Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself
5 Steps to Banish Guilt and Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do
by Morgan Cutlip
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Pub Date 19 Sep 2023 | Archive Date 31 Dec 2023
Nelson Books, Thomas Nelson
Loving your kids isn’t supposed to mean you completely disappear or get swallowed up by the demands of motherhood.
You want to be a great mother. But how do you care for yourself without neglecting your kids needs, feeling overwhelmed by guilt, or succumbing under the pressure to be perfect?
Dr. Morgan—a psychotherapist and relationship expert—has helped over 100,000 moms regain their sanity and prevent burnout through her popular courses, coaching, and social media wisdom. In her debut book, Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself, she offers a proven step-by-step plan that any mom can follow. In this powerful book, she reveals how to
- rid yourself of mom-guilt for good,
- identify your needs and express them with confidence,
- create a self-care plan that goes beyond pedicures and bubble baths, and
- thrive as a woman after being on the back burner for too long.
Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself is a must-read book for modern moms. You don’t have to choose between self-abandonment or child-abandonment. You can love yourself and love your kids. Discover how to flourish as a mother, know exactly how to care for yourself in ways that actually make a difference, and finally feel joy in motherhood.
Available on NetGalley
Average rating from 42 members
Love how it’s starts of “Balance is Bologna” and follows it’s self up with her normalizing having troubles even when she has expertise in the field. It feels validating to read this. I also enjoyed “the conflicts all moms face” and how they run in the background of our minds. I am a therapist and I have told my clients “the system is rigged” to share that societal expectations of motherhood are dangerous. She also addresses chronic giver syndrome (not my term). The research is on point with this book. I’d recommended it in my practice. Especially “Mother yourself like you mother your kids”. Now this is a nod to self compassion. Love that detail. I was so excited too when she talked about my favorite TED talk with Kelly McGonigal. And I could have cried when she normalized sex issues.
My one criticism is that the RAM concepts should be shown in horizontal spectrums. When I opened to those pages all I could think about was a crucifix and it was displeasing
This book is a crucial book for moms. Not another parenting book that focuses on how to get your kid to do_____, but instead an easy to read, and practical (yes, actually practical) process to support moms. If you are a mom of young kids, then this book will change how you parent, and more importantly, care for yourself.
This is a must-have resource to help one live a more full and happy life. It is full of great strategies, advice, and easy to implement ideas. This is one I'll return to again and again. Many thanks to the author, publisher, and NetGalley for the advanced copy of the book.
As a teacher, wife, and a mother of two, I am always on the hunt for fun and educational books, but also books that help me grow as a person and parent. Thank you to NetGalley for the ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review. This book was interesting and not what I expected. I truly learned a lot from this book. As a mother of two things get overwhelming really fast. This year we welcomed our second child into our lives and I felt as though I was losing myself as a person. I love my children very much but I just felt very lost. This book came at a perfect time. Even though I had to read it off and on because as a parent there is very little time for you, I learned so much and also regained myself in the process. I would recommend this to a first time parent or just a parent in general. We all have our moments as parents where we forget who we are and I think this book will help anyone who is experiencing that loss of self.
This is a mommy support book. I feel most moms don’t get all the support we need and it feels like it’s optional for men. This was definitely something I needed to read and hear! Advice done right!
As a single mom to a sweet boy, I struggle with finding "me" time. This book is so practical and insightful. I love the way it was written and seems easy to put the concepts in to practice. I will be telling all my mom friends about this one!
Excellent book on not losing yourself in motherhood. I will have this on my shelf and recommend it to mothers who will benefit from it.
This is a book I will keep forever. I read it twice. Once quickly, and then again -- with a journal and pen to really dive deep through the prompts. It helped me understand where my feelings in motherhood were coming from and gave me knowledge to reframe those feelings to a positive light. Now I have a better understanding my needs and a plan to nurture myself for the betterment of me and my family. I will continue to reference this book again and again.
As a working mother of two, I knew I needed to pick up this book. Having a child (and then adding another!) is a huge life adjustment and obviously, a mother's entire world/sense of self changes and it is a relearning process for almost everything in your life.
The author, Morgan Cutlip, did a wonderful job at providing practical strategies to work into daily life. One key takeaway is to "mother yourself like you mother your kids". This is such a good quote! We want the best for our kids and we need to remember to want the best for ourselves, too. She mentions her own experiences as a mom which makes this book feel relateable.
Docking one star because I wish there was more revelational content within the chapters of the book. I felt the best material came from the discussion questions at the end of the book. I think I would have been more engaged in the book had the discussion questions followed each chapter.
Thank you NetGalley & Nelson Books for the opportunity to read to this ARC!
What a wonderful book! This one truly straddles the line or being good but not TOO niche, consoling but not preachy, hard but not Rachel Hollis.
I liked this one. I have four young kids, can’t figure out how to find ME again, and this book really helped some perspective shifts happen in our home. Our kids definitely don’t need us as much as we think, they are allowed to be bored, and fostering myself as my own being actually makes them better, who would have thought!?
So grateful for Cutlip and the team that made this book happen. A must for any working parent, parent of more than one kid, or someone just wanting to DO better and BE better for the children in their lives. A big round of applause, and four solid stars. I’ll be gifting this to so many mom friends when it comes out!
Thank you, NetGalley, for the advance copy!
I feel like this book was written 100% for me and as hard as that is to admit (it gets into a lot of deep topics) it's also a reassuring moment for me as a mother. I will be recommending this book and writing about it on my blog - so many take aways and I'm sure as it sinks in over the next few weeks I'll get even more as it trickles through my experiences with my family.
I think I like to think that I haven't lost myself, and I know I've done a lot of GOOD work to 'find' myself after kids (or during kids because they're still around!). And then a book like this helps to me to see how I"m still minimizing myself at times and how that's ultimately not helpful for anyone, myself or my kids.
10/10 - bravo!
As a stay at home mom of two under two, my kids are my whole world, quite literally I am with them 24/7 and I wouldn't change it any other way. I love finding parenting books that expand my thinking and really help me cherish the moments I have but also learn how to not only manage my time but my emotions.
This book has such a refreshing take on motherhood & really helped me look at how I can move on through each stage of motherhood, while still loving every moment.
I really enjoyed this book as a Mom and I feel like so many parents could relate as well. Thank you so much to NetGalley and the publisher allowing me a copy of this to read.
Dr. Morgan Cutlip delivers on all her promises in this book. She gives you solid, indisputable reasons to shed your mom guilt, and strategies you can implement immediately for beating mom burnout. I am a mom of 3 kids and was elated to easily and successfully use a strategy on myself when I had only made it halfway through the book at the time of using the strategy. This is a straightforward, easily digested book that you can read in bite-sized pieces or in large chunks at once, and good reference to come back to for quick reminders. It left me feeling hopeful instead of resentful or more beaten down. This is a good book for any and all moms – it is THAT accessible and timely.
Such an important book for all moms to read! I often find myself feeling guilty for resting while I'm sick, working late, wanting to have a girl's night out. This book reads like the wise friend we all need to remind us to put on our own oxygen mask first, that to be an amazing mom, you also need to be your amazing self.
“De-selfing means that one’s self, including ones’ thoughts, wants, beliefs, and ambitions, is ‘negotiable’ under pressures from the relationship. In other words, when women feel their relationships will suffer if they prioritize themselves, they sacrifice their own needs, desires, and wants to preserve the well-being of the relationship.”
Sound familiar, ladies?
Psychotherapist and relationship expert Dr. Morgan has written a book that addresses the conflict between their needs (our children and family) and our needs (who me?) that can prevent the overwhelm, burnout that many of us have felt for so long (I’m looking at you, COVID). What I love about this book is all that it encompasses; attachment styles, our own personal history, guilt, intensive mothering, that impact our overall experience of motherhood. I highlighted so much.
Add it to the stack. Thank you for the ARC NetGalley and Thomas Nelson!
This book hits home! I walked into my step-sons life when he was 7 and quickly took on the mom role when he is at our house. I LOVE him, but parenting is hard sometimes (okay 99% of the time).
Cutlip did a wonderful job at providing practical strategies that would / could be easy to put into your every day life. She also writes in such a way that although a professional in the field, does not downplay feelings that many moms may feel. She draws upon her experiences as a mother which made her so relatable. I feel totally seen & validated.
I loved every second of this! Especially the “go mom yourself” sections at the end of every chapter. Knowing I can just turn to that page quickly and get a good recap is wonderful! I’m positive I will reread this again, especially down the road when more kiddos join our family.
I will leave this here.. Cutlip wrote, “mother yourself like you mother your kids” and I know I will think about this quote in the days & weeks that follow!
Thank you NetGalley & Nelson Books for the opportunity to read to this ARC!
This is one of the best, if not the best, parenting book I have read in the past year. I intend to purchase this book in physical form as soon as I am able.
I am an educator, with education in child development, who has longed for children of “my own” for over a decade. Through a combination of adoption and IVF I have two children, and I have absolutely lost myself in the last four years.
I’ve needed and wanted a roadmap for years. Reading this book felt like she was talking to me directly, like she’d lived the life I was living and she knew the way through the tunnel and out of the other side.
I was worried her book would not be aimed at someone like me because of her Christian roots. But, while she clearly draws many of the positive principles of Christianity that are universal to everyone, it was not a Christian book, and it was not mentioned at all, except in passing. So if you are a secular reader, you will absolutely find it relevant.
In fact, none of this work was judgemental or pushy, or ever made me feel shame. I found myself relaxing into it, and buying into each idea that she proposed.
I needed help with the worksheets and she was immediately responsive (within 24 hours) and provided me with them.
I received this work from Net Galley, but I will absolutely be purchasing it in the future.
It sounds like "Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself" by Dr. Morgan Cutlip offers a comprehensive guide for modern mothers who are seeking to balance the demands of motherhood with their own well-being. The book addresses the common challenges that many mothers face, such as feeling overwhelmed, guilty, and neglecting their own needs. Dr. Morgan, a psychotherapist and relationship expert, presents a step-by-step plan to help mothers regain their sanity, prevent burnout, and find a healthier balance in their lives.
The key takeaways from the book include:
1. **Overcoming Mom-Guilt:** The book helps mothers address and eliminate feelings of guilt that often arise from trying to juggle their own needs with those of their children. It provides strategies to overcome these negative emotions and focus on effective parenting without sacrificing one's self-worth.
2. **Identifying and Expressing Needs:** Dr. Morgan emphasizes the importance of identifying and expressing one's own needs. By doing so with confidence, mothers can find ways to meet their needs while still prioritizing their children's well-being.
3. **Creating a Meaningful Self-Care Plan:** The book goes beyond traditional notions of self-care, such as superficial activities like pedicures and bubble baths. It helps mothers develop a personalized self-care plan that addresses their unique needs and promotes overall well-being.
4. **Thriving as a Woman:** The book acknowledges that mothers often put themselves on the "back burner" while focusing on their children. It offers guidance on how to thrive as a woman and an individual, even while fulfilling the demanding role of a mother.
5. **Balancing Motherhood and Personal Fulfillment:** Dr. Morgan's book promotes the idea that mothers don't have to choose between self-abandonment and child-abandonment. It provides actionable steps to both love oneself and provide quality care for one's children.
Overall, "Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself" seems to be a resourceful guide for mothers looking to navigate the challenges of motherhood in a healthy and fulfilling way. It offers practical advice, actionable steps, and insights from a seasoned expert in the field of psychology and relationships. If you're a modern mother seeking to strike a balance between caring for your children and prioritizing your own well-being, this book could provide valuable guidance and strategies.
Just finished "Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself" and this book hits home! It's a refreshing take on motherhood – the author completely normalizes the struggles, even when she's an expert in the field. It's like she's saying all the things I've been needing to hear.
Motherhood can be a real pressure cooker and this book dives right into that and reminds us that the pursuit of perfection is a wild goose chase. The best part is that the author backs it up with solid statistics and studies, so it's not just one person's opinion.
This book is like a reassuring hand on your shoulder, letting you know you're not alone in this journey. And what's even better, it's not just theory – there's practical advice that's easy to weave into your daily routine. Trust me, if you're looking for a gem of a book that helps you keep your sense of self while being an amazing mom, this is it!
I haven't read a book like this yet because I keep wanting to read fiction, & I'm worried about getting bored or feeling like I wasted time. I don't feel that way with this book. It says things that I need to hear. Modern American motherhood is full of the pressure to be perfect, as if that even exists! The author provides statistics & studies so it doesn't just feel like an opinion piece. It's succinct & tells us we are not as alone as we feel. It even contains practical advice that's easy to implement into our daily lives
I tend to approach all parenting books with a soupçon of skepticism; I find that nothing about parenting is one-size-fits-all and sometimes parenting books don't account for the wide spectrum of varying circumstances that parents are living with. So I was pleasantly surprised when Morgan Cutlip's Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself not only acknowledged but repeatedly mentioned that every parent is fighting a different battle.
I appreciated the way the author breaks down the actionable steps you can take to approach parenting in a more peaceful way. I think part of me was hoping for a quick fix "oh, I just do XYZ and I'll feel more like myself again!" Obviously, that's not realistic, but I will take away a lot of lessons about how do easy and quick check-ins with myself to figure out what needs to change in the moment to adjust my approach to parenting and give myself some space to breathe.
4.5 stars rounded up. Some of the advice may not be applicable to all parents (as a single parent with sole custody, some sections weren't relevant to me), but like I say, the author does acknowledge it and tries to address it to the best of her ability from her own (albeit different) experience. Thanks to NetGalley and Nelson Books for the ARC.
What is the thing you do that makes you feel most like YOURSELF? And/or, what is your favorite thing to do for “self-care”?
Thank you to Netgalley and Nelson Books for the eARC of Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps to Banish Guilt and Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do by Morgan Cutlip. All opinions are my own!
I love my fiction, and boy do I, but every once and a while I need to take look at my reality, and I’ll be the first to admit I am overall, overwhelmed! When I saw this book with the longest (and most perfectly descriptive) title on earth, I thought “I need to put down the romances in the AirPods for this one.” And I’m glad I did. Let me put it this way- I highlighted a WHOPPING 21% of this book, according to my Kindle. I really like the author, I LOVE her personal stories and her many, many mothering moments and feelings that I can relate to. I am fascinated by the research and books she mentioned- my favorite nugget of information being about John Gottman’s “stress-reducing conversation”. We hopefully all have friends that we can share our stressors with- no fixing, no solving, just empathy. I have been fortunate to have friends to do this with since I was a kid but I was yesterday years old when I was introduced to its name.
In this book there are tips on how WE can stay regulated, so many questions we can ask ourselves like “what kind of parent did you expect yourself to be?”, “do you think your child’s behavior is a direct reflection of your value and competency as a mother?”, explanations for why we are so exhausted by the end of the night (other than the obvious) and REAL things we can do to help ourselves besides the often mentioned and elusive “SELF CARE”. What we are taught are strategies that can take minutes, and can be ongoing, unlike a “getaway” where you come back to the same old thing. Mothers are told to take care of ourselves and I think this book gives us ways to do that, plus they are free and shouldn’t take long to put into practice.
My only complaint about the book, and this may be my burned-out brain talking, is that I found the five steps confusing. Their names don’t have a clear tie-in to what they represent IMO. If I left this book with them easily memorized, I would rate it higher. I do want to shut the book and move on to my fabulously found self, but it is not a one-and-done, and I will be referencing it often.
My other complaint, and it is not about the book itself, is that I think I got the eARC very early and therefore didn’t have access to the PDFs as I went. I couldn’t print out the questions at the end of the book and I would have liked to. I think there may have been charts I couldn’t see? I NEED all these things and am trying to figure out if I should buy the hardcover or the ebook (both which will come with the PDFs). What I would like most of all is a paperback combo book/ workbook that I can write in. Giving me this free ebook is resulting in me buying it, so I’d say this is a positive review! I recommend this book for mothers or caretakers to read, even before the burnout, guilt and full schedule shows up.