practical solutions for protecting, preserving, and strengthening your relationship.

A sex therapist’s playful, affirming, and informative guide to exploring desire differences between kinky and nonkinky, or “vanilla,” partners

With Sprinkles on Top offers a positive and empowering...

Available Editions

EDITION Other Format
ISBN 9781649630346
PRICE $20.99 (USD)

Available on NetGalley

NetGalley Shelf App (PDF)
Send to Kindle (PDF)
Download (PDF)

Average rating from 28 members

Featured Reviews

With Sprinkles on Top : Everything Vanilla People and Their Kinky Partners Need to Know to Communicate, Explore, and Connect is a helpful and encouraging guidebook that explores an area that hasn't been covered in depth before. It explores desire difference between partners and how the gap can be addressed. The main area it tackles is BDSM but other kinks are also discussed. It is a book that will encourage conversation and more openness between couples and it shows that there is often a way to negotiate differences leading to a more understanding, varied and loving relationship. A really good book that will help and support many couples.

Was this review helpful?

Super informational, written with a lot of thought and intention it seems, and really enlightened me into how others see things, one way or the other. Highly recommend for anyone with an interest in this topic. Thank you for letting me check it out :)

Was this review helpful?

As a former sex educator, I am always looking for books that encourage open communication between partners.
This book is a lovely first look into kink, mostly focused on BDSM. It perfectly balances information with enjoyment.
Really enjoyed this book!

Was this review helpful?

Open communication with a partner about sexual preferences and desires can be such a troubling and "taboo" topic for some. I enjoyed the way this book explored how to have open communication regarding introducing kink in the bedroom between partners with initially different desires. From the very beginning Dr. Goerlich defines important terms that are often misunderstood and likely heavily judged by those new to the world of "kink." I thought this was refreshing and easy to read book about meeting in the middle and exploring new things in adult, consensual relationships.

Thank you NetGalley and publisher for the opportunity to read and review this book.

Was this review helpful?

10/10 wrecked me, gave me free therapy sessions and informed me of everything and anything I would need to know about being in a relationship with someone with kinks or as someone with kinks, or both. Splendid, intelligent, humorous at times, and gentle. Perfect.

Was this review helpful?

Thank you Netgalley for this book!

Talk to your partners about what you want from sex. It shouldn't be a secret, or taboo, and they won't be able to help you achieve what you want if they don't know. Read this book too. And make your friends and partner and their partners read it.

Was this review helpful?

While I tend to gravitate toward fiction, With Sprinkles on Top caught my attention from the title and held my attention throughout.

A sex-positive guide for couples, this book is something that both kinky and "vanilla" individuals can learn from and is a great way to open up discussion between partners. I highly recommend taking turns reading it aloud with your partner as an intimate experience!

Was this review helpful?

This book literally changed my understanding of communication in relationships. I come from the world of never talk about sex— ever.
Even if I’m a vanilla person I’m applying to open communication practices of the kink community to my own relationship and it has truest been game changing. I’m really thankful I read this book. Highly recommend.

Was this review helpful?

I didn't have to read much of this to know - this book is the real deal for those who are not kinky to understand some of the needs and appeal for those who are. It can be a very hard conversation, so having a book with the information available will create so many great conversations and make more intimacy possible in these relationships.

Was this review helpful?

This book is so well written and relatable. As someone who is into kink and BDSM with a vanilla partner, this book was completely relevant. It's an amazing conversation starter about kink and BDSM between couples with this kind of existing dynamic. It has great advice on how to discuss how each of you are feeling and how to move forward. I do also feel that the descriptions and dive into what kink/fetish/BDSM are and what they can look like is presented in a way that someone who is considered vanilla or just doesn't understand it can understand a bit more.

Was this review helpful?

A thoughtful and approachable guide to sex, relationships, and kink, for readers who are interested in learning more and looking for a place to start. I love that each section comes with a “recommended titles” list for more information on each subject!

Was this review helpful?

Part communication, part education and definition....no stigma.

For anyone who would like to know more about kink and vanilla. I like the matter of fact, straight forward style by someone who has had a solid background in the field. The focus stays primarily on the relationship between one who is into kink and their vanilla partner. I liked the education and information provided and that at the heart of the matter is the ability to communicate between partners.

Was this review helpful?

No, me requesting this book is not telling you too much about myself, except that I listen to a lot of Dan Savage. While this book has a specific audience (see the subheading) it is quite applicable to a broader audience. It is interesting, fact based and has given me some things to think about in my own relationship.The author doesn't make generalisations,and that somehow makes it more inclusive, not less. Even though I am not strictly the target audience I found this book interesting and educational.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for this e-Arc in exchange for an honest review.

Was this review helpful?

I'll be honest. The title grabbed me first, but as an avid romance reader I thought this would be an interesting read to get deeper insight to some of the relationships I read about. Not to mention maybe I'd learn something new too.

Communication being key is a great lesson for any relationship, not just those who are into kink vs vanilla. I thought the book discussed relevant issues and solutions to the topic at hand in a way that didn't make it clinical or dry of a read. It hits the mark for the market it's writing to and I would recommend it to those wishing to explore or learn effective ways of communicating with their partner about certain needs/wants.

Was this review helpful?

With Sprinkles On Top was such an informative and affirming read. Although this book is framed as a supportive tool for those in relationships with mixed interests (one kinkier partner, one more “vanilla”), I feel that it was a fantastic overview and thoughtful, in-depth introduction into the world of BDSM & kink for anyone!

This book is best enjoyed at a slow pace, in my opinion, because it is so information-rich! Stefani Goerlich really thought of everything that was important for readers to know, and I think I was able to retain more by reading little by little over the course of a few weeks. I had a few unexpected triggers arise while reading this book, so giving myself time to process information was very helpful.

With Sprinkles On Top was incredibly well-thought out, with so many additional resources (book recommendations, activities, questions to get you thinking) through the entire book.

When I had seen this title available on NetGalley, my interest was immediately piqued and I knew it would be a worthwhile read. A big thank you to Stefani, the publishers, and NetGalley for an ARC of this book!

Was this review helpful?

This book ended up being more valuable than I ever expected it would.

So my relationship is not particularly the pairing it is made for. Me and my partner are both kinky but I felt that we had a lot to learn in communication around it still and thought it interesting to see what I could learn from this book.
A week after it finished though we had almost the perfect example of this book happen to us when I opened up about a kink and my partner did not like that at all to say the least. Without opening up too much about my private life that I'm not comfortable with, I definitely do want to say that the tips the book gives absolutely help and are very much worth it if you ever struggle with your partner around understanding, accepting and making room for each others kinks.

I really think this book is set up really well. It takes the reader and guides it from the start to conflict through every stage needed towards suggesting solutions they can look into. It gives space for the hurt, confusion and anger for both partners and is good at explaining how each of them think for both parties. It guides the reader through gently and felt very cared for in this book.

What I also loved is that this book was very queer inclusive. The book had a lot of examples throughout and it was absolutely lovely that it had examples with they/them users and all kinds of people. This made me feel very included as a trans person and definitely added to the cared for space this book had as it didn't make me feel othered at all.

Concluding I think this book is very valuable for any kinky and vanilla couple or maybe kinky couples that have kinks that don't perfectly match.

Was this review helpful?

I think this book would be super helpful for couples to read together. It will be a great way to open a dialogue between the couple. Especially if one is more vanilla than the other.

Was this review helpful?

Ok, fully admitting I am a vanilla human with a vanilla partner, so not exactly the intended audience of this book.

That being said I have been open to exploring and this book was such an eye opener. Built from Goerlich's years off practice as a sex therapist, the book is open, honest and really accessible. Peppered through are stories of real life couples in all types of kink relationships.

Really fantastic resource I hope to come back to in the future.

Was this review helpful?

Such a fun and helpful read! I am definitely less vanilla than my partner and all of the things I've learned of kink have been primarily from romance novels. It was helpful to learn more about it from a nonfiction stance, especially how to communicate it to my partner.

I recommend reading this book for anyone who is even a little bit curious about kink and how to bring it up to your partner, or even just do some self discovery!

Was this review helpful?

I really appreciated this book. It made me consider how I viewed kink (judgement) so it was helpful to have this challenge my perception.

This quote really cemented to keep reading and push pass whatever preconceived notions about kink--People who are willing to do the work of having ongoing conversations about personal boundaries and to base relationship agreements on those and keep them relatively fluid are generally people who are willing to build meaningful connections.

Very much a starting point to keep learning more

Was this review helpful?

Readers who liked this book also liked: