Whether you are a single woman looking for a longterm monogamous partnership, or any woman looking for a well-written, entertaining and very humorous read, you should read this book. For most of my adult life, I have espoused the view that organized religion, education and the institution of marriage all work to the detriment of women and to furthering the interests of the patriarchy. That hasn't really worked for me, it only demoralizes, and angers. But everything in Dr Jennie Young's Burn the Haystack is the opposite: empowering, enlightening, and positive.

I first read about Burned Haystack in the New York Times in the summer of 2024, and immediately searched it up and started following on Facebook. A year later I took Jennie's Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA) class online. It's completely changed the way I use dating apps, saved me tons of time and effort, and still I loved reading this book for new success stories, simple explanations of rhetorical analysis and the complexity behind her straightforward strategies, and so! much! humor!

Thank you to NetGalley and Harper Collins Press for access to this brilliant read, that I already have purchased several copies of on pre-order. Release date is scheduled for April 7, 2026.

The book is everything I thought it would be: Wonderful! Clear, concise, and well-organized, it’s the perfect introduction to the Burned Haystack Dating Method and an excellent reference for those who have been studying it for a while. Dr. Young employs razor-sharp satire as well, so you might be surprised at how funny this is to read.
The testimonials prove that this method not only saves women from broken hearts and wasted time — but also literally save lives by helping us learn how to avoid abusive relationships of all kinds.
Even if you’re not dating, the author gives concrete examples of how the method can be used in all aspects of interpersonal relations from the workplace to hiring contactors and with families and friends.

I've been a member of the BHDM online group for almost two years and it's been an eye opening experience. The community is full of fantastic advice and amazing women. And somehow Jennie Young has encapsulated this space into a book. Easy to read and well written; I recommend this to any woman trying to navigate life with men.

While most of the world, and certainly most men on dating apps, talk down to women, Jennie Young, PhD, believes in their intelligence. Burn the Haystack gives women the academic tools they need to smartly and efficiently navigate modern dating apps. Diving into critical discourse analysis, Jennie guides single women through simple steps to identify common rhetorical patterns that are hidden in plain sight. Her instruction is clear and concise and loaded with humor and empathy. She's like the big sister you always wanted!

Every single woman considering getting on the dating apps should read this book. Whether you are 25 or 65, you will learn how to protect yourself from predators, how to avoid toxic relationships that seemingly start off fine and will eventually crash and burn, and how to spend less time on the apps and more time enjoying life. These methods will save your sanity by giving you words for the intuitive, gut-level reactions you already have to the subtle clues men leave in their profiles (and in real life!).

The book does something else that may be even more important: it gives us permission to listen to that intuitive, gut-level reaction. Jennie provides the academic rigor to cut through all the excuses we have been groomed to make for men. As a feminist, I was shocked by how this method revealed my own patterns of explaining away inappropriate behavior and giving men the (undeserved) benefit of the doubt.

Jennie teaches us that if we want to find healthy, compatible partners, we need to be ruthless in our standards (and helps us create them). We need to be willing to see men more honestly by analyzing what they reveal to us. Only then can we start assessing whether a guy might be the kind of partner we're looking for. She shows us how to use our brains first so that our heart can freely and safely love when the time is right.

Dating in the 21st century is complex and full of potential pitfalls - but how does a woman find her needle in the haystack? When Jennie Young sought an answer to this question, the internet came back with this answer: the most efficient way to find a needle in the haystack is to burn down the haystack - then the only thing left will be the needle. This was the origin of Young’s Burn the Haystack dating method. Rather than put up with endless potential matches from dating sites, women need to burn the haystack to find their needle. That means decoding responses and immediately blocking incompatible choices. Or, as Jennie calls it, B2B — block to burn!

I haven’t been in the dating scene for quite some time (I met my needle in grad school and we’ve been happily married for almost 50 years) so much of this book was like learning a new language. But it was language I trusted because of two things: Jennie’s credentials are extensive and impeccable, and I’ve known her for many years as a humor writer. Because of these characteristics, I expected this book to be good, and hopefully funny. And yes, it was good. And yes, it was funny. But putting Jennie’s credentials and her ability to tackle even tough subjects with humor elevated this book to much more than the sum of its parts.

Unlike many (most?) self-help books, Jennie (or should I say Dr. Young) uses her academic specialties to ground her method in serious research. She discusses Critical Dialogue Analysis (CDA) to unpack dating site bios and text messages. She outlines her method in the form of a course syllabus (course intro: CDA is sexy!). She shares success stories from her popular Burn the Haystack Facebook group. And she regularly throws in “humor breaks.”

The book is easy and fun to read, even though the basis of it is solidly grounded in rhetorical principles. She defines her terms to show this, but does not drown in academic language. Like others whose success stories she shared, I realized that I could use the Burned Haystack method in all kinds of relationships. At my age, I don’t need more hay in my life anyway.

This book is a keeper, and one I will return to when I need help navigating relationships. I heartily endorse it and predict it will be a go-to for many others as well. Many thanks to William Morrow and NetGalley for the opportunity to read this wonderful book. All opinions are my own.

I will have to read this a second (or third) time to assimilate all the very helpful advice in this book. Will not be using it for dating (that is a pass these days) but it has helped me with perspective on prior relationships and how to recognise and negotiate future interactions. I received a complimentary copy of this book. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own

"Burn the Haystack" is a practical and funny book that uses straight-forward language and humor to acknowledge what you already know, consciously or subconsciously - that dating, especially via online dating apps, is filled with lots of landmines and pitfalls. By learning about Critical Discourse Analysis (CDA) and heuristics through examples and relatable stories, you are able to quickly understand when (and why) to ‘burn the hay’, thus giving you space to find your potential ‘needle’.

Every single woman and girl from age 14 to 94 should read this book to make her life happier and safer. Additional side effects include laughter and finding community with other haystackers. Highly recommend.

This book is groundbreaking in the way it equips women to cut through the nonsense we encounter on dating apps. Dr. Young identifies the exact words and phrases men use in their dating profiles that reveal toxic attitudes and assumptions about relationships. She names these rhetorical patterns and includes examples from real life.

While her approach is academic, Young’s writing is humorous. Burn the Haystack is a fun and immeasurably useful read for anyone who has felt disappointed by online dating. The most important takeaway from this book is the ability to apply Critical Discourse Analysis to situations far beyond dating. After reading it, I feel empowered to navigate tricky interactions that may have frustrated me in the past.

Burn the Haystack provides a practical guide to deciphering the true meaning behind people’s words. I highly recommend it for anyone who wants to improve their ability to communicate and connect meaningfully. #burnthehaystack

Jenny Young’s Burn the Haystack Dating Method is one of the most practical books on dating strategy I’ve encountered. It’s also an unexpectedly powerful companion to the work of Ramani Durvasula, whose books on recognizing and surviving narcissistic dynamics have helped many people understand the psychology of harmful relationships. Where Durvasula focuses on the dynamics once someone is already entangled in them, Young’s book teaches something equally critical: discernment before entanglement ever happens.

As a therapist, this is the book I wish I had in my twenties—and one I’m very glad exists now.

The core idea of the “Burn the Haystack” method is simple but powerful: instead of endlessly searching for the right needle, burn the haystack—remove the noise, the confusion, and the manipulative communication patterns that keep people stuck evaluating the wrong options. Young teaches readers how to recognize rhetorical cues, behavioral inconsistencies, and early conversational patterns that signal deeper relational problems.

What makes the book particularly effective is how accessible it is. Young is a professor, and that background shows in the best possible way. She translates complex ideas about communication patterns and social behavior into language that is clear, humorous, and easy to apply immediately in real life. The method doesn’t require readers to become psychologists—it simply trains attention toward the signals that matter.

For women navigating modern dating, the book functions almost like a self-defense class for communication. It teaches readers to identify men who are not just incompatible, but potentially destabilizing or harmful. Many dating books focus on attraction strategies or compatibility checklists; Young’s focus is far more practical. She teaches how to recognize rhetorical patterns that reveal entitlement, manipulation, evasiveness, or future instability long before those traits escalate into serious relationship problems.

From a clinical perspective, that emphasis on pattern recognition is especially valuable. Many people miss early warning signs because the signals appear subtle in isolation. Young’s framework helps readers connect those signals into recognizable patterns. Once you see the pattern, the decision becomes much clearer.

Another strength of the book is that its lessons extend well beyond dating. The same skills—recognizing rhetorical framing, spotting inconsistency between words and behavior, and identifying manipulation tactics—are broadly applicable to many systems: professional environments, friendships, and family dynamics. In that sense, Young is teaching a transferable life skill, not just a dating strategy.

When read alongside Ramani Durvasula’s work on narcissistic abuse, the books complement each other almost perfectly. Durvasula helps readers understand the psychological mechanisms of narcissistic behavior and the damage those dynamics can cause. Young, by contrast, teaches readers how to avoid getting pulled into those dynamics in the first place.

That combination—understanding the patterns and learning how to filter them out early—is extraordinarily empowering.

Ultimately, Burn the Haystack Dating Method succeeds because it does something rare: it gives readers practical discernment. Not cynicism, not paranoia—discernment. The ability to observe patterns, trust the information those patterns provide, and make decisions that protect one’s future.

It’s a skill many people learn only after years of painful experience. Jenny Young manages to teach it with clarity, humor, and a refreshing level of practicality.

For anyone navigating dating today—and especially for women who want tools to quickly identify healthy versus unhealthy dynamics—this book is not just helpful. It’s essential.

“Burn the Haystack” is about cutting through men’s bullshit on the dating apps, but the Burned Haystack Dating Method goes way beyond dating. Rhetorician Jennie Young’s book is a smart, practical, often funny, guide of empowerment for every woman who has ever felt manipulated, gaslighted, violated, or otherwise disrespected by men on the dating apps, in the office, at home, in friendships, and out in the world—which is all of us; we live in a patriarchy, after all. Whatever your romantic relationship status (or if you’re not even looking for a partner), this book will teach you how to expertly decipher written content and visuals for red-flag rhetorical patterns (many of them hilariously named) and chuck that nonsense without second-guessing yourself as being too picky or too sensitive or too feminist or too analytical or not “giving grace.”

If you’re on dating apps and work the method, you’ll spend far less time engaging with lazy, clueless, toxic, and/or potentially dangerous men and more time interacting with better-to-good men who could be compatible, long-term, monogamous partners, a.k.a. “needles.” If you’re not on the apps (or not even looking for love), the lessons in here are just as life changing, if not more so. You’ll learn to recognize the red flags of not-so-nice people already in your life and may decide you’re done with their toxicity. You’ll learn that your women’s intuition about bad behavior was right all along.

A core Haystack message that needs to be shouted from the rooftops all day, every day: It’s not women’s job to fix men. Once you learn how to spot toxic rhetorical patterns, you can’t unsee them—and with that knowledge comes peace, joy, and empowerment. What Jennie Young created as a tool to help her personally navigate the dating apps more efficiently, effectively, and safely has turned into a bona fide global feminist revolution, first with her wildly successful Facebook group and now with this book. Get your copy of “Burn the Haystack” and join in!