During the early stages of development, it can be hard to gauge what your child needs and wants, especially before they can speak. The way we view the world as adults is often very different from how children see things. One of the best ways to understand your child’s behavior and support their development is to change your perspective and learn to view the world through your child’s eyes.

In Does My Child Need Me to Lead or to Follow?, longtime expert child psychologist Claudia Schwarzlmüller focuses on one simple but profoundly consequential and helpful idea: knowing when to lead your child, and knowing when to follow their lead. Tracking the development of a fictional child named “Alex” from infancy through age six, Schwarzlmüller takes parents through dozens of situations, helping them to understand when it’s best to guide their children and when it’s best to follow.

Rather than focusing on behavioral skills (for example, how to wean your child off their pacifier), Schwarzlmüller demonstrates how parents can stimulate development of soft skills, like empathy, problem-solving, initiative, and teamwork, through her ever-at-the-ready leading and following method. In each chapter, we follow Alex and see how the child grows in four key areas: thinking and playing, emotions and relationships, movement, and language. Through her expert insights, Schwarzlmüller offers a new way of parenting that views children as their own people, rather than mini adults who must conform to our rules; builds strong relationships between parents and children; and gives children the tools and freedom they need to become emotionally resilient and independent.